trigger for depression-new marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
trigger for depression-new marriage
1
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 5:32pm
Hello everyone-although you would never know it, up until Sept 03 - 7mths ago I had a great job, loved to dress up and go salsa dancing, lots of interests and hope for the future. I looked forward to things - a trip, a promotion, a great band appearing - etc - I even enjoyed my own quiet company.

In Sept I left my boyfriend (I was upset that he drank too much when we went out and was verbally abusive) and married a person I had known for est 3-4 yrs - but NEVER thought I would be with permanently - - I have been very stable all of my life and have always owned my own home and was a great, consistent employee. This depression business is new to me - or maybe I was always distracted and could cover it up.

I view my situation now as devine punishment because, yes -- I two timed him then moved away. I thought I had moved on with my life but he called me and STUPID me - I moved back and married him. I thought that passion and love were vague, ephemeral notions that didn't matter. He is financially secure, whereas my boyfriend is a blue collar worker. I thought I would "learn" to love him despite the fact that I basically have nothing in common with him and don't even admire his world view or politics. He makes snide comments about fat people whenever we are out despite my telling him that he is offending me and showing me what a callous jerk he is.

For the first few months I just never left the house. I was so ANGRY with myself. Depression is anger turned inwards they say. He wasn't worth dressing for. Why do my hair - I'm not ever going out dancing again. Life is over - I'm stuck.

Well, after months (and thousands of $ of therapy) of this, I realize that my own idiocy led me to betray myself by marrying someone I don't love. I don't hate myself as much anymore. Life is too short to be unhappy. I was angry with the world, with God, with fate! But then I stopped to reconsider things: I have my health. I can still work. I'm alive. We are all precious to God - each and every one of us. I'm going back to my boyfriend who I still love. He is in counseling now and has not had a drink since I left. He says he wants nothing to come between us and alcohol is not more important than I am. I don't have to define myself through the man I marry. This isn't the 19th century. And by the end of the month I will be somewhere dancing my feet off! So there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 6:14pm

I am glad you have found what works for you and you felt like sharing your thoughts with us.