HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

Avatar for tinybuns
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
5
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 11:11am
Well..........looks like I'm going back into therapy......

Hate it, Hate it, Hate it!!!!!!!!!!!! Thought I was all done with all that crap!

But lately I have been having thoughts about how everyone life, including my own would be better off without me around. We have no health ins..so don't know how much out of pocket money we will have to spend. I have cost my family way too much money already, I don't want to cost them more.

I am recovered from anorexia/bulimia for over 7 yrs now. Gained weight and all and good and healthy except for in my head. Therapy is very expensive. I am going to pay according to our ability to pay, which means we are going to be paying for most of it. Cause we no longer have a child dependent and we are starting to have "extra" money to enjoy ourselves with.

We own our own business, and it has taken lots of work to get to this point, health ins to pay for it on our own was getting to be way over $1,000 a month, and it is just going to keep going up. So we opt to take our chances. And the thing is most health ins only covers soooooo much of mental health cost anyways.

I am afraid all our "extra" money is going into me AGAIN, and not into things that count more........I FEEL VERY GUILTY.........

But I don't know what to do or how to feel, I just know I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2002
In reply to: tinybuns
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 11:44am
Good Morning -

I am not sure where you live...but I know here in Washington State they are low cost insurance for the self-employed. Try looking into that.

I will be praying for you!!!

God Bless Ya

~Jen~

Anne
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: tinybuns
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 3:57pm

Welcome back, Tinybuns!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
In reply to: tinybuns
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 12:08am
Hey! Why would you feel guilty for getting help? You are doing yourself and your loved ones a favor! And, wouldn't you agree that you can't put a price on happiness? How much would you be willing to pay to be happy? It's priceless. Get help, and be proud of yourself for doing it! Can I ask you something? You stated in your post that "I am afraid all our "extra" money is going into me AGAIN, and not into things that count more........" OK, what would count more? Just think on that a little bit, and I hope you come to the conclusion that you are SO worth it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
In reply to: tinybuns
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 12:35pm
Don't feel guilty. Money isn't all it's coughed up to be. You need to be healthy to enjoy it, and your family needs you to be healthy. I know from my own experience that during stressful times, you can pull yourself through, but when you can finally relax, all the energy can go back to the old problems and you have a relapse. Don't hesitate to go for the therapy; but please do make sure to go to somebody you trust and who knows what he/she is doing. Tell them that your goal is to be able to function properly within a certain amount of time,a nd thta you don't want to go through the whole childhood story again.

If you feel better, it is better for everybody involved. Your company will do better too. If you can't see it as something you deserve, see it as a business investment. And please take care of yourself!

Hugs,

Jules

Avatar for tinybuns
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
In reply to: tinybuns
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 1:30pm
Thanks for all your nice thoughts.................

BBUUTTTTTT What people don't seem to realize is that I FEEL as though I am NOT derserving. Wasting our hard earned money on ME. I don't care what other people say or think it is what I THINK that's counts, doesn't it??????????

I laughed at considering it a business investment (not to hurt your feelings), cause that is another ONE of my many problems. I feel as though my husband is only keeping me around is because I am cheap labor. (WEll, maybe not cheap, but easier than finding someone to take my place in the business) We tried that awhile ago, and couldn't find anyone qualified enough.

OH well..........just hoping & praying our income statement for this year works out well enough, so that we don't have to pay alot for it.