Reply to previous posting

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Reply to previous posting
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 11:45pm
Thanks for replying to my last posting. It's hard to go through these things when you feel that you're the only one who goes through them and does these things. It makes it a little easier when I know that I'm not the only one like this out there.

My major problem is messing up relationships. Like MariaC, I get a kick out of getting attention from other men, especially when I'm in a relationship. Throw alcohol into the mix and it's not pretty. I know that I need to quit drinking but it's hard to do when that has been my main "coping" (avoiding) technique for the last 12 years or so. It's my lifestyle now so It'll take a lot for me to change that area of my life.

As you can tell, this is what I did to mess up this time. I told my boyfriend, who is not here with me at the moment, what happened. I thought that he would leave me for sure but he surprised me and forgave me. I was just so shocked that he said that we could work things out. Every other guy that I did this to left me the minute they found out but not this one. I'm so glad that he didn't leave me though because I really do care for him and I do want him in my future.

I just don't know how to change my patterns of this destructive behaviour I have had going for years. I plan on checking out the 2 books MariaC refered me to. But other than that I have no clue what else to do to try and change. I'll try just about anything at this point because I'm sick and tired of being my own worst enemy.

Now to answer your questions.

I have been on all different kinds of meds but I have been on Celexa for over 2 years now and it's the only one that hasn't given me really bad side effects. My doctor and I feel that it's the best one for me. Although I sometimes come off of it when I'm feeling good again and this is what tends to happen within a month or two of coming off of them. I know I should stay on them but I'm on so many other meds for other problems so I take a break from some of them once and a while. I know that that's not the best thing and I need to take them everyday but it's hard sometimes.

I have also seen doctors and other professionals to do the emotional work but it never seems to work out for me. I either end up with someone who pushes their beliefs on me about God and all or they want me to move faster than I'm ready in dealing with stuff so I eventually quit. I know I need this help but it's really hard to find someone in the small town and area that can help me out.

I would like to thank you all again for the responses you all had for me. It will take some time to look into my past to realize all of the patterns I have but I plan on doing it. Thank you again.