new to this... just telling my story

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
new to this... just telling my story
2
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 12:16pm
i'm new to this so i guess i'll start with my story... i'm a sophomore in college, i'm in a sorority, i'm on the golf team and i hate myself more than i thought i could. i'm so miserable, but i don't know what to do. my life is in shambles now... my father is a deadbeat who never cared about me, but now he's in failing health and will probably pass away within the next 5 years the doctors say. my best friend was killed in iraq in december at the age of 19. my mother was an alcoholic who wasn't around much during my childhood. i feel like now all of this is catching up to me and i can't deal with it anymore. i don't like talking to my friends, b/c i feel like i'm a burden to them and that they hate me too. i barely go out anymore because of my fear that i'm not welcome and that everyone hates me and doesn't want me there. i've had numerous panic attacks. i rarely sleep (i.e. last week i slept about 5 hours in 4 days) i can't trust anyone, i can't believe anyone when they say they care about me. i'm afraid that in the back of their minds they're thinking about how stupid i am and how i'm such a bother and an annoyance. one of my sorority sisters wants to take me to the doctor, but i don't know if i can go. first, i can't pay for it myself and i can't tell my parents. my mom really doesn't think anything is wrong with me. i tell her i can't sleep but she just says she doesn't know what to do. second, i'm afraid to go b/c i'm scared that the doctor will just say nothing is wrong and that i'm just being stupid. i don't know what to do... well, thanks for listening.

JC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 12:56pm
First and foremost, you are not stupid! And welcome here! I'm fairly new too! We have all been there thinking we are stupid. But you've already made the smart move by coming here. We really do all care and it is a great place to vent! I really think that you should seek help. Do you have to tell your parents? I'm sure your mom doesn't think anything is wrong. That's part of her being an alcoholic (I know, I've got a few in my family). I don't know what has happened with you and your dad, but maybe this is the time to just let him know you love him. Then let things go from there. If he responds, great! If he doesn't, then you know you have tried and will have no regrets. Hey, and if your sorority sisters are coming to you because they can see there is something wrong, then they must care. Lean on them! That's why they are "sisters"! Or just lean on all of us! You've got alot on your plate right now and alot from your past to deal with. Sometimes you just have to ask for help to get that push you need!

Keep posting!

Chris


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 1:03pm

Welcome, Nucollegegirl22!

AcornLeaves