update and still feeling so down

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
update and still feeling so down
2
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 1:47am
thought i would give y'all an update on me, that and talking here seems to help a bit. i have decided to totally fully 100% end it with the guy i was with. he was down in austin with his wife working things out and i havent heard from him since monday. and was so upset about it all.

i'm scared and upset that i ruined things like he was just ending things with her finally and he was planning on coming back and surprising me with the fact that he was going to give me a chance and he had no more doubts. i worry that with the email (which i for some reason am feeling really bad about sending and guilty or something tho others who read it said it was fine) i sent him that i screwed things up for any chance for us to be together and he is going to think ill of me or something. or that i am desperate, clingy, a stalker or something like that and he will get mad and say something like "just get over it" or that i'm stalking him or something like that. tho i do think partially i was desperate i just hope he doesnt think i was getting way to obsessed with him and unwilling to let him go. i was just upset and not understanding things with him.

i try to get myself to be mad at him saying that how he treated me wasnt fair or that he shoudlnt have moved so fast or gotten intimate with me if he was having doubts (he said at the beginning when we first hooked up that he didnt have any just him missing his kids made him start to wonder) and that he couldnt give me what i was looking for, wanting.

but i cant ease this depression over it all feeling like it was ME that messed things up, ruined all chances for us. i feel really bad, guilty, upset. etc

i am so hurt and heartbroken and feel like it is all my fault that some how i turned him against me and made him have second thoughts about wanting to be with me that he decided to try things again with his wife and kids no matter what he's feelings are for her or if he thinks it'll work or not.

i dont kno what to do. i dont kno if i should just flat out ignore him cept when we are at work (oh by the way we work together just on diff shifts) but then i am afraid that that will hurt him and make him think i am like the last girl who did that, just ignored him and wont understand that i just need time and space to heal to get over him. how do i act when i see him, like at work, do i just ignore him, or do i act all happy like all this break up and him leaving hasn't bothered me? what about if he calls me do i not answer? i think the hardest thing is going to be at work cause i fear that he think's differently of me thinks i'm some freaky emotional, obsessed woman who will never leave him alone instead of the understanding, caring person he once told me i was. does any one have any suggestions on how to get thru those situations?

and the worst thing is tho, the thing i cant stand the most and seem to go crazy and get really depressed about is knowing the fact that he is down there having sex with her. why is that bothering me so much? and another thing is that the girl who really hurt him before me, well i work with her as well (on my shift) and have begun to get really really jealous of her cause the relationship she is now in is working well, and once again i have no one and am alone. again. when i just want someone to love me like i thought he did and that i can love.

sorry for rambling on, i needed to vent, my dr appt is today so hopefully things will be a little better. thanks for the help so far!

sarah



Edited 4/1/2004 5:40 am ET ET by glitzekleines


Edited 4/1/2004 7:40 am ET ET by glitzekleines

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:11am

Sarah, honey, I hear you!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 12:47pm
Sarah,

I wanted to start this off by saying that I went to your website and I thik your art work is awesome I love LOVE LOVE the tigers that you did I am a huge tiger fanatic I collect all sort of tiger stuff from artwork to sanddollars to snowglobes, I am sure you get the point anyways I wanted to know how much the tiger pieces went for I love the one witht he blue in it, so please let me know...

Okay onto your post.

O kay honey, you are not some whack job so dont think that we all have break ups and they hurt and we blame ourselves saying that we are wrong and we are bad and that we are not good enough for that person but in the end they are not good enough for us.

You said he just got divorsed how long ago?

was it in the past year or so?

He may not be as ready as he thought he was to start a new relationship and please try to not torture yourself with thoughts of him having sex with someone else it is not going to hep you at all.

The co-worker well I think we all get jealious of someone when they are with someone and in love and happy and we are not in a relationship I think that it is pretty normal humane reaction to stuff like that I know that when I am single and my friends are with someone I get kinda sad because I want someone also but I know that in time my right person will come along.

I feel that you ending things with this man was the right thing for you if it wasnt then you would not have done it...the important thing is to always do what you feel is best for yourself sometimes it sucks but the bad enver lasts forever.

Honey I wish I had something more and better to tell you Just know that we are all here for you whenever you need us.

Take care of yourself and I would really love to find out more on yor tiger artwork it really is awesome please emial me thru my profile.

Erin