34- Divorced- SAD- doing dumb things

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
34- Divorced- SAD- doing dumb things
3
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 8:50pm
Well thats me at 34- I thought life was going to be different for me at this age. I have No children. Its been one year since the divorce- it was a "freindly" one and I didn't get any counseling. My Mom and Dad helped me out as I am an only child and moved back home after 10 years of travelling with my Military -then- husband. Now here I am starting over, the moneys dwindling- and the Ambition also. I dont want to climb the ladder at work- though I SHOULD- I just put in my time and go. Is there anything WRONG with that? Mom cant understand why I'm not a Manager yet. i just dont care.

Should I have Gotten Counselling?

I think I am at some kind of breaking point - or near it now- as I have come here to discuss this. I feel SO AWFUL- I met a man at a bar last night- my freind dared me to talk to him; he was VERY good looking. It seemed harmless and fun at the time- Until I find myself coming home at 5 A.M. today- with my panties in my purse.

GOD WHAT DID I DO?

We used a condom- which I noticed was BROKE afterward- Great- just what I need. I'm on the pill thank God- but I'm SO scared. I do think it was intact for most of It, but I know that doesn't matter- I will still be asking myself for MANY days now: AM I O.K?? and WHY DID I DO THIS? (besides Alcohol- a major factor i'm sure) I needed the attention and now I'll worry for So long. I'll probally Drink to not worry. I know I shouldn't... HOW CAN I get out of this rut? - I dont want this to happen again.

I must have seen EVERY episode of SEX AND THE CITY while it was on - What a crock. They were all so carefree. Or maybe it's just me and I'm too overconcerned.

Someone tell me things will get better. I dont have many freinds- and actually I plan on telling NO ONE about this, So I had to vent it here.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 9:45pm

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jessie))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


So many times we do dumb things to ease the pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 10:38pm
Sex and the City is a crock! Even the women who starred in it all said that it's fiction. Sarah Jessica has said that all 4 of those girls were out of control about sex, even Charlotte, the "good" one. Personally, I've never been carefree about sex. It has always meant a lot to me. Even if I tried to be carefree, I'd fall in love with the guy, even the jerks.

I assure you that you are not the only one to do what you did last night. I've known lots of very nice women who didn't even have sex very often, but did things they regretted when they got drunk.

One woman who has posted on the board a lot talked about this thing about 8 or 10 months ago. She ultimately decided to stop going out to bars because she ended up in situations she regretted later. She stopped going to bars and drinking last fall. It was a huge step for her. I used to end up regretting things I did when I drank, so I stopped drinking as well. That was when I was still in high school.

I'm 33 and divorced as well. I split with my husband back when I was 26. I have struggled with depression most of my life. But I'm in a very healthy relationship now. I have love that I never thought I would ever have. I feel like the man I am with now is only good choice I've made in a man in my whole life.

It's not too late to get counseling. It really helps. I've found that the best way to find a therapist is to ask you doctor to recommend someone to you. See how you like the person. If you don't feel comfortable, then ask your doctor for another name. I found my therapist through my doctor and she is wonderful.

One more story for you. My sister divorced her husband of 10 years when she was 34. She had no children, though she had always wanted them. She had dreamed of having 2 children, a girl first, then a boy. She was remarried by the time she was 36. She had her daughter right after she turned 37. She had her son when she was 39. Her husband is a very caring, giving, wealthy guy. He is so good for her and keeps her grounded, as well as giving her everything she's ever dreamed of having.

She was so scared to leave her husband when she was 34. She thought she'd never meet another man. She was scared that she'd never have children. But she did. She went to therapy. I'm not saying she's perfect. She isn't. But the man she married couldn't have been more perfect for her or better for her.

Things can get better. It's important to seek the help you need, since you feel kind of out of control right now. I don't know if you believe in God, but I've also found that praying helps. I asked God for help å lot during my divorce. I still ask for help all of the time. But I prayed for the exact kind of relationship that I now have to today with the man I'm with. We've been together for years now.

Remember that the most important thing you can do is to take excellent care of yourself. You are the only person who can do that for you.

All My Best,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 7:16pm
I wanna say thanks you guys- It's really good hearing your stories and the understanding words of support. I really do feel better today... and I plan to follow through with making sure I'm O.K. and then going on and learning from this- again, Thanks!

"just give Hope a chance to Float up, and it will."

-from HOPE FLOATS -Which I watched twice yesterday. :)