Hi. I haven't been on this board for a while. I went off my antidepressants two years ago and have been doing fairly well, until recently. I think most of my depression lately is triggered by my situation and not by a chemical imbalance, which I guess is good. I just need a shoulder right now. I knew something would soon happen b/c it was all going too well - life that is. I had a good b/f, decent roommate and a job I liked. I still have the job (knock on wood). But my b/f is being relocated with his job. We already have a long distance relationship which is stressful. We are 150 miles (3 hours) apart. Now we will be 300 miles/6 hours apart. That is not even the worse thing about the relationship. It is slipping. He was very attentive, etc. in the beginning. Now I barely get to talk to him. His job has gotten very busy and stressful, but I don't feel I should be put second place. I feel if he really wanted to, he would make time to have at least one good, long conversation with me each week, just one. This is not too much to ask. We have talked about it but nothing has changed. I really could have used him this week, but he was on the road with co-workers and, well I haven't spoken with him since Tuesday and then he couldn't talk. He hasn't even discussed his move with me. You would think, since he tells me I am the most important thing in his life, he would discuss this with me and where it leaves our relationship. I feel my best choice is to break off the whole thing.
Second, amongst my crying everyday about the b/f, my roommate told me today she is moving out of the area. It took me two months to find her and I got lucky. She never cleans, but other than that she is a really good roommate. I know I am REALLY stressing about this when I don't really know the outcome, but I can't stop from stressing and crying and not sleeping. I cannot afford the rent by myself and what if I get a totally horrible person who is mean to my dog and doesn't pay the rent.
I know that most of it is just a combination of feeling like everything is going wrong. My health is also on the down swing and I have several tests I am going through next week. I just feel lonely, scared, depressed. The friends I have spoken with have no answers and act as though they don't want to be bothered with my problems. Why is it that I am always there for them, but when I have a problem I am on my own. I seem to always be on my own no matter how hard I try. All I want in life is to be somewhat emotionally and financial secure. Right now I have neither. I know life has ups and downs, but why am I having such a difficult time dealing with this. Things could be so much worse, yet telling myself that is not helping. Sorry to go on. I just need some opinions and support. Thanks.
You also mentioned that you feel friends seem to not care about your situation. Boy can I relate! I've had so many friends turn their back on me over the past few years and here's what I've learned. If they aren't there for you during the good and bad they weren't such great friends to begin with. I've also learned that if you aren't getting the support you are seeking from your friends, that in some way they become toxic to your well being.
As for you room-mate possibly moving out on you and you having the stress of finding another room mate...I think that is the easy part. You managed to find this room-mate and it worked out well. You have the power to decide who you want as a room-mate, you are the one who can demand references and follow up on them. You can set the rules etc....you hold the power in this situation. Try not to forsee bad things and project bad outcomes. Think possitive about this particular situation.
I hope things get better for you soon :)
ABOUT YOUR BF, I THINK YOU REALLY NEED TO TAKE SOME QUITE TIME AND EVALUATE THIS CLOSELY. OF COURSE I DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE SITUATION BUT IT REALLY SEEMS AS IF WHAT HE'S TELLING YOU ABOUT HOW YOUR THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF HIS LIFE AND HIS ACTIONS DO NOT MATCH. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE PREVIOUS RESPONSE ABOUT TELLING HIM EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS. MAYBE HE IS JUST SO WRAPPED UP IN HIS JOB THAT HE HONESTLY CAN'T SEE HOW MUCH YOU NEED HIM RIGHT NOW. TRY BEING HONEST WITH HIM AND PUT THE BALL IN HIS COURT.
AND REMEMBER THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS THAT YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT. THINGS WORK OUT AND DON'T WORK OUT FOR REASONS. I TEND TO GET SO INVOLVED IN MY RELATIONSHIPS THAT IT JUST CONSUMES ME AND IT'S HARD TO SEE THE BIG PICTURE. LISTEN CLOSELY TO YOUR HEART ON THIS.
AS FOR YOUR ROOMATE, YOU ARE IN CONTROL HERE. KEEP POSITIVE. TRY TO ENVISION GETTING A REALLY REALLY GOOD ONE. WHO KNOWS, MAYBE YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL EVEN HELP YOU WITH THE CLEANING TOO. SOMETIMES IT SEEMS THAT WHEN YOU REALLY CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT THINGSARE GOING TO WORK OUT GOOD, THEY ACTUALLY SURPRISE YOU AND DO WORK OUT FAR BEYOND YOUR EXPECTATIONS. LIFE IS FUNNY LIKE THAT. SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LET GO OF ANY EXPECTATIONS ALTOGETHER AND JUST SAY HEY, THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN THE WAY THEY ARE AND I'M JUST GOING TO TRY AND RELAX AND ENJOY THE RIDE. IF YOU DO HAPPEN TO GET A BAD APPLE THEN REMEBER YOU ARE STILL IN CONTROL AND KICK THEIR BUTT OUT!!!! THEN TRY AGAIN.
I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK!!!!
WITH MUCH LOVE,
TRINA
Friends seem to come and go in lives like ours, huh? I have one real good girlfriend, and she's where my ex is, back home. We talk whenever we can, but it's never enough. Family is around me, but friends are irreplacible. I'm always here for support. HUGS
Hi, Trinasoo!
I sent you an e-mail through your profile the other day, but I don't believe you received it.
Hi Goodjwitch and welcome back to the board!
You are going thru soo many big changes right now of course you will under stress and it could very well retrigger your depression..
*hugs