help- so confused and tired - poss trigg

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
help- so confused and tired - poss trigg
2
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 6:10am
I really need some good advice. I'm sad and crying and very confused and I don't know what to do anymore.

Last week I finally saw a psychiatrist and it seems that I'm depressed because I have lacked a stimulating and understanding environment. This is not uncommon in gifted people when the educational and social systems fail to accomodate somebody who is different. I've always felt different from others, and besides that, despite being talented in many areas, I haven't focused long enough in one area before to fulfill the potential I know I have in me. So now I'm going into behavioral therapy to learn to appreciate myself, focus my talents, and find ways to connect. There may or may not be medication involved, I'm getting off Effexor now because it's not good for me, and at my next consultation we are going to address this issue.

Besides this, I am still grieving for my husband, who passed away four months ago. I miss him so much.

I also am still waiting for his affairs to be settled and until that's done, I don't have any financial security. In ten days it will probably be settled and I will be fine, but that's what I thought 3 months ago too. My house is too big for me now and I have been considering selling it, and moving to an island in the sun for a year before I move to LA to pursue my career. My family all want me to sell the house; it reminds them too much of my husband and this stops them from visiting me. I feel very alone.

Yesterday I started to panic; I don't want to move! I am sooo tired and I cannot think where I am supposed to get the energy from. I'm starting an intense period of therapy, trying to build a career, and trying to move at the same time. I would like to escape the nasty side of the business, and of course there are always people you don't want to run into. Everything here reminds me of my life with my husband. The weather is awful ten months of the year and I have no space for my dogs to run. But - I also have a life of my own. I have friends here, hobbies, and theater and the arts at my fingertips. I have a house that we built together and though it's depressing to be here, it's also my safe place. I just don't know what to do. There are potential buyers lined up, and if I sell, I could make a lot of money and start over, but I just don't know where to get the energy from. There's no way I can build a new life here, but I could hang in here until I am ready to go to LA.

It's been such a long road. I'm just starting to get to know this person, the one who I've always known I have in me. But I just cannot figure out what to do now. And I do have to make a decision one way or the other.

Does anybody have some good advice for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 7:28am
Hello,

First of all I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. As I read your post I could see the strength that you have within you, you perhaps just don't see it in yourself. You have so many things to consider, changes to make etc. and yet you are still able to see the future in some capacity. You are an inspiration!

What might help is (please don't think this is crazy) actually writing down the pros and cons of each of the decisions you must make. I've done this in the past several times and it actually helps when it comes to decison making. Another thing that might help is a plan. Start with where you want to be in say 6 months, a year etc. Honestly, when you see this stuff on paper you are able to see things more clearly.

That's about all I have to offer except my hopes that your dark skies become brighter and that you do what is in your best interest. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 9:55am

hi sweetie!


What a lot you have on your plate right now!

*hugs