low self esteem

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
low self esteem
7
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:26am
I was in an abusive relationship.....more mental then anything. I got out and gotten married to a wonderful man since then..... just one problem. I never got counciling for what I went through. now its been coming back to haunt me. I've gotten sencitive about everything. If I make a simple mistake, I put myself down.... ect. I've found that I cant be by myself without me beating myself up emotionally. I get into bouts of depression because of it. I've tried to find a place that offers free counciling for mental abuse, but cant find any. Anyone have any ideas?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 12:47pm


Hello and welcome.....

You mentioned that you went through mental abuse was it in the way of someone putting you down calling you nasty things making you feel unwiothy? the reason I ask is to not drudge up old bad feeling but to get a better understanding of things for you that way I do not say the wrong thing...

I know what it is like to have such a low self esteem I am proof of the understanding...I do or shall say did alot of bad things to myself because I was striving so hard and still am to be perfect for who I dont know but I do know that it was not for me because no matter what I did I felt and still feel that it isnt good enough I ahev no idea who I am trying to be better for but I know that it isnt for myself ...I starved myself vomited emotionally eating what I consider a large amount of food but in reality it isnt a lot of food at all...I cut myself until I coul not move my arm both my arms, I took diet pills laxatives obsessivly worked out weighed in everyday I stived so hard to be perfect in every aspect of my being that I forgot who I was what I wanted , I convinced myself that I was ugly that I was fat that I was worthless that it became normal for me to walk with my head down to hide my face to believe that what everyone told me was a lie...

the reason I am telling you all this is to let you know that you are not alone in what you are feeling but you are worht it not because you have someone on your side each night to tell you that you are loved but because you deserve oto be happy to be loved to love yourself first and foremost....

You may want to try catholic charities I have heard great things about them there are also hotlines that you can call to get in touch with soeone on a sliding scale basis it cant hurt to look into those things..

I wish you the best of luck on this journy that you are on..

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 1:16pm
Can't say much more right now than welcome to the board. AND low self esteem sucks, doesn't it? I stick my tongue out at myself many times when looking in the mirror. I guess grade school created bad habits.

hugs...we're here for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 7:12am

Welcome hun!


Im glad you want to get help again and that you recognize that you are having a hard time.. that is a big step.. I would suggest you call the local social service agency in your area, I know that in these times most every place has programs and help for those that been abused even if its just mental.

*hugs             

Avatar for legs2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 8:53am
Books, they can be immensely helpful when therapy is unavailable. I posted a little note to you on the post "Books the Board suggests" So it should be at the top of one of the folders. I am having internet troubles and the names recently changed so be patient with me. You will find it. It is the Mind over mood book. It will definitely help with self esteem issues.

They are not real...your issues...the man who made you feel this way is wrong....you are wonderful and smart. I can tell. I am very intuitive. You say you have a wonderful husband. He knows how awesome you are too.

I was in an abusive relationship. I looked in the mirror and did not see the woman my parents raised. I grew up in an incredibly supportive home. It was then that I started to realize that the man who made me feel like nothing was full of garbage.

The book will teach you strategies to counter act that garbage interfering with your life.

In the meantime say theses things:

I am gorgeous, inside and out.

I have a successful marriage.

I am loved.

I am attractive and fun.

I am an interesting and intelligent woman.

How does all that sounds? Sounds true to me. *wink*

Welcome to the board.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

Avatar for legs2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 9:00am
Of course, your issues are real..I meant to say that your issues are not permenant. There is no lifetime warrenty on abuse. It does not stay with you forever. Your abuser was wrong!!!! You are not that person!!!! You do not have to keep those negative things forever. Please believe me, you can and will get rid of that garbage.

Take care,

Lisa-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 5:16am
Thx you all. I felt kinda embarassed about the messege. I'm not one for talking. Had a really bad day at work, and to come home and read all your wonderful messeges put a smile on my face. As for that book, I'll check it out..... I love to read anyways.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 7:51pm
Hey, just read your profile and found out you live in vegas too! If you ever want to meet for coffee or whatever...let me know. I know you may not want to meet, or that with family obligations you can't meet, but had to put it out there. :)