Need a little help....
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Need a little help....
| Tue, 04-13-2004 - 11:55am |
Hi I'm new to this so I will let you know a little about me first before asking my question. I've suffered depression all of my life and was finally diagnosed back in 1998.
My question right now is why do I feel the need to always cause some trouble in my life when things are going alright or even starting to calm down. I've noticed that I start to do those things either right before or right after I start to fall back into my depression. It's not like I don't have enough going on in my head or anything. I just want to know if anyone else out there does this too and if so why do I do it.
Thanks.

I think alot of us can relate to what you are asking in your question.
You say that you have suffered with depression all your life (me too). So probably you aren't used to feeling "okay" or even happy. And if you don't know how to feel that way, it can be pretty scary. So you may be sabotaging yourself to put yourself in a situation that is comfortable. Does that make sense? It's like the fear of the unknown, and that is something I have been trying very hard to work on.
Have you thought of seeing a therapist and/or using medications? Medications can make a huge difference.
Take care sweetie. Hope to "see" you around.
Pamela
HI and Welcome to the board!!
I understand what you mean hun,, I think we have all sabotaged ourselves at some point during our depression... Its because as miserable as we are we are also "safe" in our own minds when we are in our little "shell" of depression and as much as we want to come out of it, it means dealing with things that may be hard so its easier to make ourselves think we cant do it.
Im glad you were finally diagnosed hun.. are you on meds ? and or seeing a therapist? Those things can really help especially when you start to "slip"
Look forward to getting to know you better!
*hugs
Welcome to our board.
I've also heard this tendency described as addiction to chaos. Suffering from depression for your whole life means that your basic operating level is pretty low. I mean that your normal mode is one of depression. By creating drama in your life, you cause yourself anxiety and stress. That anxiety is actually the closest thing you have to feeling alive. It gives you the only source of energy you've ever been able to count on in a consistent way. Without it you may even feel BORED. Many people feel like life without drama is boring. It doesn't give them adrenaline or the interesting things to talk about that having drama gives them.
I know that I have a tendency to be late for things. It's because my normal emotional level is low mellow that I actually need a sense of urgency to be motivated to get things done. I usually try to pack everything I need to get done into the space just before I leave for an appointment. The stress gives me motivation. I've been working on changing this pattern recently. I've been proud of myself for being very early to school for the past 7 weeks. That's a record for me. I was always five to twenty minutes late before.
There's a book called "Learning to Love Yourself" by Gay Henricks that addresses the issue of upper limits and creating drama just when you've gotten some peace. It's a great book. I highly recommend it.
The best book I know for dealing with depression in general is The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, MD. It gives you step by step ways to change your negative beliefs and thoughts using Cognitive Behavior Therapy. This kind of therapy has the highest success rate with treating depression.
The best way to cope with your self-sabotage is to pay attention to those times when you create crisis. Notice the pattern DURING the pattern. That's the way to stop yourself. Even if you have to say "STOP" to yourself outloud, you can change the pattern. You just have to recognize what you are doing and force yourself to stop doing it and do something else instead.
For instance, if you spend more than you have, you force yourself to leave the store, or not go in the store in the first place. If you pick fights with your loved ones, you force yourself to close your mouth and leave the room. Then you can use the Feeling Good Handbook to look at what your beliefs are that are making you mad. If you go out drinking, then get drunk and do things you regret, you make yourself stop going out drinking. You have the power to change the pattern of self-sabotage. It's a matter of first recognizing what your pattern is, then seeing what moment you usually go into it.
I used to have a pattern of getting to know men, then getting more involved with them than I should. I did this when I was in relationships with other men. I would get emotionally involved and be torn apart by the conflict. "Torn between two lovers" was my theme song. My therapist helped me to recognize the moment when I violated the boundary of my relationship. It wasn't when I let a man hold me, it was when I let him be in an intimate dialogue with me, if only on the internet. Now I don't even let men go down that path. I'm not an opening to it anymore. It's made my life so much happier! However, I was addicted to feeling that other men wanted me. I had to decide that I wanted to give up the ego boost and the drama that those relationships created for me. I still feel excitement when an attractive man comes onto me, but I know that's my cue to run the other way. I don't want the unyielding heartbreak and guilt that goes along with that pattern.
Hope that helps some.
Take Care,
MariaC