sorry, didn't know where else to go...
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sorry, didn't know where else to go...
| Fri, 04-02-2004 - 10:07pm |
I need to know where I can find a psychologist, because I don't think I can handle this alone anymore. I live in DFW, TX, and if anybody knows where I can get a good head dr, please let me know! Where I work, (in retail and with alot of women) is breaking me. I used to think that the experience of working there is good for me, it lets me know and understand my boundries and limiations and to understand my "demons", but hey, I can only take soo much. I feels like I'm in middle and high school all over again. I grew up in a small town, so if the girls in your class didn't like you enough to be friends or nice to you, then you'd eventually feel very very crappy. All of those repressed feelings I had when i was younger are beginning to surface again. And like I said before, at first I felt that it was good for me. But now, now I can feel it slowly breaking me down. Hurting me, beating me down. Another thing, for as long as I can remember(my first memory of this is when i was senior in high school), when I get suddenly pissed off, a little spark happens, and I find myself hitting the first wall i come to. I've even started hitting walls at work, when i know i'm alone, and out of view of customers or co workers. I know that if they ever saw me for what i really am, they'd hate me even more. Sometimes, since the tradegy of my nieces and nephew being murdered 2yrs. ago, I find myself thinking as i drive down that road, that, what if i just lurch my steering wheel to the right or to the left, or, if during that curve, just keep going forward. Its not that i really want to kill myself, just hurt myself. when i was younger i used to prick myself with needles, now i hit walls. I'm seeing a very dangerous path here, and i need help.

if you want i can give you phone numbers, just shoot me an email from the board and i can give them to you.
hang in there ok, we are here for you when ever you need us, keep us updated ok?
sarah
Hey there,
I think that Sarah can help you out alot since it seems that you are both from almost the same area....
What you posted hit home for me it was like me reading something that I would write or did write at one point here on the board.
I want to tell you that when I was in high school I was an ugly duckling I had a boys body I never wore make up did my hari ect..the girls were cruel I also have a disorder with my eyes called nestacmus my eyes shake and in order for me to focus I need to look up just a bit but when I was little I looked as if I was looking at the heavens that is how bad I had to look up to focus it got teased and picked on and boys didnt like me they were afraid of me thinking that they would catch wha tI had I know it is sill now but I was devistated beck then and now my eyes are a conversation started most of the time but 70 percent of the time people do not notice it they really do not shake as much as they used to.
What I am trying to say is I have grown up I see people from high school who cant get over how different I look how much better I look and thhe guys who teased me and called me ugly are now flirting with me and they look horrible I sound petty but I love it I love how now they are the ugly ones and they think that I am good looking.
The anger thing I can relate to that I get into such rages at times I hit things yell at people cry ect...and it scares me I used to cut myself have scares on my both my arms for the rest of my life I have thought about hittign trees when I am driving just to hurt myself more but then I think that I could die loose my legs arms ect and I do not want to die I do not want ot live in a wheel chair so I listen to some great music and calm down but I do get into rages at work at home I have never harmed someone but I get afraid that I may someday I mostly yell at people..
I have a mood disorder that is why I am like this I have bipolar disorder but my manic phases are not me being supper happy or anything like that I do get alot of energy but my manic is agrivation rage aggresion ect...that is my manic do you think that maybe you have a mood disorder?
have you looked into catholic charaties? alot of the women on the board talk about it and it seems like a great organization.
I hope that I have been a little helpful.
I wish you the best and many hugs to you.
Erin
Anyways, thanks for your help!
Sweetie welcome to the board,
On top of what Sarah has told you, there are a couple of places that might be of help to.
Hi, Mystic5!