what goes up must come down.......
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what goes up must come down.......
| Wed, 05-05-2004 - 9:52am |
I used the angry Icon because that is what I am ANGRY...not at anyone just at myself ....
I have this stupid headache for three weeks now my doctor says that it is a tension headache and gave me something for one day but it is still there comes and goes and it is making me so mad because I feel so foggy and out of it he told me to pay attention to myself to see if my vision goes blurry or if my balance is off he said if that happens it could be a blood clot or something worse so I am just trying to think that it is a tension headache from stress...but I have been under tons of stress in the past and this never happened so I dont know what to think anymore..
Yesterday I felt pretty good now today I am just so BLAH!!!!!!!I dont really have one emotion I just want to go under my covers and never leave I dont even have the energy to work out I still do it but it just isnt the same for me right now I dont get the satisfaction out of it like I did just two weeks ago it has become a chore but I drudge on because I know it is good foro my health...
I go to see my son in 70 days I am excited to see him but at the same time it takes alot of getting used to I hear him call his step mom mommy and watching Jeremy(his dad) and Stephanie (his step mom) being together hearing the I love you's and seeing them happy when I am miserable I love the both of them to death but it just sucks when all you want is love and there is no one to give it to you..
I am angry because I am supposed to be working on myself working on my self esteem but I just keep saying the nasty things to myself your fat your ugly you worthless you dont deserve to be happy you are a betrayer of your sister you deserve to die just over and over and over those words repeat in my head I hear them now I feel them now I just cant do this anymore I am tired all the time I am confused all the time I look at others and I wonder what is their secret how is it that they are happy what is it in life that I am missing was there a meeting or something on how to be happy and I missed it?
I dont know anymore I try to smile and be upbeat I go to therapy tonight and I need to figure out what to talk about I need a list because there is so much but I just cant think right now and I have to think I need a list or else I am not going ot talk about anything that I reeally need to talk about oh god why cant I think.....
Alright I think I have lost my mind I need to go and relax for a minute or two thanks ladies.
Erin
I have this stupid headache for three weeks now my doctor says that it is a tension headache and gave me something for one day but it is still there comes and goes and it is making me so mad because I feel so foggy and out of it he told me to pay attention to myself to see if my vision goes blurry or if my balance is off he said if that happens it could be a blood clot or something worse so I am just trying to think that it is a tension headache from stress...but I have been under tons of stress in the past and this never happened so I dont know what to think anymore..
Yesterday I felt pretty good now today I am just so BLAH!!!!!!!I dont really have one emotion I just want to go under my covers and never leave I dont even have the energy to work out I still do it but it just isnt the same for me right now I dont get the satisfaction out of it like I did just two weeks ago it has become a chore but I drudge on because I know it is good foro my health...
I go to see my son in 70 days I am excited to see him but at the same time it takes alot of getting used to I hear him call his step mom mommy and watching Jeremy(his dad) and Stephanie (his step mom) being together hearing the I love you's and seeing them happy when I am miserable I love the both of them to death but it just sucks when all you want is love and there is no one to give it to you..
I am angry because I am supposed to be working on myself working on my self esteem but I just keep saying the nasty things to myself your fat your ugly you worthless you dont deserve to be happy you are a betrayer of your sister you deserve to die just over and over and over those words repeat in my head I hear them now I feel them now I just cant do this anymore I am tired all the time I am confused all the time I look at others and I wonder what is their secret how is it that they are happy what is it in life that I am missing was there a meeting or something on how to be happy and I missed it?
I dont know anymore I try to smile and be upbeat I go to therapy tonight and I need to figure out what to talk about I need a list because there is so much but I just cant think right now and I have to think I need a list or else I am not going ot talk about anything that I reeally need to talk about oh god why cant I think.....
Alright I think I have lost my mind I need to go and relax for a minute or two thanks ladies.
Erin

(((((((((((ERIN))))))))))))))))
hope all goes well in therapy tonight hun... and maybe think talk about the general way you have been feeling and see where that leads.. sometimes if you take care of the big things the little things will take care of themselves!
*hugs
*hugs
Ok, let's see. I said that I was surprised you were still working out b/c I have had low motivation in that department since January, but have still been paying dues thinking that the money factor alone would make me go. It hasn't. For your tension headaches, if meds aren't working, I'd totally try massage therapy. I got addicted to it but can't afford it in my current financial status. It isn't too expensive, usually anywhere from 40-60 bucks a session...but that pays back big time when you get up off that table and you're all relaxed and limp. Don't know if you'd like that sort of contact with a stranger, but at least think about it. I always have a female do it, that way I know she's a bit more sympathetic to how I feel about how I look. And they usually cover you up and just reveal whatever spot they are rubbing. You can always call and ask about how they do things, or go visit a few places to see the environment that you'd be in.
I hate those obnoxious voices that say those mean things! Don't they know we're trying to survive here? I always tell them to shup up, but they just go mutter in a corner like jealous schoolgirls pointing fingers. They can just go to hell and die, b/c I'm doing the best I can, and I'm sure you are too. Hell, you're going to therapy, that's one or two up on me! Definitely make a list, or just print out your post. I think you have it covered in there, right?
HUGS TO YOU
ps if you have any more questions about massage therapy that you might not ask them, ask me! it will do you good if you do try it. i'm surprised your doc didn't think of it.