a close family - - triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
a close family - - triggers
2
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 4:26pm
That's what I wish for, a close family.

Lately things have been really bad for me - I've had the same problems for so many years now that I don't believe my life will ever be any better than it is now, and that makes it hard to keep getting up every day. I'm not suicidal, and I never have been, but in the past few months I've been thinking about people who did it. I watched a movie about Sylvia Plath, and read a biography of Virginia Woolf. I empathize with the pain they must have been in. It scares me that I'm preoccupied with this stuff. Is that how it starts?

I posted here for the first time last week, although I have been reading these boards for a while now.

Today has been hard - holidays always kill me, because my family has pretty much disintegrated. I don't have much family left, but I do have a mother and a sister. My sister stopped communicating with the rest of the family about a year ago. My mother prefers not to "do holidays" - she isn't interested in getting together with relatives (meaning me and my sister). So I usually spend holidays hiding out in my apartment alone, waiting for them to pass.

I decided to call my mother and talk with her about the problem I've been having with depression. I wanted to find out if she thought it runs in the family, and I wanted at least one person in my life to understand what I'm going through. It was a weird phone call. First I asked her if depression runs in the family, and she said, "well maybe, I'm not sure. I can be pretty antisocial sometimes." Then I told her I was depressed, and was going to try medication again. She expounded about the differences between how Zoloft works in the brain compared to Wellbutrin (she's a nurse). Then, she changed the subject altogether, as if I had just said, "it's been rainy this weekend" instead of "I'm having problems with depression".

I feel so isolated.

I don't have insurance, but I need to find some medical help. Someone on this board mentioned Catholic Charities, so I'll look into that. Thank you for the advice. This board has helped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 11:38am
Hi Martha, I'm sorry your weekend left you feeling so sad. Holidays can really be bad for those of us with depression. It sounds like your mom tried to be helpful, but she may have issues of her own. Have you tried reaching out to your sister lately? I hope you're feeling better today, please keep posting and let us know how you are--Kassie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 12:58pm

Hi, Martha!

AcornLeaves