sorry, didn't know where else to go...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
sorry, didn't know where else to go...
5
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 10:07pm
I need to know where I can find a psychologist, because I don't think I can handle this alone anymore. I live in DFW, TX, and if anybody knows where I can get a good head dr, please let me know! Where I work, (in retail and with alot of women) is breaking me. I used to think that the experience of working there is good for me, it lets me know and understand my boundries and limiations and to understand my "demons", but hey, I can only take soo much. I feels like I'm in middle and high school all over again. I grew up in a small town, so if the girls in your class didn't like you enough to be friends or nice to you, then you'd eventually feel very very crappy. All of those repressed feelings I had when i was younger are beginning to surface again. And like I said before, at first I felt that it was good for me. But now, now I can feel it slowly breaking me down. Hurting me, beating me down. Another thing, for as long as I can remember(my first memory of this is when i was senior in high school), when I get suddenly pissed off, a little spark happens, and I find myself hitting the first wall i come to. I've even started hitting walls at work, when i know i'm alone, and out of view of customers or co workers. I know that if they ever saw me for what i really am, they'd hate me even more. Sometimes, since the tradegy of my nieces and nephew being murdered 2yrs. ago, I find myself thinking as i drive down that road, that, what if i just lurch my steering wheel to the right or to the left, or, if during that curve, just keep going forward. Its not that i really want to kill myself, just hurt myself. when i was younger i used to prick myself with needles, now i hit walls. I'm seeing a very dangerous path here, and i need help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 1:45am
hang in there. i kno how rough it can be to be at a place (work place that is) where people hate you and seem to be against you. i went thru that about 2 years ago and had to take 2 months off from work, and even now once again i find myself having problems with another person on my shift and am looking for a new place to work (hard after 7 yrs here) i live in the dfw area as well, northern part. I go to the CCD Counsling Center Of Decatur (the branch in Denton). they are very good and have helped me numerous times. i've also was told that the Center for Christian Counseling in Flower Mound across from Marcus High School on Morris at Valley Ridge was a good one as well, my sister knows one of the ladies who works there and she is very good.

if you want i can give you phone numbers, just shoot me an email from the board and i can give them to you.

hang in there ok, we are here for you when ever you need us, keep us updated ok?

sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 8:56am



Hey there,

I think that Sarah can help you out alot since it seems that you are both from almost the same area....

What you posted hit home for me it was like me reading something that I would write or did write at one point here on the board.

I want to tell you that when I was in high school I was an ugly duckling I had a boys body I never wore make up did my hari ect..the girls were cruel I also have a disorder with my eyes called nestacmus my eyes shake and in order for me to focus I need to look up just a bit but when I was little I looked as if I was looking at the heavens that is how bad I had to look up to focus it got teased and picked on and boys didnt like me they were afraid of me thinking that they would catch wha tI had I know it is sill now but I was devistated beck then and now my eyes are a conversation started most of the time but 70 percent of the time people do not notice it they really do not shake as much as they used to.

What I am trying to say is I have grown up I see people from high school who cant get over how different I look how much better I look and thhe guys who teased me and called me ugly are now flirting with me and they look horrible I sound petty but I love it I love how now they are the ugly ones and they think that I am good looking.

The anger thing I can relate to that I get into such rages at times I hit things yell at people cry ect...and it scares me I used to cut myself have scares on my both my arms for the rest of my life I have thought about hittign trees when I am driving just to hurt myself more but then I think that I could die loose my legs arms ect and I do not want to die I do not want ot live in a wheel chair so I listen to some great music and calm down but I do get into rages at work at home I have never harmed someone but I get afraid that I may someday I mostly yell at people..

I have a mood disorder that is why I am like this I have bipolar disorder but my manic phases are not me being supper happy or anything like that I do get alot of energy but my manic is agrivation rage aggresion ect...that is my manic do you think that maybe you have a mood disorder?

have you looked into catholic charaties? alot of the women on the board talk about it and it seems like a great organization.

I hope that I have been a little helpful.

I wish you the best and many hugs to you.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 9:59am
yes, sarah, I would like some of those phone numbers.. I live way over here in the north ft worth area, so i guess, go ahead and give me those ph. numbers, they're kinda far away from where i am, but maybe knowing i have them will still be an iniative to get me to actually go through with it, to seek out help, because i'm beginning to feel extremly small, i'm nearly 27, and I just realized I have no idea what i want to do with my life, what kind of jobs i'm really good at, because retail is all i know, that when i look in the mirror, i don't recongize the person staring back at me, and worse, i don't like her. i'd prefer to repress her as well!

Anyways, thanks for your help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 12:14pm

Sweetie welcome to the board,


On top of what Sarah has told you, there are a couple of places that might be of help to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 12:40pm

Hi, Mystic5!

AcornLeaves