so fed up with life...
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so fed up with life...
| Wed, 04-21-2004 - 3:20pm |
I am sitting on the edge. I could very easily fall the wrong way. I'm fighting to stay on the right side, but maybe it would just be easier to give up, and fall. I search so hard to see the light and the fun and goodness. But all this negative crap just keeps enveloping me. I don't have much strength left. I so want to let go, not fight any more.
Sick parents, sick grandmother, lost my job, got my job back--but only until Aug=budget cut after 15 years, now loosing my office to a higher up, have to move to a dark closet type space,no window. My car sucks, haven't been on a vacation in 6 years, every single flippin day its something new, something rotton. How can i get my strength back? where does it come from? I've asked God, just seems like the more I talk to him the worse it gets. A church friend once told me, "be careful what you ask for." so now i even screw that up.
I have no friends, too busy taking care of every one. Please give me a reason to hang on to the edge.

My reason for you to hang on..because you are not alone, because you gave hope to me today in this message because you said how I feel, because ppl need you, and because you have friends here who care about you.
Take one day at a time, set one small goal at a time and when you achieve that you will be so proud. All the best and take care HUGS
Welcome to our (((((((((((((((((((((board chipper92)))))))))))))))))))))
I so know what it like to feel like if it weren't for bad luck you wouldn't have any luck at all.
First off you are not alone!! I think everyone on this board understands and can empathize with your feelings..I know I sure can!
I understand completely about being hard to see the "light and the fun and goodness" I feel that way at least once everyday..but then I stop and I try and think of 1 think..just one thing that I am grateful for or happy about..and yes sometimes it's very hard to do..and I actually have to sit and think..but there is always something you can find..the weather..your children..whatever.and focus on that one thing.
There are days I have felt like giving up and just let whatever happen..there are days when I just want to walk out of this house and never return and never contact anyone..just leave..vanish..BUT..I don't..I focus on my children and how they would feel..and then the other aspect is I will not give up ( I consider that both a gift and a flaw!) I struggle and fight to make it threw each and every day..and every day that I have made it through I see as a victory.
I also don't really have any friends. I live in a state where I have no family and due to no vehicle and as busy as I am with the 3 kids and dealing with their problems..I really haven't had the chance to make any. I have 2 one I just met and the other is actually a CL for soup. So I understand the loneliness and the feeling of taking care of everyone else.
You need to take a moment and take care of yourself. Hang onto the edge and just reach up and grab the hands of the ladies here cause they and I really do care!
((((((((hugs)))))))~~Liv
One thing at a time. Hard to do when you live under a black cloud that dumps buckets of junk on your head every week. But, that is what I am going to do. Yesterday, when I got home from work, there were numerous messages on my machine saying that my grandmother was taken to the hospital. She feel on monday, I spent mon. evening with her and she kept telling me she was fine, just a rug burn on her forearm. Then yesterday she used life line to go to the hospital. She has a sprained neck. Another message was from her neighbor saying she was picking her up from the hospital, they were sending her home. by the time i got home her neighbor had her settled in, bought tylenol for the pain, iced her and even made her dinner so I didn't have to drive there last night. After my day with DD we'll go see her and make her a nice meal. On the phone she said she was fine.
I'm proud of myself, i didn't run up there again last night, i had such an awful day at work, sick to my stomach, i was nice to just stay home.
thank you again.
Hi CHipper nice to meet you!!
Give yourself an extra big hug for your last line of your post
"I'm proud of myself, i didn't run up there again last night, i had such an awful day at work, sick to my stomach, i was nice to just stay home. "
Taking Care of you is the most important thing!! When you take time for you then you have so much more to give to others ...Keep taking things one step at a time hun,,, its the best thing to do....
*hugs
*hugs