New here...long

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
New here...long
3
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 8:14am
Hello,

I guess my depression really reared it’s ugly head last Sept. and has become worse since

then. Let me back up. I was dx’d with fibromyalgia back in the mid ‘90’s which forced

me to quit work for sometime. I later worked again until I was hit with unexplained

fainting and dizzy spells. Today every day is filled with dizziness, vertigo and of course

the pain from the fibro. I also suffer from migrains and I need a hysterectomy but my doc

says I’m to fragile at this point so I suffer 3 weeks out of the month with that.

Everything came to a head about 6 weeks ago when I realized I was alive but no longer

living. I sat down, wrote letters to my loved ones and settled down with a knife ready to

end it all. At the last moment I called 911 and asked for help.

I spent a week in the hospital where they tried 4 different medications for depression

which I had negative reactions to each of them. I have been on Clonazepam for years and

they refuse to change to a different med to help with the panic and anxiety. It was

determined that meds were not an option for me. When I was released into the custody of

my hubby I was ordered to a 12 step program with a phycotherapist. I’m in my 4th week

and not much has changed. I’m learning how to change my thought patterns when

somthing bad happens but I can’t relate them to my situation.

I guess my biggest problem in trying to deal with all this is that I have no one to turn to.

Being ill all the time has pushed away any friends I did have. I guess after saying “thanks

but I’m not up to it today” has taken it’s toll and they’ve moved on. I feel so isolated

especially when hubby is at work.

Every night when I go to bed I tell myself that tomorrow will be a better day but so far

that hasn’t happened. If anything my symptoms have become worse (dizziness, PMS etc)

and I know that it only sends me into deeper depression and hightens my anxiety.

Anyway, sorry to dump my first time on the board but if you have read this far thank you

for listening. It’s the first time in months that I’ve been able to speak (write) about my

feelings and problems to anyone.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 9:48am
Hi there. Welcome to the board. I think you found a great place because there are a lot of supportive ppl in here. Thank you for sharing these personal things about yourself which Im sure were hard to write. I hope writing here can help you to release some of your pent up feelings. Whats great about it is that it is pretty much anonymous if you want and you can tell us anything at all. I hope things really look up to you. Im sorry to hear about your pain but I think its never too late to start your life again the way you want.

I suggest you write down a few of your goals, pick simple ones and try to work on them for a little while. Whether you achieve them or not doesnt really matter because at least you tried.

HUGS and take care
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 11:51am

I want to welcome you to our board, (((((Miserableinont))))).

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 7:21am
Hello and thank you for your kind words. I am in Ontario and I just joined the Fibro board about a week ago and already have a wonderful penpal. It sure helps to be able to bend an ear with someone who can really understand what you are going through. ivilliage has been a God sent for me. BTW thank you for the email but I have an alternate one that I use for these boards. It's a little more private than the email address I gave in my profile (whole family reads them). If you wish to contact me or if you recieve one from "Lea Mammy"-"Monarch_0566@hotmail.com it's me!

Thanks again and have a wonderful day!

Tam