need some words of encouragement

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
need some words of encouragement
4
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:25pm
I'm 35, and have had problems with low-level depression for most of my life. In the past year and a half, I think it turned into a major depression. Sorry for the long message, and for blabbing on about myself for so long, but I don't have anyone else to talk about this with. Maybe someone out there will even find my story relevant to their own experiences.

In some ways I am still functioning in daily life, but in other ways I just collapsed, and suffered serious losses in my life as a result of mood problems. For example, I used to be employed in a secure job with benefits. It was secure, but it was also mind-numbing repetitive clerical work, and after about two years, I had begun to dread going in there every day. That's when I started to really get down. I know it affected my coworkers, because I would just sit there all day and avoid interacting with the people around me, plus I know I had this cloud of misery around me. Finally, my boss pressured me to resign, and since I hated the job anyway, I did. I was able to get cobra coverage and unemployment for a while. I had been seeing a talk therapist for about a year before I quit, and continued until the health benefits ran out. I also tried antidepressants. They worked for a while, but then the effect wore off, and there were side effects side effects. Even when the drug was working, I felt sedated all the time, and had no initiative to do anything about my employment situation. I also gained 20 lbs, and haven't been able to lose it since. I stopped the medication about a year ago now.

I don't have a husband or boyfriend, and what family I have is not very close. They aren't people I can confide in. I have a couple of friends in the city where I live, but I try not to burden them too much with my worries. A little here and there, but I don't want to scare them off.

I have always been kind of shy and solitary, and dealing with people I don't know well is unpleasant for me. It tires me out. This is why I haven't even tried to apply for a job.

I have been living on savings for the past year, but that can't go on for much longer. I really feel like I have run out of options in life.

On the other hand, I am educated, creative, organized, and independent. In the past year I had my first solo show (I'm an artist), and it was because I lost my job that I had the time to produce the work for the show.

My plan is to give up my expensive apartment in the city, and move out to the country where you can live on less $$$. My dream is to open up a small shop selling specialty clothes and jewelry. I'm taking the first steps to start the business, starting with a website until I can afford to rent an actual retail space, getting the proper papers to buy wholesale in my state. This is a big change in my life, and I wish I had someone to talk about it with. Making big decisions is so much easier when you can have a conversation about it with a friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 4:02pm
Hi sweetie!! Welcome to the board.

I am not from the US, so I won't be able to give you much advice on health care and all that stuff. But I know that there are places where you can talk with people. How many meds have you tried? Sometimes it takes trying many different ones before you find the right one, and the right dose.

I don't know anything about starting your own business, but it sounds very interesting. Have you looked around IVillage for a support board? They seem to have everything!

Take care

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 4:05pm

((((((Martha)))))), welcome to our board!

AcornLeaves
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 4:06pm
Martha,

I am 35, too. I had depression & social anxiety my entire life. I was finally able to beat this with vitamins and diet.

You have a dream that needs to be met! Maybe I could share story with you so you might get some ideas that will help

Email me anytime!

Linda

weaverll@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 1:50pm
Hi Linda,

This discussion board has been so helpful to me...many times when I just want to crawl into bed and never get up again, I go here instead and just read what other people have written. Even though the details of their lives may be really different from mine, they have the same feelings I do. It helps to know I am not the only one who has these kinds of negative thoughts and feelings. It's scary too, to see how many people with depression are alone and isolated, or have been abandoned by their friends.

It's more encouraging to hear that someone has been able to make changes in their life for the better. Or even overcome their struggle with depression.

I would really like to hear your story. If you don't want to post here I can send an email-

Martha123456