Thanks and replies (emotional readiness)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thanks and replies (emotional readiness)
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 10:55pm
Hi, I wanted to reply to everyone who wrote to me about my thoughts on "emotional readiness" for med school. Thanks so much for posting to me...all of you made me think and gave me some good advice. I'll write some more individual responses...

Samantha, thanks for posting to me...it's nice to "meet" you, and you gave some great advice. I'm planning on making a "nest" for myself like you say by moving up to the new city in a month or so (med school doesn't start until August) and working as a research assistant there over the summer. I hadn't really planned on doing this until recently, though, so I've got a lot to get done, and I feel pretty scared, like I'm being uprooted from the only real home I've known. But I don't want to stay stuck here, either.

I wish I knew what my heart was saying...honestly, although I haven't had much experience in the field of medicine, I don't think I love it...it does fit my interests well, though, probably the best of any field I've found so far, and there's a lot in it I find really interesting. I think the depression may play a role here, too, since I don't get much enjoyment out of anything and haven't for a long time.

But I worry that I will pay a big price for making this decision with my head instead of my heart...a few sleepless nights and long lectures may be all it takes to have me saying "I want to go home!". But I made it through college...I hope I will do the same here...at least I've been able to use academics as a distraction from my depression.

Unfortunately there's no option of doing med school part time...at least the first year is graded pass/fail where I'm going, though. My current therapist wants to get me set up with a therapist down there, too...I'm hesitant, but I'll most likely do it, if only as a backup measure (I feel like I've been in therapy so long I haven't learned how to function without it! so I'd like to stop, but I know I would be lost without it).

Liv, nice to meet you too! I've thought about going into medicine for a while, but it has never really been a huge dream of mine, I don't think. But the classes I most enjoyed in college were the ones most relevant to clinical medicine...and I do want to help people directly in some way...so this seems to be a good choice...but as I wrote to Samantha, I'm not at all sure that it is my heart's desire.

I think my gut instinct is telling me to crawl under the covers and never come out! :) No, well, I guess that idea is pretty strong, but I do also have twinges of curiosity and maybe even excitement about med school...I do miss so many aspects of college, the classes and having people my age to talk to, and I want to learn about the body and diseases and how to treat them.

But a huge part of me is very scared and overwhelmed. Tomorrow will be my last day working full-time at my job (I'll probably work half-days after that), mainly so I can get ready to move. And already my body seems to realize how afraid I am...my stomach is acting up again, and it makes me worry that I will hardly be able to eat under the much more intense stress of med school. There are just so many things about med school and medicine that scare me...but I guess I will either get over them or die trying! (OK, bad phrase, sorry!).

I also tend to get into things before I'm really ready...to give one reason why this move worries me, when I started college I became suicidal and was forced to go to the hospital and leave school after only a month...I hope the start of med school isn't deja vu for me! Thank you for your advice...and I hope I will see the rewards you mention.

Caly, thank you for writing to me, too...I think I agree with you that I should just try it and do my best. I guess I am just worried that I'm foolish for even thinking that this is a reasonable plan, given how I've been feeling lately. I'll try to avoid focusing on the idea that I might be setting myself up for failure...I think you're right that our imagined outcomes can become reality.

Again, thanks to everyone who posted...you all really helped...sorry if this isn't my last post about this issue, though! I guess I will just take things one step at a time for now.

Hope you all are doing well,

Rose