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| Thu, 04-08-2004 - 8:14am |
I guess my depression really reared it’s ugly head last Sept. and has become worse since
then. Let me back up. I was dx’d with fibromyalgia back in the mid ‘90’s which forced
me to quit work for sometime. I later worked again until I was hit with unexplained
fainting and dizzy spells. Today every day is filled with dizziness, vertigo and of course
the pain from the fibro. I also suffer from migrains and I need a hysterectomy but my doc
says I’m to fragile at this point so I suffer 3 weeks out of the month with that.
Everything came to a head about 6 weeks ago when I realized I was alive but no longer
living. I sat down, wrote letters to my loved ones and settled down with a knife ready to
end it all. At the last moment I called 911 and asked for help.
I spent a week in the hospital where they tried 4 different medications for depression
which I had negative reactions to each of them. I have been on Clonazepam for years and
they refuse to change to a different med to help with the panic and anxiety. It was
determined that meds were not an option for me. When I was released into the custody of
my hubby I was ordered to a 12 step program with a phycotherapist. I’m in my 4th week
and not much has changed. I’m learning how to change my thought patterns when
somthing bad happens but I can’t relate them to my situation.
I guess my biggest problem in trying to deal with all this is that I have no one to turn to.
Being ill all the time has pushed away any friends I did have. I guess after saying “thanks
but I’m not up to it today” has taken it’s toll and they’ve moved on. I feel so isolated
especially when hubby is at work.
Every night when I go to bed I tell myself that tomorrow will be a better day but so far
that hasn’t happened. If anything my symptoms have become worse (dizziness, PMS etc)
and I know that it only sends me into deeper depression and hightens my anxiety.
Anyway, sorry to dump my first time on the board but if you have read this far thank you
for listening. It’s the first time in months that I’ve been able to speak (write) about my
feelings and problems to anyone.

I suggest you write down a few of your goals, pick simple ones and try to work on them for a little while. Whether you achieve them or not doesnt really matter because at least you tried.
HUGS and take care
I want to welcome you to our board, (((((Miserableinont))))).
Thanks again and have a wonderful day!
Tam