First time posting - Extremely stressed
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First time posting - Extremely stressed
| Fri, 03-26-2004 - 3:37pm |
This is the first time that I have ever tried any type of support group but my therapist has been pushing me to for some time now. Basically I am so depressed that I can't see straight. I feel totally overwhelmed with frustration, guilt, pain, anger and every other negative emotion you can think of. Basically I am a 26 year old single mom of an 8 year old son. My son's father is nothing but problems for both me and my son and to top it off doesn't pay child support except for about once a year when the courts finally come down on him but it takes so much effort get the courts to help me. My boyfriend is going through a nasty divorce, his mom has stage 4 cancer and up until a few months ago he was going through chemo therapy for a brain tumor therefore he hasn't been able to be much of a support system for me. Now we fight all the time, we can't even talk without it turning into a fight. I want to be there for him and I want to be understanding but it's getting harder and harder. His divorce has been dragging on three years and it's driving me nuts! I know it sound selfish or silly but I need him to be there for me more and he can't because he is dealing with his health issues, his mother's health and his divorce. The few friends that I have are married and it's so hard being the only one that is single. I am just so lonely. Recently, my family moved out of state which is very hard becuase I am very close to them and they have been my major source of support. Even though I love my son very much it's hard not getting any time away from him. I don't have any babysitters since my family has always been the one that watched him when I would go out but now they aren't here anymore. I'm sorry if my message is not making much sense, I guess I am just so overwhelmed that I am just spilling over. I miss having friends that I can hang out with. I am so upset with myself for not being more understanding to my boyfriend. I want so badly to be there for him but I get so upset that he can't have a "normal" relationship with me and then the next thing I know I am yelling at him. I love my son but it's so hard that I don't have time to myself.
I really thought that my life would be different. I has my son at 17 but I still went to college and finally my son's father he was abusive, I have a good career, I support myself and my son with no help, I bought my own house and I really thought that by "beating the odds" of the "typical teenager mother" but things are just getting harder and I feel totally alone.
I really thought that my life would be different. I has my son at 17 but I still went to college and finally my son's father he was abusive, I have a good career, I support myself and my son with no help, I bought my own house and I really thought that by "beating the odds" of the "typical teenager mother" but things are just getting harder and I feel totally alone.

My stepsister had cancer about five years ago. My stepfather became almost completely unable in function in his relationship with my mother. It almost destroyed their relationship. She even got her own apartment at one point. It has taken them years to even begin to get close again. If you are only adding to your boyfriend's stress right now, have you considered taking a break? You both might benefit from the space from these fights. Constant fights make life so painful. Cancer gets worse with stress, so your boyfriend needs the all the calm he can get. Clearly, that's what you want for yourself, as well.
I'm sorry for everything that you are going through. I think that your therapist is right. You desperately need to expand your support system. You can join Parents Without Partners, which offers support for single parents. Have you tried to do a child care swap with your married girlfriends? You could watch one of their children one day so the mother has some free time or private time with her husband, then they could watch your son another day. Does your son ever go overnight to friend's houses? That could also free up some time for you.
Is your son involved with extracurricular activities, like sports or Boy Scouts? Having him join these could give you more free time, especially on the weekends.
It sounds like you in a big transition with your family moving away. It has changed your support system and lifestyle. It might be a matter of learning some creating alternative solutions to having child free time.
I think that transitions can be the more painful, depressing times. We have to find new ways of doing things and new people to help us. Ask your therapist for some single parent resources. Look into extracurricular activities for your son. It's great that you are in therapy. That's the most important thing for depression. Books like The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, MD have some very structured exercises to overcome depression. These Cognitive Behavior Therapy methods have the greatest record of success with depression of any type of therapy. Antidepressants also can help tremendously to turn the brain chemistry of depression around. Aerobic exercise has been shown have as much success with changing depression as either therapy or antidepressants.
This board is a very supportive, compassionate place. It has quite a few single mothers, as well. I'm glad you found it. I hope you will keep in using it to vent and seek support.
All My Best,
MariaC
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)
I had my son is Boy Scouts but I was so disappointed because it was more a social gathering for the mothers. There were very few fathers involved and a lot of the parents aren't very open to me because I look so young and they just judge me right off the back. The really ironic thing about it, is I have a better career then most of them! Anyway, I feel guilty because I sometimes feel like I make excuses to sign my son up for more activities but I really can't handle him being signed up for more than one thing at a time. It's just too stressful for me to try and get him there on time. By the time I get home from work, make dinner, help my son with his homework, then it's time to get him ready for bed! So adding something else into the schedule is really hard and frankly I can't handle adding more than one night a week. I have tried doing more in the past but then I just get too stressed out. I feel so guilty that I can't more but I try to balance the best that I can. Thankfully my son and I are very close and he seems to understand that I try the best that I can.
The other thing that makes things more complicated is my son has ADHD and his father just stop visiting a year and half ago. So I have spent a lot of time working with his school and his therapist to make sure he gets all the extra support he needs to ensure he doesn't "fall through the cracks".
I have handled a lot stressful events in my life but I have always battled depression and have been on meds for years, but in the last year or so I feel like I am losing my battle and feel like my depression is getting worse and my mood swings are getting more severe. Luckily I have a great doctor but I just can't image having to battle depression for the rest of my life, it feels like a monster that haunts me! I know a lot of people deal with the same things that I deal with but I am scared to deal that I am getting worse and that I will never be able to live a normal life.
I'm sorry that my messages are so scattered, I just have so much on my mind and weighing on my heart I feel like I'm going to burst.