new - just need some support
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| Thu, 04-08-2004 - 3:55pm |
I'm new here and thought that it might help me to empathize with some of you who were going through similar feelings. I have been having ups and downs lately and am so tired of it.
I guess that the background is that recently I have had a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy, split up with my husband and started a new job. It is a lot to deal with all at once and mostly I just "spectate" my emotional life rather than feel it. Now I'm going though a period of recurrant migraines which make me feel really useless (actually, I AM useless!) and they last for a day to a month long. I just got through a two week one and had two weeks off and yesterday after a particularly stressful episode at work, I got another one. I am fortunate that I can take migraine medicine and continue to function on some level despite exhaustion but is very unfortuante that they do not seem to go away very easily and I have to keep on taking the medicine every several hours.
When I am feeling very down like today and would rather just stay in bed, I just keep on going. I try to make plans with friends for lunch or dinner. I try to go to yoga class. But I get so TIRED of coping and being strong. I want to curl up into a little ball and be comfortable.
Ok, I'll look around and see what everyone has to say. Thanks for listening and I hope that you are all having a wonderful day.
Best wishes, SarahLeigh

I just wanted to show some support I can not fathom how much you have gone thru I know how stressful it must eto start a new job I have been there many many times but am finally holding one down as much as I hate it I need to, and then with the seperation between you and your husband but maybe you two can come to a resolve.
and then the pregnancy I have heard of them that is where the baby is outside the uterus right? I know I m sounding very naive and I am sorry but are you okay now and what about the baby? is the baby okay?
I am sorry for asking such questions but what I dont know I try to understand as best I can.
I used to get horrible headaches we thought they were migranes you could tap the top of my head and I was in crying pain but I got licky and have not gotten like that for many years. it sucks that the meds you take for the migranes take so long to work and that you have to suffer for so long I wish there was a magicpill I know that alot of the ladies here suffer from migranes maybe they have some useful info for you.
I also wanted to thank you for your responce to my post I appreciate it and I am so happy that I have inspired you I just hope that I dont let anyone down and not be a success at what I want to do.
I do hope that things get better for you and that you become happy and only good things come your way from today and forever.
I hope that you post alot and that we can get to know you better.
Erin
Thank YOU for all of your support.
Unfortuantely, the fetus grew for 12 weeks in the left fallopian tube and then it ruptured and had to be surgically removed. It was ridiculously painful and really bad that there was blood filling up my abdomen. It was a bad scene overall because the doctors really should have caught it in the last three times that I had had sonograms becuase of missed periods - they knew that I was pregnant, they just didn't "realize" that it was outside of the uterus. Bad HMO!
Anyhow, the fetus and my left tube are now gone and I have only scars and a feeling of loss and greif. I'm so busy with my work that I really haven't had time to deal with it. It completely changed the direction of my life and really came between my husband and myself. He did not understand why I have been upset at all and just thought I should get over it. He actually would tell me what he did not understand why I was so upset. It's not something that I want to do (be sad), I really can't put the logic there, but it is something that I FEEL and it is really hard to have no one to talk to who agrees that this is a really really sad thing and no one who asks how I'm doing. It just upsets my parents so i don't like to talk to them about it much - but I guess that I should. It all makes me so sad.
You are too hard on yourself! You're doing so great and worried about letting people down - I guess it is hard for a lot of us to not be perfect. I know that it is for me - I want to do everything that I do exceptionally well and there's just too much - sometimes I just need to be good enough. It does not help that I feel like a disappointmet to my parents regarding this marriage.
whoops. what a downer this email is! bluuh. time to work.
xoxxoxoxoSarahLeigh
Oh, honey, you
I am also new to this message board and am also looking for support.
I read your post and understand what a hard time you are having. You have a lot to deal with and some pretty serious problems. I can really relate to the endlessness of the depression, though. I feel very hopeless much of the time. I know there's gotta be some way to get out of this, but I haven't found it yet. It sounds like you're doing all the right things...keeping busy, being with friends...I think that is terrific! I try to keep busy, but I also have difficulty with rumination and perseverating thoughts that kinda "haunt me" during the day. They are all negative and contribute a lot to how I'm feeling. It's hard not to give up sometimes and to reassure myself that I can make it through another day. Hang in there and God bless, Sharon
Sharon, I do have that problem too - of not being able to "turn my mind off". I can go from having a fine day to a very bad day indeed by just "spinning off" in my head.
Last night was miserable. I was having a terrible headache and nausea but could not sleep becuase I had slept all day (migraine) and I could not reach my boyfriend on the phone and I ended up cutting myself. bluuuh.
For some reason, seeing the blood makes me feel better for a while. I have never cut myself seriously more just like scratches, but then sometimes I imagine cutting myself more and that's where it gets scary. I would prefer not to do this, but it just helps so much. All of this numbness and the strange objectivity of watching myself be physically or emotinally distressed is only good to a point - that I don't become overwhelmed. I am scared of feeling all of the pain. It is too much, I am trying to protect myself by "watching". But I'd like to be very much inside myself and feel me as well.
I went to yoga this morning, which helps me so much. I am very much present and happy with me at yoga.
hugs SL
((((((Sarahleigh)))))), I'm so sorry for all you are going through.
Hi Sarah!
Just wanted to say Welcome and I see that the great ladies here have offered some wonderful words of support!
I look forward to getting to know you better now too!
*hugs
*hugs