Newbie (trigger)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Newbie (trigger)
3
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 11:11am
I am very very low today, and so tired! my GP has referred me to a sleep clinic to see if i have sleep apnia, a possible cause for the intense tiredness i experience all the time. i have lived with depression all my adult life. i have worked extremely hard to understand it, and learn how to deal with it. i had to give up work and find a slower pace of life that the depression was livable with. it is 14 years since i was last hospitalised with it, and i consider that a major achievement. at first my GP was putting down the extra tiredness to the depression, the arthritis, the allergies, but i knew instinctively that it was more than that, having lived with all those for so long. i feel that the worsening depression i am experiencing at the moment, is a result of the tiredness, and i keep telling myself that if a solution is found and treated, the depression will ease up. however, it is easy to say that but hard to live it. more and more my thoughts are about giving up. I know there will be another problem down the road that will knock me back again, and i think there are a finite number of times i can pick myself up. to try to discourage suicide thoughts, i have imagined how it would affect the person i love most in the world, my 12 yr old niece Rebecca. I know it would devastate her and likely affect her for many years, so i used that as a 'stick' to knock the thoughts away. Now though, I realise my sister would not tell Rebecca that it was suicide, they know i have physical illnesses, so she would tell her that was how i died, still devasting i know, but the grief would ease in time. Then i thought about how i would miss her, but, i believe there is an afterlife, i know there are people watching over me, my Grandad for example, so i would be able to watch over Rebecca from the other side. As you can see, i am able to shoot down my 'deterrants'.

Today, I am so very low, i have spent a lot of it in bed, i needed a shower, but didn't have the energy so have just thrown yesterday's clothes on. I know very well that having a shower and putting clean clothes on would have helped, but i just couldn't manage.

i am a bit shaky at the moment, i probably need something to eat, but i haven't the energy or the appetite to find something nutritious, i shall probably end up with a cup of tea, a packet of crisps, and a choc. biscuit. All the years of learning, understanding, studying and dealing with the depression just seem a total waste of time on days like today. what's the good of knowing what will help when i haven't the energy or will to do them?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 4:42pm

Hello, ((((((Lady_Jasper))))))!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 2:11am

BUMP






Blessings,






co-CL of Depression Support

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 6:53am
Welcome Lady Jasper! I'm very new to this place and I must say the women here are wonderful, very supportive and understanding.

My advise to you is to ask your GP to give you a total work-up physically including testing for FM (which I have)and CFS. Fatigue can be the underlying cause of many (potentialy) serious conditions. If you were to find a search engine and search "fatigue and conditions" you would be amazed how many condtions rate fatigue as the number one symptom.

You described me to a tee about 10 years ago. I was so tired all the time, shaky and went days without the strength to shower or even get dressed. I kept at my GP and he kept telling me it's stress. I finally switched doc's and found out within 3 days that I was severely hypoglycemic. I think it's important to recognize your depression and have your GP rule out other possibilites as well.

I would like to also say that it is very wise that you have educated yourself about depression. I'm realitively new to the condition and I'm slowly learning just how debilitating it can be. I had no idea how it effects me not just mentally but physically as well. My hats off to you for taking the time to understand and recognize the triggers and symptoms.

I hope you are feeling better soon!

Hugs,

Tam