On the Verge of Tears

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
On the Verge of Tears
8
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 12:38pm
I am really upset today. I saw my ex-boyfriends mom last night. I consider her my "chosen mom" we are VERY close, and I am close with my ex's brother, uncles, aunts, cousins etc. So it was extremely hard to see them all, I miss them all so much. I fit in with that family better than my own.

At one point she mentioned Jodi (my ex) and he said something about this one girl he dated when he was living somewhere else. This was before we got back together before our last break up, does that make sense??? Anyway, the fact that Angie (my choice mom) remembered this girl's name and that Jodi made a reference to her really hurts. I know this is so little, and I need to GET OVER THIS. Can anyone help me to do that? I am so upset, and I am just tired of it. I want to move on.

I had been doing pretty good until I saw her last night. But I am also going off Paxil (which is hell on emotions) and going on to Wellbutrin (which hasn't really kicked in yet) so that is not helping.

I just keep picturing this girl and all I can see is some beautiful blonde girl (no offence, I have just always been really self conscious of my brown hair and always felt inferior), thin, who all the guys drool over. And I know that I will never be someone that guys will drool over, and I want to be.

I want to be loved so badly.

Sorry, I have to run. I have to go hide my tears.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 12:57pm
Pamela,

I think this week is the I need love week, it seems to be a common thread for all of us...

Honey try to not be upset because your "choice mom" remembered this chicks name, I can name every guy I dated by first and last name sometimes names just stick in our head and maybe that is what happened with your Choice mom maybe she remembered it because Jodi had said something about her...

I know how hard it is to get over an ex I am still in some ways not over my sons father there are times I wish he would get divorsed so I can have another chance with him how bad is that considering I am good friends with his wife, the thing is try to remember why the two of you broke up there has to be a reason why things ended? keep that in your head that way next time you get upset over him you can see why you shouldnt be upset..

By the way the thin thing just because a girl is thin doesnt mean that guys are falling all over them people say I am very thin and I am alone there is no one falling on me it isnt your size that makes you appealing it is the person with in that people are attracted to, you can have a greazt body beautiful face but have the worst personality and to tell you the truth I know guys who have dated beautiful women and said they were not so great once they opened their mouth...

Do not be so hard on yourself hun you are beautiful and there is someone out there who will see that

Erin

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 12:57pm
Hi Pamela. if you treat yourself to a nice day at the spa, get a new haircut or just make a change in your life you might start to be able to move on. I know its hard. I hope you can get over this. Take care and I hope you can feel better about yourself. i had a b/f who was in love with another girl when I was with him. I always felt inferior. i know what you mean about thinking you will never be one of those girls that guys will drool over. Im sure you are so beautiful and you just dont know it. All the best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 1:39pm

Sweetie I wish I knew the words to help take the pain away... I know exactly what you are going thru.. Sometimes something so insignificant can eat at us to a point where we cant see any thing else when in fact there was nothing there to be upset about in the first place..

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 1:51pm
Pamela,

I don't know if I can help you because I am still not over the rejection of my ex-boyfriend. Everytime I see a baby I get triggered because he and his new wife just had a baby. So I am no help on that front! I was very close to this guy's mom, but I had to sever my relationship with her because just talking to her tortured me, let alone hearing her say things about him. The last time I spoke to her, I was a big wreck for two months. That was the past two months! I'm finally doing better this past week.

I think that having men drool over you is highly overrated. They only want to use those girls for sex. That is not a compliment. Frankly, to me it's an insult. But it sounds like you are saying to you mean that you want to feel attractive and lovable.

After my ex got married, I went out and got a makeover. I wanted to feel beautiful and DIFFERENT. I didn't do anything too drastic, but it definitely lifted my spirits.

If you don't like your hair color, have you considered changing it? Less than 10% of blond women are real blonds. Most women color their hair. It's very normal. If your hair gets you down so much, you should change it! It's not a very big deal to do at all.

Personally, I enjoy looking nice. I do it for myself. I think it's fun. I also really love to give people makeovers. Most people have the potential to look pretty good. If you want to look better, you can.

I think you should lighten your hair. It sounds like something that really bothers you. I always hated my teeth. They really bugged me. I finally go them fixed about 3 years ago. It is wonderful to finally like my smile! I smile so much more now. I no longer have this issue that has bugged me since I was 10 years old. It was so worth it! Getting your hair lightened is a much easier and cheaper thing than getting your teeth fixed. But if you feel self-conscious about it, you cacn fix that so easily. All of my girlfriends color their hair, putting in blond highlights, going completely blond, etc. Several of them would be completely gray if they didn't. When I start to go gray, I will definitely lighten my hair.

If you ex had wanted to be with that girl, he wouldn't have broken up with her so fast. Maybe you can ask his mom not to talk about him to you for awhile because you are still hurting. I'm sure she'd understand that. I can't even talk to my ex's mom, so you are doing better than I am!

Take Care,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 2:14pm
Erin,

Thank you so much for your beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes. You are such a warm and caring person.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 2:18pm
Thanks!

I have started to move on, but after seeing his mom last night and making my med changes, I think it just wasn't the best time!

Thanks for much for your response.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 2:26pm
Thanks Caly

I have just always thought of myself as being "dirty". I don't konw why. Not dirty like perverse dirty, but like I have a film over my skin. I can't even put it into words really.

Thanks for the butterfly kisses Caly, I really appreciate it.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 2:35pm
Maria

Thanks sweetie.

I guess it's not really the color of my hair. I just don't have a very good opinion of myself. I have lost 20 pounds, so I am feeling a little better. Although this week, I have most likely gained a little weight from emotional eating. I am switching anti-depressants too, so that doesn't help.

Angie tries not to talk about him alot, she is just an awesome woman.

Thanks for the reply. It means alot.

Pamela

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