I just want to run away

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
I just want to run away
10
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 8:51am
Hey all

I found out two weeks ago that my ex had moved away. That was hard. Well, I found out on the weekend that he had been dating a girl, and he moved there with her. I am not sure if she was from here, or already lived where he moved to.

I feel so sick, I haven't been able to type this until now. My heart has been ripped out and shredded. It took us how long to move in together...like ten years. And I had to beg him. And he knows this girl for next to no time and moves in with her???

How can he move on so fast? Is there something wrong with me? How come I can't seem to get over this guy???? I know I am the one that ended it, but I am still so hurt. I still feel like it was because I am not the most sexual person.

Apparently this girl and him got together because they are both into drugs. My sister said that she thinks that they aren't even together anymore. I don't care, I feel like staying in bed and bawling my heads off.

I thought I was doing good, until I saw his mom the other day. Ever since Wednesday I have been feeling this way. I am also changing meds, so that doesn't help at all.

I just see myself as a failure because I couldn't make it work. I tried so hard ladies.

Most people always said I was too good for him, but I never saw it like that. I just wanted him to be the person I know he can be. I know that I am someone that most mother's want their son's to end up with. But I feel as if no guy will ever want me because I am not the funnest, going out and partying, sexual, person.

I also feel sick that he most likely introduced this girl to his mom. Whom I consider MY mom. I am jealous and scared that she might like someone more than me. I love her as my own mom, and I don't want to share her. Same thing goes for his little brother.

Also the thought that whoever he is with might get pregnant makes me sick. I always wanted to have kids with him. I know I am pathetic, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????????

I still have it in the back of my mind that we will be together once he gets his life straightened out. He once told me that if he ever settles down, I am the one who he wants to be with. My sister also said that to me last night.

Don't get me wrong, I am not going to be waiting around. You all know that I asked that guy out, and now my friend Ryan and I are doing more together. So I AM trying.

I am so messed up in my head right now.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 9:36am
(((((Pamela)))))),

Honey, I wish you weren't going through all of this. I know how hurt you must be. I am going through something very similar right now. The hurt associated with a break up is heart wrenching on its own , but when there is another party involved it is 10x's worse. I find myself thinking of these *floozies*, as I like to call them at the most unexpected times and it always brings me to tears. The hurt is no less when you are not together. I still feel betrayed and angry even though I too saw other people during our seperation.

Like you, I always had it in my head that we were meant to be together even if we needed that time apart. I don't know if I was right but we are trying to make things work for ourselves and our son. It isn't easy though. I have so much changing to do.

It's good that you are *trying*. When Neal and I were apart I had to keep myself busy with work and friends or I would have gone mad. If I wasn't busy I was thinking of what he was doing or who he was with. It was very unhealthy, especially for someone with depression. If you need to talk to someone who is going through much of what you are please feel free to email me at aintmizzbehaving@yahoo.com

In the meantime try to focus your thoughts on something other than him. I have found that my imagination seems to be worse than his reality alot of the time. Don't upset yourself with thoughts and assumptions that may not be reality.

Love and Hugs,

~Christy~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 10:04am
Hi Pamela!

I'm new to the board and just saw your message. My heart goes out to you. Although it was kind of scarey. I've been thru this too. It's been a while ago, but that was one of the most difficult times in my life. I was so in love with this guy. He was my first everything and just litterally broke my heart into a million pieces and ended up with another girl (who use to be my good friend) who doesn't care about him or his family, only his money. He was a partier too and I was more laid back and like I said, he was my first. So I wasn't that sexual either which bothered him alot. He just up and ended it out of no where. His mom and I were so close (use to shop, go out to eat, etc) and his grandparents were the best. Although, I still keep in touch with his mom. He'd die if he knew that! His grandparents recently passed away and I went to the funeral. I still visited them on a weekly basis and loved them dearly. He wasn't too pleased that I showed up, but I had to have that closure. All his family just hugged me saying they wished I was still with him, but they know I was too good for him.

It took me quite some time to get over him and when I see him I still get butterflies, but I realized he could really never be what I wanted or thought he could be. It will take you some time. Please hang in there! I'm here for you! Email me any time. I can give you my email address if you need it. I will be thinking of you!

Chris


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 10:06am
oh honey...

I dont have any words today to give to you I am sorry just know that you are loved and we are all here for you I am sending you gigantic hugs

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((PAMELA))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


Hang in there hun you are better than this girl and if he is into drugs then he is not someone who you want to be with ...

Your prince will come your way soon

Love ya,

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 10:16am
Thanks Christy

I am at work and I can't write much because I just finally stopped crying. I know I will start again if I type anything.

But thanks for your kind words. You, too can email me at ANYTIME. My email addy is in my profile.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 10:17am
Thanks Chris

Like I said to Christine, I really appreciate your reply. But I am going to break down again if I write any more.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 10:20am
Thanks Erin.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:03am

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((pamela))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I understand sweetie, I really do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:16am

(((Pam)))


There are a few words that keep ringing in my mind about your post.

    CL for The

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:57am
Thanks Trac. You made me tear up again...with saying I am one of the most special people here. You are so kind.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:59am
Thanks Deb. I know that my lack of self esteem makes me think that I am not worthy to find anyone better.

Pamela

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