Not Good--part two--poss triggs
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| Fri, 04-16-2004 - 9:51pm |
I am disgusted with myself for getting so upset about not getting the job. I knew going in that if someone came with experience with a band--that person would get it. It just makes sense. I'm not even sure I would want to mess with a beginners band. I work well with my flute students---but that's one on one for the most part. My postion now as music teacher involves music theory, I teach them to play recorders and we sing.
So here I am, crying most of the night and going to school today with red, painful eyes. I feel almost paralyzed and I hate this. Next week I have a performance with my 2nd graders Monday night, my 8th grade spring show is Wednesday and then Saturday I have an orchestra concert of my own. Then I have no excuse to keep on. But why try, I never even get that right!
I don't see my new therapist until April 26th. I did call my old one last night---but he didn't call back. Well, I can't blame him---I told him I was quitting and then the first time something goes wrong, I call. I tried to call my doctor today---but I got the voice mail and didn't bother to leave a message. I realized he would just tell me to go to the hospital. Why bother?
I am off to bed now. Maybe a good night's sleep will knock some sense in me!
Debbie

((((((((((((((((((Debbie, )))))))))))))))))))))))))
I know how awful it can be when you think that you might have a job and then bam, someone else is hired.
It sounds like you are in a major crisis right now. Please call the Suicide Hotline if you are still feeling a sense of hopelessness that borders on ending your life. I don't know if that's what you are getting at, but you sound slike you are at a major low and feeling quite badly about yourself right now.
I'm sorry that your therapist didn't call you about back. That's a bad thing for a therapist to not do. It is not your fault. I know you feel like things are your fault right now. However, therapists have certain responsibilities to their clients, even their former clients. You therapist may be out of town or going through something himself, but he should have someone to cover his calls.
It sounds like you definitely need to see your therapist. Disappointment is very hard. If you want to be in a band that badly, you can check out other bands. There are many bands around.
Take good care of yourself while you are going through this. There are certain things you can do to help your mood. Eating chocolate helps a lot. Doing aerobic exercise, like running, biking, or swimming will elevate your endorphin levels. Eat whole wheat breads, bananas, and turkey. They all help increase your endorphins. Take a hot bath. Basically, do the things that make you feel better. Right now your need all the tender loving care you can give yourself.
Don't worry about "taking." When you are in crisis, you need all the support you can get. And it's very hard to give when you are down. I rarely respond to other's posts when I am going through a down time.
So take good care of yourself. And don't put yourself down. You need your own TLC right now more than you need anything.
All My Best,
MariaC
Thanks for all the good advice. I don't want to be in a band. I am a music teacher in a school and had applied for a new position in a school closer---MUCH CLOSER---to my home. Unfortunately the position was for vocal and band combined and they hired someone who had experience with band instruments. I play the flute and teach it privately also---but I have very little experience with all the other instruments. In college, as a music major, you have to learn other instruments---but that was many, many years ago and I don't remember much. Now that I've had a few days to calm down, I realize I was not all that thrilled about working with beginning band students. I mostly wanted the job because it was so much closer to home. Oh well........
((((((Debbie)))))), I hope you will try again today to reach your former therapist.
I'm going to 11 mass, so I haven't even left the house yet. I'm having trouble getting started. Plus--I got my hair cut yesterday and I'm not sure if I'm going to like it. It's shoulder length now and seems very short.Oh well.
I'm very disappointed that my therapist (bruce) didn't call me back. When I left his office the last time, he was still just saying I should take a break from coming and then call him when school was out. I kept trying to tell him I was leaving for good, but I didn't want to come right out and say so. Doesn't make much sense does it? Anyway---I thought he would call me back. He always returns calls in a very short time. However---I guess he did understand after all that I wasn't coming back and probably figured he didn't need to waste his time with me.
I called my doctor Friday, but got his secretary's voice mail and decided not to leave a message. I need to just get over it, it's just a job.
OK---now it's almost 10 and I'd better get my hair dried and see what I can do with this new shorter length! Have a great day Barb!
Debbie