mind playing tricks on me or is it truth
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| Wed, 04-14-2004 - 4:20am |
he kept up the contact but via email and sometimes phone. last thurs he invited me over for breakfast but it was just like 2 friends together and i left about 30 min later.
now during the past few days he seems to not want to have anything to do with me. he wont send any emails unless i sent one first. he called only after i called him and he seemed really pissy like he was HAVING to call me. tho yesterday he did call on his own 2x and asked that i call him back.
the thing is tho now i keep getting this gut feeling that he and his wife aren't trying to work things out anymore that they have given up but he doesnt want to tell me cause he doesnt want me to think that he will come back to me and give me a chance, cause he doesnt want to be with me anymore. he said last night that he was mainly going down to see his kids (i was in a pissy mood and had made a comment about not believing he had made it more than a week w/o sex, he said he could and that seeing his kids was the main reason for going down, i later called back and apologized for the comment). and recently i had found porno site registration confirmations and personals memebership confirmations on his computer.
i cant get this gut feeling out of my head. i want to kno if what i am worring about is true or not. i dont kno if he has ANY feelings towards me or even why he invited me over and made the first move that night and morning.
should i send an email asking him if he doesnt want anything to do with me anymore and if he and his wife have stopped trying, ask him what made him change his mind about me? or should i just leave it be and try to get it outta my head? is he mad at me or did i chase him away with all the emails i sent inquirying about his feelings etc? making him feel smothered? he did say before that i hadnt done anything to upset him or change his mind. but now i am having doubts again. i get even more depressed thinking of him and his wife together, thought stopping doesnt seem to work in long term.
should i just ignore him and not return his phone calls or emails if he does send one or call?
any advise would be greatly appreciated, i have no idea what this guy is thinking/wanting with his actions. i want to be happy again and move on from him but cant. i've been going to counsling but it seems these bad times hit between times.
sarah
Edited 4/14/2004 4:22 am ET ET by glitzekleines

Let me begin by telling you that I was the married wife who's husband was seeing someone on the side. He did the bouncing back and forth thing and I finally made a decision because I was an emoitonal wreck. I contacted the other woman and said I was leaving my husband and that she should give him some space as well until he could figure out what he wanted. I moved out shortly after that. During the 10 months I was away we kept in contact (because of our son) but I never let it get beyond that. He worked through his problems and now we have been happily married for almost 20 years.
I guess what I am suggesting is giving him his space, don't call, email etc. and let him figure out what he wants. It's not easy thinking that you may lose him but in the end a decision will be made (if you put your foot down) and you will know where you stand. Take the bull by the horns and start calling the shots and give yourself back some power in this relationship. Also, remember that distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Morning Sarah!
Its really hard for me at least ( or anyone for that matter) to tell you what to do with a relationship.. Only you know what is best for you..
*hugs
"i had found porno site registration confirmations and personals memebership confirmations on his computer."
I Pasted this part first because I had a question and I didnt want to forget it, how did you find this info on his computer? I ask because it seems like such personal information to tell someone about....and I am sorry if I sound harsh but if he wants to look at porn he has a right to it isnt a crime unless it is of kids but i doubt that is what he is doing because you didnt mention what kind of pron it is as much as you do not want him to look at the porn he has a right to if he wants to there is nothing wrong with porn unless you are addicted to it.
I do not htink that you should ask him what is going on with his wife..is he still married to her? if he is then I think that you should stay away from him, let him be with his children and if he works things out with his wife then it was meant to be..I know that I sound mean and that is not what is meant for me to sound like but I try to not sugar coat things, the thing is Sarah if he chooses to work thing out with his wife then yes he should tell you that he doesnt want to be with you anymore but as far as what he is doing while visiting with his kids is his business, I do not know what kind of relationship you and he have or how long you have been with him how much time has been invested in this relationship, but I think that in order for you to feel better you need to let him go cause from what I have read all of this has caused you nothing but pain and someone who really wants to be with you would not cause you pain..
I know how hard it is to break free from someone you care about but if it is for the greater good then it is worth trying to do, do you really enjoy feeling this way? I do not think you do after a while you will start to feel better I promise but you need to get yourself out of this situation first before you can even work on feeling better and it seems to me that this man is the whole reason why you are so down right now and once he is gone you will start to climb back up that rope and out of the pit.
I have been in similar situation and know what it feels like but once I broke away I did start to feel better and not so sad I know you can do it but you have got to want to do it, if you enjoy feeling so bad than stay with this man but if you want to start to feel better then run as fast as you can.
Once again I am sorry for being blunt or sounding mean I really am not a mean person but I just get mad when I see a woman trapped emotionally by a man, you are a strong person and we are all here for you.
I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
Erin