Thanks...Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Thanks...Update
3
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 11:13pm
Thanks to all that have been there for me through these tough times. I truely appreciate it. Just to let you know, tonight Randall and I talked, and he officially ended it. I'm upset, but at least I was prepared. Thanks to all who tried to help calm me down. I dont know if I'll be on tomorrow, as I really plan to be in a blah mood, but if anything, just send me a hug or a good vibe. Thanks.

Trix

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: vwtrixie
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 1:02am
Trix,

I'm so sorry, Sweetie. This is awful to go through.

There's no way out of the pain other than through the pain. I hate the fact that this is true. Alanis Morissette songs are great at a time like this. I also like to go for runs and picture pounding on the guy's face with every step that pounds into the ground. I had a therapist who taught me that trick and it's awesome! It helps me to get my anger out so it doesn't go inward on me and become depression. I also tend to want to eat when I'm going through a breakup, but I didn't want to gain weight and feel worse about myself. So taking my anger out by running helped me to feel BETTER about myself instead of worse. Plus, if I did eat to self-soothe, the running counter balanced the calorie intake.

I also like to cut up the guy's pictures and break stuff he gave me. I did that with my ex husband and with an ex-boyfriend. Very cathartic.

It's good to get rid of his stuff. It's good to cry. And it's good to stay busy with friends.

One of my favorite things to do after a break up is to get a makeover. You can go to a department store or even a place like the Body Shop. They'll do your makeup for free. I went to the body shop. They gave me new ideas on makeup. I bought a few things. It helped me feel good about how I looked while I was feeling so rejected and low. It was very good.

A couple of new outfits can be fun too. Don't break the bank or anything. I like to shop at places like Marshall's, Ross, or Loehman's. They have great stuff for low prices, so you can splurge without hurting your budget.

One of the best things to do after a break up is to rearrange your furniture. Move stuff around so that your home doesn't remind you of the guy. I had a friend who bought different colored sheets after his girlfriend broke up with him. He put on his new sheets and put the bed in a different part of the room. It really helped to exorcise her memory out of the place. I even rearranged my living room after my dog died because it was too painful to look at the place where we had shared so many hours, knowing that he was gone. It instantly helped me stop dwelling on it.

The grieving process is real. The hardest part is being the one who is hurt. That is always excruciating for me. I even have an ex I still feel so rejected by years and years after our break up. I have a sensitive ego. That's what the books I recommended are for. Women Who Love Too Much an d Smart Women Foolish Choices are so great for helping you to see that it's him, that's it the kind of guy you were with. When I get down about my ex, I feel instantly better when I pick up Women Who Love too Much. It reminds me that he was a big, selfish jerk who never made me happy! Instantly fee better. You said that this guy didn't give. You deserve so much more than that, Trix. You are such a kind, giving person. I've seen it on this board.

Most of all remember the most important rule of grieving: CHOCOLATE IS A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND.

Take exquisite care of yourself during this time. You need your own TLC right now more than you need anything (besides the chocolate).

All My Love and Prayers,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: vwtrixie
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 7:10am
Trix, I think everything MariaC said is wonderful. Great ideas. Go have the make over and buy yourself at least one new outfit! Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: vwtrixie
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 5:35pm
sweetie, i'm sorry. i know it is not fun right now. but, as i said before it is probably for the best and in the long run you will be able to look back and see that. maybe you can find some comfort in that. hope you are feeling more cheery already. treat yourself to anything chocolate today! maybe take a bubble bath, light candles, get a pedicure, just take care of you and pamper yourself.