dont know if I should be alone....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
dont know if I should be alone....
2
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 1:20pm
my mom is goingout of town to see my uncle tonight and wont be back til tomorrow.....I am not saying that I am going to do anything but all week the thought has been crossing my mind..my mom has some pain pills left over from when she had mouth surgery and it is a full bottle cause she doesnt like pain killers...and I just keep replaying the scenes from earlier this week with my sister and what she said..

I know I was wrong I know I went against blood I never told her cause Luis told me not too I figured he knew I was not thinking straight so I thought he would be the one thinking straight now she wont speak with me ever and he is still in her life...

I colored my hair I want to look like someone else be someone else I dont want to be recognized at all..I started to carry a razor in my purse again I know I am weak

I am only good enough for a booty call not good enough for someone to actually care about me I guess I deserve that too ...my sister told me that I do not eist to her that she doesnt care if I go crazy...I am already there.

Erin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 1:58pm
Erin, please, if you feel like you might hurt yourself, don't stay alone...even if you just get out to a bookstore or somewhere there are people around, that might help keep you safe. But if you feel in danger, please call your therapist (if she takes calls) or 911...you are deserving of so much more than the insults that your sister is giving you...and you will have a better life, but you need to be around for it.

I know it may be hard to believe, but you are a good person and have a whole lot of value. You did nothing wrong by trusting Luis and thinking that his judgment would be clearer...he is the one who turned out to be unworthy of trust. Your sister may be saying things impulsively that she wouldn't normally say...but in any case, she is wrong to give you the idea that no one should care about you. We on this board care about you, and you have a son who will need you, and you are deserving of love and respect.

Please hold on to that thought, as hard as it probably is to believe...I am thinking of you and praying that you will keep yourself safe...please do whatever it takes to stay around for a better day.

Hugs,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 3:02pm

Erin, honey, we care about you.

AcornLeaves