Had It!
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Had It!
| Fri, 04-23-2004 - 12:03am |
I made it thru this week because I had so many obligations---and I still have an obligation on Saturday. But I am crashing big time and I'm really having a hard time. I need to talk to someone NOW!! So who can I call at 11PM? No one, that's who. I wouldn't even do this to my best friend---for one thing she goes to bed early. I've been at card club with 4 friends all evening. I had a good time, but my concentration was terrible and I could feel this cloud getting closer and closer. These are old and good friends and if I had a terrible physical illness, they would be there for me, I know that. However, I learned long ago that they don't want to know about my depression. I accept it. They are still my friends. One friend that I could call this late is in Florida on vacation. I think I am just going to be totally swallowed up by this darkness and this time I won't be able to get back out. Well, why not. What does it matter. You know what, there are two other flute players in the orchestra and I'm sure one of them could cover my piccolo solo on their flutes. It wouldn't matter that much. Besides why should I care. Don't even bother to ask why I don't talk to my husband. He is asleep and he would just roll his eyes and act disgusted anyway. Jerk. I have to go. Thius post is just getting too stupid even for me.

I hope you were able to sleep tonight. Please take good care of yourself. Eat some foods that help with depression, such as chocolate, bread, bananas, and turkey. Those all help greatly with depression. I find that going to Ross and buying some pretty earrings always helps me feel better. Also, noticing what negative thoughts I'm having and stopping them. It sometimes takes me days of being depressed to even realize that I'm having negative thoughts. Then the trick is making myself realize that I can stop them. To do it, when I notice the thought, I force myself to think about something else.
Lots of people who've never been depressed, don't know how to deal with someone who is depressed. I've lost friends over that issue. Most of us on this board have. We talked about it before. That's one of the wonderful things about having a board like this.
When I'm down and I talk about it to my friends, I usually just succeed in making them feel badly, but not making myself feel any better. It usually takes some realization in myself, often triggered by someone on this board, to make me feel better.
That's my best feedback on when we start to spiral down.
Take good care of yourself and go get some M&Ms!!!!
Take Care,
MariaC
Hi Deb
I hope when you read this that you made it thru the night and that you are feeling a bit better... I know how you feel though, when I was at my darkest point I would wake up at 3 am and start crying and not know what to do..and yes my dh was sleeping next to me too and of no help at all...
*hugs
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Debbie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am sending that guardian angel back to take care of you some more.