Hello everyone...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Hello everyone...
2
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 11:33pm
Hello friends! I know it has been a long while since i have posted- mainly because of my literally none-stop work days, and part of me thinks that another reason is that i have been trying REEEEAAALY hard NOT thinking about my depression and how horrible and lost i feel inside all day. I thought that being that i have tried "therapy", various meds, and practically every other possible way to rid myself of this illness in the past- maybe i should do the only other thing that i hadn't tried to do....go to work, school and just try to live my life without thinking about this illness. But friends, i think that something is very very wrong. I feel even MORE numb to everything, and everybody around me. I feel as though people who see me everyday (mainly my boss cause i work ten hour shifts)can see that there is something wrong and think that i'm "weird" or who knows what else. I can even sense that my boss just doesn't confide in me as much and keeps repeating things that need to get done or keeps reminding me....now don't get me wrong it's a good thing that my boss actually repeats things in a step by step "how to" manner, but i feel that she does it to an extreme with me Lately. Ladies, i'm scared deep down inside because i have no clue what is going on with me. For the past week i have lost my appetite and i can barely hold any food in..this is recent- maybe it's just a cold, but i just don't know...i can't afford to see a doctor either so things are really not looking so great for me lately. I'm sooo truely lost.. Any advise would be deeply appreciated! Thanks in advance, and PLEASE take good care of yourselves!
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anonymous user
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 11:45pm
Hi mkoukla3, HUGS to you. Im sorry to hear that things are rough. Im not sure what it is but I know the feeling. I still havent figured it out. Its weird because I do the same thing sometimes and try to just do everything and avoid the issue, and I burn out and start to burn out and all that. I dont know what it is. It seems like an anxiety problem. The only thing I really know so far is that I need to make sure I take some time for myself so that I can write, draw, read inspiring things, pamper myself or whatever. It seems like I need regular breaks from the outside world. I have a hard time with motivation, and it seems to take way more effort for me to do things than the average person, even though I never could link that to my emotions. If you find a way to keep in touch with who you are deep inside, I think you will have a healthier mental state. What gets you going? What makes you happy to be alive? Expose yourself to good things that make you feel great, so that you can go into work and other responsibilities and be proud that you are there.

The boss thing, well I wish I had good advice. I think the only thing I would do is just try to get back in touch with what I need for myself and then it will shine through at work. I think ppl can pick up on those vibes.

I wish you all the best and take care. By the way thanks for the kind thoughts :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 8:52am
I read this book about how we disassociate from our feelings when we are feeling bad. We don't allow ourself to really feel what we are feeling, or try to fight it. It really made an impact on me, because that's what I do. The book suggested a couple of things that would help. One is to really look at what you are feeling. When you feel bad, stop and ask yourself to name the feeling (sad, scared, tense, etc.) and really allow yourself to feel it. Believe it or not, I have tried this and when you stop and think about what you are feeling, it kind of eases off. The other thing they suggested is to journal and keep asking yourself why. Like the first line is "I'm scared" then you ask 'why'. So then you write your reason. It helps me!

Even if my suggestions don't work for you, I hope something does. I will be thinking of you and sending hugs

Sara