not sure if he's depressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
not sure if he's depressed
3
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 11:01am
My bf of only a few months is going through a very difficult time right now. Financially, he's in very rough shape. And he's told me a number of times he wishes he could get away from everything and everyone. He's been divorced for about three years now and has already been to doctors for depression, which started during the divorce. He didn't feel anything worked for him and refuses to go back to a doctor. What is the best thing I can do to help him? I tell him I love him, that I will do what I can to help him. He won't take any money from me so it isn't like he's trying to sponge off of me or anything like that. He gets so down and so angry at life, and now he's having physical ailments too. His back is really bothering him, and he has teeth issues and no dental insurance. He is talking of selling his house and getting into something cheaper, and I've told him that I think that once he sells the house and doesn't have that problem hanging over him that he'll start to feel better about things. Sometimes I feel what I say falls on deaf ears. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 11:51am

Welcome, Iloveslz!

AcornLeaves
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 1:05pm
Hi oloveslz, hmmm this is really tough. I think just being there with him can be so great. I think if you hug him when he needs it, and being there as a listening ear when he needs to vent is good too. What if you take a weekend trip somewhere a few hours away? You can take a road trip somewhere and stay there for the whole weekend. Do you think he would like that? Maybe he would like it if you went to therapy with him, but he may want to go by himself.

It seems like he has things on his mind and that some things are not resolved. Maybe he feels like he has to talk about them to someone he doesnt know like a therapist or something, maybe he would be interested in talking about it in here.

Maybe he still has anger and unresolved issues surrounding his divorce. He may still feel cheated or betrayed or something. Maybe he wanted answers that he didnt get. That doesnt mean he still loves his ex-wife, but I think some ppl dont recover from divorce for many years.

Ask him questions and maybe he will open up to you. I hope everything works out. You seem to care about him a lot and he is lucky to have a great partner like you. Take care and all the best :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 10:12am
thank you for your responses. i will buy the book mentioned. i'm supposed to be seeing him tonight and will try to talk to him. its so odd. he calls me usually twice daily, but doesn't seem all that interested in seeing me. when we talked yesterday he said again how he just wants to get away, move to another state, another country. i told him it really hurts me to hear him talk this way, and that it isn't fair. he said life isn't fair. he feels his kids don't need him; that his family considers him the black sheep of the family. his sister says he is just having a big pity party for himself. and i'm just thoroughly confused. i love him. i want to help him. i feel if he didn't want me around he and didn't have the guts to tell me that he would just stop calling me.