Missing out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Missing out.
7
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 10:46pm
This may be lengthy, but I'd appreciate an ear, because I feel like I have no one left to talk to. I think most of my friends, who are in another state are sick of hearing me talk about it.

I moved to a new state with my boyfriend last year (we were together for three years in college). A few months later, one of my best friends from college (a guy) moved out here. We'd always been good friends and had an attraction to eachother. Things with my boyfriend weren't going so well - it was the first time we were living together outside of a college situation. We were dealing with rent and trying to get our careers on track. I started to have stronger feelings for my friend and we would hang out a lot. My boyfriend was gone a lot, rehearsing with his band. Finally, I told my boyfriend I had feelings for my friend and I asked my boyfriend to move out. He thought we would try to work on our relationship once he moved out, and things would be better, but I ditched him and started seeing my friend. For a good four months after he moved out, he would call me every day and threaten to kill himself, say he couldn't live without me and that he had no one out here and that my life was so good because I had college friends out here. It finally stopped and he moved on and things got really serious with my friend, who is now my serious boyfriend.

I've been with my new boyfriend for almost 7 months now. The ex has stopped all contact aside from a few emails here and there. It's been 7 months since our break-up and I thought I'd be fine by now, but I Am still miserable. I feel like the decision I made to just kick him out and persue a new relationship with my friend (who treats me way better) was a great idea. I didn't realize how big it was at the time and now I feel like I'm kicking myself every day.

I cry all the time and look at old photographs, listen to mix tapes and watch videos of when we were together. I adore my new boyfriend and he treats me like gold, but I miss my ex so much sometimes that I become paralyzed with sadness. I have horrible anxiety problems and terrible bouts of depression. I have no health insurance and that makes me more anxious because I really feel like I need to be on medication or at least talk to someone. I carry around so much guilt for what I've done to my ex and sometimes I just want to call him and go running back to him. I'll have days where I feel so happy and so in love with my new boyfriend, and other days, like today, I want nothing more than to just be with my ex and work on things. I feel so stupid and selfish for what I've done, and I'm so unhappy now because of this hasty decision I made.

I'm so sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: anamorphose
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 6:45am

Good Morning Ana!


I unfortunately am running out of time this morning so I cant be as lengthy as I would like but I wanted to welcome you to the board and I know you will find lots of help and support here.


Emotions are so powerful hun that yes sometimes they do overwhelm us.. You cant help your feelings either hun,,, they just ARE.. and remember too that a relationship goes both ways so that there must have something going on with your ex to make you begin to feel that you wanted to be around someone else.. it happens hun no matter how much we love someone.


Have you looked into social services in your area? They may be able to help you find someone to talk to even though you dont have insurance.. its worth a shot.


I have to get going but im sure many of the wonderful ladies here will have more advice and suggestions..


Just wanted you to know that I care and I understand what you are going thru.. ((((((((((Ana))))))))))

*hugs

*hugs             

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: anamorphose
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:33pm
HMM...Its hard to say what to do! It doesnt sound like you really did anything wrong. You were honest with your ex and he had a lot of trouble letting go. Maybe your sorrow is about guilt rather than love? What do you think? Think about if he let go easier, would you miss him and think about him so much? Try talking to your doctor, maybe he/she can refer you to a therapist who charges on a scale of how much money you make. keep posting here and let us know how you are doing. Take care of yourself HUGS
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2002
In reply to: anamorphose
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 4:34pm
Well, you have found a good place here. There are tons of people who will listen to you and help you get through these things. But here is one recommendation that I have. I know that you don't have health insurance...and I don't either, but if you go and see a doctor and let them know what is going on, most of the time they can start you out with samples of an anti-depressant and then there are free medication programs out there as well!!!! Here is the link: freemedicineprogram.com check it out. I get 3 different medications through this program and it is awesome..I don't have to pay a penny!!!! Praise God!!! I hope this helps ya a little bit

God Bless Ya Sister

~Jen~

Anne
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: anamorphose
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 5:03pm

Welcome, Anamorphose!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
In reply to: anamorphose
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 8:55pm
Thank you for all your help.

My situation is very complicated, but I find myself crying a lot.

Then the next day I'll feel fine, enjoying the blue sky, then by the evening I'll feel intense anger. I am all over the place. Not to mention the pain in my shoulders and neck all the time and the fatigue and feeling like I'm going no where.

I want to help myself but I'm so unmotivated.

I'm just sad every night, unless I'm out partying.

I just can't spend a minute alone or I get severely depressed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
In reply to: anamorphose
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:11pm
Hi Ana,

Everyone has given you great ideas. I would just recommend exercise as another component, especially if you are feeling a lot of tension in your shoulders and neck. I know that taking a jog or a walk is sometimes the last thing you feel like doing when you are down, but for me it really helps ease some of the intense emotions I can feel. And it helps me to clear my head and think things through.

I agree with the others that it sounds like you were following your heart and were completely honest with your ex. I think you need to stop worrying so much about him and how you hurt him and start focusing on you and what your needs are. It's a big thing I deal with- learning to focus more on myself and less on the people around me. You deserve to be treated wonderfully by your current boyfriend, you deserve to be loved, and you need to love yourself. Try to think less of your ex and more about you.

Hope you are having a happy night and hope to hear updates on how things are going.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
In reply to: anamorphose
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 11:44pm
Thanks.

I went for a walk and did some yoga.

Then after a while I Started crying again.

On top of all this guilt I have,

my grandfather is very sick and I'm far away and I Can't see him.

So I'm sad about a lot of things.

My health anxiety is acting up as well.

I'm a mess.