new to this... just telling my story
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new to this... just telling my story
| Sat, 05-01-2004 - 12:16pm |
i'm new to this so i guess i'll start with my story... i'm a sophomore in college, i'm in a sorority, i'm on the golf team and i hate myself more than i thought i could. i'm so miserable, but i don't know what to do. my life is in shambles now... my father is a deadbeat who never cared about me, but now he's in failing health and will probably pass away within the next 5 years the doctors say. my best friend was killed in iraq in december at the age of 19. my mother was an alcoholic who wasn't around much during my childhood. i feel like now all of this is catching up to me and i can't deal with it anymore. i don't like talking to my friends, b/c i feel like i'm a burden to them and that they hate me too. i barely go out anymore because of my fear that i'm not welcome and that everyone hates me and doesn't want me there. i've had numerous panic attacks. i rarely sleep (i.e. last week i slept about 5 hours in 4 days) i can't trust anyone, i can't believe anyone when they say they care about me. i'm afraid that in the back of their minds they're thinking about how stupid i am and how i'm such a bother and an annoyance. one of my sorority sisters wants to take me to the doctor, but i don't know if i can go. first, i can't pay for it myself and i can't tell my parents. my mom really doesn't think anything is wrong with me. i tell her i can't sleep but she just says she doesn't know what to do. second, i'm afraid to go b/c i'm scared that the doctor will just say nothing is wrong and that i'm just being stupid. i don't know what to do... well, thanks for listening.
JC

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