Keep on Truckin'........
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| Sun, 04-18-2004 - 3:39pm |
I feel like everything is such a big deal, and I can't hardly stand to be in my home right now. I am angry at everything. The world for making it so difficult for my family to make it financially, my hubby for not understanding me instinctively, my dr for putting me on meds that upset my tummy and aggrivate my depression, the weather for being too windy to enjoy foing outside, the house for being messy, me for not having more motivation to fix it, the TV stations for not having anything I want to watch on, my boss for being selfish, my coworkers for not being perfect, my kids for not leaving me alone, myself for being overweight, EVERYTHING!!!!!!! Just the fact that I am breathing right now is making me angry. I just want to scream. It feels so out of control. I want to isolate, but I can't even stand my own company. I feel like I am going to explode with all this frustration and anger. I want to throw an old fashioned temper tantrum. The kind where you throw things and break them, scream and cry and kick and punch and really let out all of your feelings in the most violent way possible. I feel like being civilized is like the biggest burden in the world, and I am angry that it is expected of me. Everything feels like it is not fair. Maybe I should be glad I feel so angry, because I usually feel I do not have the right to get angry, but this is no fun either. I have all this junk inside me and it has no outlet. I just want to freak out all over everything. I just feel like I am going to explode. It seems like everyone is against me. I know this is paranoid, but I can't stop the feeling. I have tried everything I can think of to calm down, and nothing seems to work. What do I do to release this tension? I really can't keep feeling this way, or I am afraid something will happen. It feels like this intense anger at everything could physically hurt me if I don't find some way to get rid of it......

(((((((((((((((((((((((((sara)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
While throwing a good old fashioned temper tantrum may not be the politically correct thing to do, I have in acatuallity, beat the living daylights out of pillows, pounded my fists on the bed till they hurt.
Oh, ((((((((Sara))))))))), I just hate those times when it seems as though nothing is right and everything goes the wrong.