Looking for Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Looking for Advice
12
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:19pm
Hello! My name is Kari and im 30 years old. I have had depression for the past 6 years. it really manifested after my step-dad past away six years ago. its been an ugly ride of counslers, always changing medications cause after a few months they stop working.

In the Spring of 2005 I will be starting my nursing clinicals. Im saving up money to live on and going to take out an extra loan, due to they school said you really cant work.

I take lamictal 200mg a day and i havent been to a counsler in over 6 months. Im worried about how to pay for my medication after when i start my clinicals. which of course im feeling its not working anymore. Its a cycle with me and medications, my body rejects it after awhile. Im going to sign up for the health insurance at my University, but its limited on what they provide. Im hoping anyone has any info on cheap health insurance that will pay for counseling and any programs that is out there that can help with my medication costs.

Nursing has become a dream for me which im very close to accomplishing. its just my mental health keeps getting in the darn way! Im hoping to make some friends from this board and get some mutal support on dealing with depression.

any advice is welcomed!!!

Kari

~Kari~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 12:12am

Welcome to here Kari, I came here last week and love it.

~Jessica
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 6:34am

Welcome Kari!


Im glad you found us and I proud of you for pursuing your dream so vehemently! You CAN do it hun!! I know its hard with the depression but as you will see if you hang out here, its a battle that can be won.


Im really sorry about your dad too hun, losing someone you love to death or any reason is really hard.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 2:01pm
Thanks a Bunch for your reply! I did have a counsler in the springs,which was working for me. A bit more about me and my history, I followed a boyfriend down to colorado springs. he was very supportive due to his father is bi-polar. things were okay, then they got bad between us. kinda hard dealing with a depressive girlfriend, bi-polar father and on top of that he has an Autistic son from a previous marriage. My ex-bf has a temper problem to. I started to have him come along with me at the advice of my psycologist to help out with our problems. well of course, in the end that didnt work. I do like this counsler and i hope to go back to her unitl i cant anymore. its just getting off my ass and doing it. im worried that sub-conciously i really dont want to deal with my depression or take my medications. i do wish sometimes that i dont ahve this blasted condition. DANG IT!

You are the first person to mention anything about grief classes. my psychologist here in the springs and the one i used to see up in denver never said anything about it. I do have some traumatic experiences that brougth out this depression. I was in the first grade when i saw my father collapse right in front of me. i was home alone with my sisters at the time when this happend. then when i was 24, i went to my parents house i found my dad in the bathroom out of it, he threw up alot of blood and a GI bleed. It was a PTSD situation considering i stood there yelling at my dad that i was calling 911 and he said no, call your mother. it was like a dream, almost i felt like i was in the first grade again and i coulndnt think straight.

I remeber when my eldest sister came to the house after my mom took him to the hospital, i remeber her telling me later that i looked like i was in a daze and not myself at all. but im going to look into that grief class and see if i can find anything here in the springs.

my gawd! look at me i wrote a novel! one thing that i know helps me alot is talking about it. I journal, but after i write my guts out on paper, i rip up the paper into bits and throw them away. god forbid i dont want anyone to read them. but it makes me feel better. Thanks again for the great advice i will follow up and let you know what i find. feel free to ask any questions, im open and i feel the more i talk the better i always feel. from my past experience im finding it works for me to talk to others who know what im going thru, due to that they have a mental illness like mine.

thank you again!!

kari

~Kari~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 2:18pm
Hi jessica, thank you so much for your post! So far the expeience has been wonderful. Im trying new ways to fight my depression, and one im begining to realize that is not helping is talking to my family and friends. Mom just thinks im about to jump off the earth and thinks im going to over react. my eldest sister, well she is worried about me flipping out. but i keep it away from her cause she has four kids to raise. My sister in california, has depression to and has been thru alot! she just listens and offers advice. no judgement thank god, but her advice is that she wants me to move away and live with her. that is not a solution for me and i dont want that. i want my independence and do things for myself.

My ex-bf, at first was supportive, but he has problems with his temper, coping being a father of an autistic son from his previous marriage and having a father that is Bi-Polar. things got ugly like they did in a cycle and i couldnt do it anymore, even worse he started to compare me to his bi-polar father, thinking that his family has mental illness, he can diagnose me. which is horse puckey i know, and my doctor says im not bi-polar im Major Depressive.

Im sorry, im realizing im going off on a tangent and not even asking questions about you. im a talker, and find that talking or writing makes me feel better. I noticed in your profile that you are from NewYork, have you lived there all your life and have family there? Im dating a guy here in the springs who is orinally from Rochester NY, i tease him cause he sounds like he is from minnesota and not NY. lol

But how long have you dealt with depression? what has worked for you and not worked for you? my problems in the past few years have been finding medications that work and stay working. So far im taking Lamictal 200mgs. ive been on it for about 6 months now, so far its okay, keep my fingers crossed. i hope to hear from you soon. take care!

kari

~Kari~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:21pm

Kari,


Its alright if you kept rambling.

~Jessica
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:27am

Kari,


I wanted to say welcome and any time you want to trade places, I would gladly come home, LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 1:20am
My family is the type to want to quick fix and sweep under the rug. so when i get down, i usually hide and they dont hear from me. i know this is bad, but, their reactions isnt excatly healthy either. I havent been married either, longest relationship ive been in was for five years and that was with my ex-boyfriend that had the temper, the son and the bi-polar father.

a bit more on me, im a nursing student at university of colorado at colorado springs. i really would like to get into flight nursing. i work well in chaotic situations, werid i know! Im lucky to have two dads, well i guess you can put it that way. My biological father was a fireman for tacoma fire department up in washington. my mom was pregnant with me when he died in the line of duty. my mom got remarried when i was a year old. so im very fortunate to have a father who came into my mothers life and raised me as his own.

there are alot of life events that triggered my depression. alot of traumatic experiences, let me know if you want to hear about them. i just dont want to trigger you on your depresssion or bring you down. my sisters and i suffer from depression. we think we get it from my mothers side of the family. what i remeber of my mom's mother is that she used to get upset very easy and did have a drinking problem. My nieces are okay so far, i think it may have skipped them. so if i have kids i hope to god they dont develop it.

i would love to hear more about you. how old are you and what your family is like. where do you want to move out west? i hope to move back up to seattle washington when im done with nursing school.. wish me luck on my nursing test tomorrow!!!

take care

kari

~Kari~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 1:28am
thank you so much for the advice about the grief counseling class. Everyone here has mentioned it and it has turned on a light switch on in my head. im going to look into it and see what i can find here in the springs! So your from kiowa! cool!

Ive only lived here in the springs for about three years now. at first, i didnt care for it, now i love it. i like living close to the mountains, the fact i can go outside and BAM there is pikes peak right in front of your face. i dont like denver anymore, its to over populated and poluted. and the traffic is horrable!

I have a cousin, her name is KeriAnne, and she lives in D.C. to. the most east i have been is to alanta, ga. sorry, im spelling is horrible.. ah! i didnt like it very much in georgia. but i do want to go check out newengland. i have a test tomorrow in my nursing philosphy class, and if i do better than a 74% i dont have to take the final! wish me luck, and i will keep the list updated when i find a greif class.

thanks again for all the support. the past month has been rough for me and i wish i found this post alot sooner!

I almost forgot, i have pictures scanned into my computer of the area.. if you want some let me know and i can send thru email!

Kari

~Kari~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:53pm

Thanks Kari,


Just appreciate the veiw for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 6:40pm

Kari,


WOW, how about your story, I want hear the rest of your story.

~Jessica

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