Had It!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Had It!
5
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 12:03am
I made it thru this week because I had so many obligations---and I still have an obligation on Saturday. But I am crashing big time and I'm really having a hard time. I need to talk to someone NOW!! So who can I call at 11PM? No one, that's who. I wouldn't even do this to my best friend---for one thing she goes to bed early. I've been at card club with 4 friends all evening. I had a good time, but my concentration was terrible and I could feel this cloud getting closer and closer. These are old and good friends and if I had a terrible physical illness, they would be there for me, I know that. However, I learned long ago that they don't want to know about my depression. I accept it. They are still my friends. One friend that I could call this late is in Florida on vacation. I think I am just going to be totally swallowed up by this darkness and this time I won't be able to get back out. Well, why not. What does it matter. You know what, there are two other flute players in the orchestra and I'm sure one of them could cover my piccolo solo on their flutes. It wouldn't matter that much. Besides why should I care. Don't even bother to ask why I don't talk to my husband. He is asleep and he would just roll his eyes and act disgusted anyway. Jerk. I have to go. Thius post is just getting too stupid even for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: flute54
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 2:54am
Flutey, that's rotten! I'm sorry that you are feeling so down. Were you thinking about something in particular when you started to feel badly? What's the deal with your husband not listening when you are down? Has he always been like that? Have you gone to couple's counseling? It's very hard to be in a marriage with someone you feel isn't empathetic towards you or towards your down times.

I hope you were able to sleep tonight. Please take good care of yourself. Eat some foods that help with depression, such as chocolate, bread, bananas, and turkey. Those all help greatly with depression. I find that going to Ross and buying some pretty earrings always helps me feel better. Also, noticing what negative thoughts I'm having and stopping them. It sometimes takes me days of being depressed to even realize that I'm having negative thoughts. Then the trick is making myself realize that I can stop them. To do it, when I notice the thought, I force myself to think about something else.

Lots of people who've never been depressed, don't know how to deal with someone who is depressed. I've lost friends over that issue. Most of us on this board have. We talked about it before. That's one of the wonderful things about having a board like this.

When I'm down and I talk about it to my friends, I usually just succeed in making them feel badly, but not making myself feel any better. It usually takes some realization in myself, often triggered by someone on this board, to make me feel better.

That's my best feedback on when we start to spiral down.

Take good care of yourself and go get some M&Ms!!!!

Take Care,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: flute54
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 8:43am
BIG (((HUGE))) Hugs to you. I am sorry about your bad week. Since today is friday I am hoping that you find some brightness in your weekend. I'm also sorry about your friends not wanting to hear anything about your depression. Some people are just uncomfortable with it and it doesn't mean they're bad people, just human. Some people just get scared and think "Wow, It happened to her. Could it happen to me?" So they prefer not to hear anything about it all together. I sort of feel that if you haven't been through a depression you really don't understand it anyway. That's why I love this board. I am posting to people who truly understand where I am coming from. Be sure to take time for yourself this weekend and do something you really enjoy to try to lift your spirits. Hopefully you'll have nice weather where you live with LOTS of sunshine. Keep posting so we know that you are OK. Take care~ Jenn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: flute54
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 12:38pm

Hi Deb


I hope when you read this that you made it thru the night and that you are feeling a bit better... I know how you feel though, when I was at my darkest point I would wake up at 3 am and start crying and not know what to do..and yes my dh was sleeping next to me too and of no help at all...

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: flute54
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 8:05pm
I plan to fulfill my obligation to the orchestra tomorrow. After that I am really tired of caring and trying. It just is not worth it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: flute54
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 8:32pm

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Debbie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I am sending that guardian angel back to take care of you some more.