New to Board - Poss. Triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
New to Board - Poss. Triggers
6
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 3:55pm
Hi everyone,

I have been lurking on this board for some time. I think there are some wonderful people posting, so I wanted to join.

My story (long story short!) is basically that I've been depressed my entire life; some periods are better than others, but the depression is always there. I have been treated with pretty much all the drugs around; I believe the only type that was not tried was MAO-inhibitor (I even tried lithium 11 years ago). I've never responded to any of them. I did also undergo ECT some years ago but only did 3 of the recommended 9-12 treatments as I became too frightened (it IS frightening).

Lately, I have been feeling suicidal. Sorry, I realize this is a lot to post to virtual strangers, but I guess this board is for depressed people so this would be the place...

I am on weekly talk therapy. Does anyone else feel their therapist is really more a paid friend? I really like my therapist, but I don't truly see the science in therapy, just conversation.

I cannot really try any new medications right now (and believe me, if something new and promising were on the horizon, I would like to) because I am also trying to conceive a child (in my 40s - and the extremely taxing fertility therapy I am under is probably a reason in itself to get depressed if I were not depressed already). Since I have not responded to any medication in the past, I don't feel there is a compelling argument to proceed with another trial at this time.

I hope I did not scare anyone off with this message!

I am in a difficult period at the moment and was wondering if anyone has tried, for example, cognitive therapy? I tried it and could not keep up; I found it very strenuous to force myself to think positive thoughts that I really, myself, didn't believe.

Thanks for listening and thanks for any responses. All the best to everyone,

TC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 4:34pm
Hello TC, You are welcome around here anytime. I talk to a therapist regularly. I find just talking helps me. She helps me put things in perspective. I remember the bad thoughts, but they aren't occuring right now. Yeah! Before they stopped I would have to find something to help distract me. Phone a friend, listen to music, watch a TVprogram anything. Also you can always type your feelings to us. It helps to get rid of them. Don't be afraid of scareing us off, most of us have been where you are. Take Care of yourself! Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 5:33pm
Hi (((TC))),

You are definitely among friends here. I can relate to much of what you're going through.

With the cognitive therapy, I had a difficult time too. But I tried simplifying it, no large thoughts about how wonderful I am and all that stuff. I just tell myself "I love you", even if I don't feel it, or believe it right then. That brought me a long way.

Are you on any medications right now? If not, there are natural supplements that might help, and have no side effects to deal with. I've found Omega 3 fatty acids to be very helpful with my mood. These are found in fish (salmon is high in fatty acids) & also some seeds (flax seeds). I'm a vegetarian, so I go with a veggie supplement and eat a lot of flax seeds. Also a B complex helps with energy. I eat a very high protein diet, too. Proteins have all the amino acids in them, that affect how your brain functions.

There is another post in the General Discussions about 5-HTP, which I'm taking as well. There are links to articles about it, in the other discussion. There have been some findings that indicate it is helpful for people who aren't getting help on antidepressants, you should read the articles.

I feel exactly like you with my psychiatrist. Like I'm just paying someone to yak with me. I think I may try looking for a different therapist although I'm not sure that's the answer.

You sure don't have to worry about scaring me off. I'm usually a lurker, too, and I just started posting here. If you want to email me, you can any time.

peace, love & hugs

damarisanne

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 7:03pm
I think a lot of us lurk at first; we need to know who we are going to unleash to. Aren't we a bunch of great depressed people?!! Who knew that depressed people could be so supportive of each other? LOL About the paid friend, that's kinda how I'd think of it too, if I did do therapy. They are supposed to talk you through things, and if you have a caring support system that you don't have to pay for, so much the better!! But I guess some other people would say that there are other things that therapists are trained to do that perhaps a family member or friend can't fix or walk you through. Now you know you can come here anytime, and someone will talk with you, or you can email us. There's also the suicide thoughts and feelings board, which I also chat on.

Anyway, WELCOME TO THE CLUB! YOU CAN TELL US ANYTHING!!!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 7:25pm

Welcome to our board, TC!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 6:30am

Hi TC!


Welcome to the board!


First off congratulations on trying to concieve that is awesome and I will send lots of positive vibes!


Now as far as your Therapist goes, its wonderful that you are seeing someone and certainly continue, but remember that therapy goes both ways and if you dont feel that you are getting anywhere then say something to him.. Doctors are not mind readers and will respond to what you tell them,, it may just be he doesnt realize you want more then just talk... Barb mentioned some great CBT books and you can ask your T. about Cognitive Behavior Therapy or other more pro active treatment.. and dont be upset if he says that is not what he does and wants to send you to someone else... finding the RIGHT FIT in a therapist is what makes it all works!


Looking forward to getting to know you better and glad you came out of lurkdom! hehhe ((((((((((TC)))))))))

*hugs

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 9:34am
Dear Brenda, Damarisanne, Barbara, Caly and everyone,

Thanks so much for your responses. I am overwhelmed by the positive energy and support coming my way!

As for cognitive therapy, I have read Feeling Good, and to be honest found it on the one hand useful and on the other, a bit facile. In trying to follow the tenets of this book, I have to convince myself to think various positive things, and I don't sound sincere even to myself (!) I will try to find the other books mentioned in your responses and in other messages I have seen on this board.

I have had the same experience with several therapists, in regard to talk therapy. I find myself wondering, where is the training, the craft, the science? Aren't we just chatting? I left my penultimate therapist over that issue. I actually confronted her, asking what was her plan to help me or was I going to keep coming once a week just to talk for $120 a session? I then left. I like my current therapist better, but still have that nagging feeling I am paying just for someone to listen to me. Hmm, maybe that is the point and the reality of talk therapy...?

I am a little bit better today (always scary - I feel once I say it, I'll jinx it!) I attribute this to a piece of advice given to me by a very close friend, the only one I really speak with about this (besides my husband). He told me to "inflict some pain": go outside and run, until completely out of breath and aching all over. Well, that was pretty optimistic since my maximum "hard run" was not enough to make me ache except a little bit in the legs, but it did get me completely winded and definitely raised my endorphins. The challenge is, can I do it again, or did I only follow this advice when it was a "novelty"? In any case, I thought I would mention this approach in case it is helpful to anyone else.

I will definitely post again. Everyone has been incredibly sensitive and nurturing.

TC