Just having a blue blue blue day

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Just having a blue blue blue day
6
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 3:53pm
I'm just having one of those days. I'm just so down and don't know why. Well, I guess I sort of know why. Not only do I have major PMS this month, my mom's Parkinsons is getting much worse. So much so, the doctor called me in last week. I went on the Parkinson's support board and got some great advice. But the reality is, she is never going to get better and I just don't know how to handle it. And now dimentia has set in. It is so hard to watch someone you love so much suffer like she is. I spent so many years thinking I could do without my parents and didn't need them. Little did I know they were my backbone. I found that out very quickly when I went thru an abusive marriage and divorce and I did alot of really stupid things. But my parents were right there and let me come back home. That was 20 years ago. Since then I've praised them.

I know I'm rambling but I just need to let this out. So many things are bothering me right now I just don't know what to concentrate on. Where do I start? Sometimes I wonder who I really am anymore. I've got our credit card debt up to where there is no way we'll get out and we are in desperate need of money. Our daughters medical bills are piling up fast, but I just cannot stop spending. I want it all! I just want a hug! I want someone to understand and help me and tell me it will be okay. I can't stop crying, my daughter is so wonderful (granted she's only 3 yrs old) and is patting me on the back saying it's okay mommy. I don't like her to see me like this. I hope she never remembers. I remember my mom's depression when I was so young and her breakdown. How devastating to see. So, I try not to cry when she is around, but to be honest, that's 24/7. I'm a stay at home mom. How do you find time to go off and vent and cry! Here, I guess! I'm just stuck and don't know where to turn.

(((((((((((((HELP)))))))))))))))

Chris


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:45pm

((((((Chris)))))), you know we are here for you, as I am sure the Parkinson's board also is.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 10:13pm
I only wish things seemed that easy. Financially, it just can't happen to have someone come in and help with my parents. I checked into last week and they just cannot afford it. My mom is on disability and state insurance. But her deductible is $3000. Her and my dad's meds a month cost them $2000 out of their pockets. It's unbelievable! Her doctor is doing everything he can to get some help, but so far, nothing. With mom's complications and my dad just having open heart surgery, their expenses are out the roof.

It is hard for me to find a sitter. My daughter has a heart defect and we have to be very careful about who she is around and sickness. My only two babysitters can only watch her at night, which does help so that my husband and I can spend some time together.

I am on an antidepressant and did increase it last week. Today has just been a very down day. My therapist is the one who had the heart attack not to long ago and we lost him. I haven't found anybody as of yet. I am considering calling my priest though. It just seems like one thing after another and I just don't know how much more I can take. I know I'll get thru it eventually, but I'm so tired of dealing with all of this.

Thanks so much for your support. I really appreciate it! I just don't know what to do from here.

Chris


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 12:09am

Chris, I'm sorry.

AcornLeaves
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:31pm
(((((((((BIG HUGE HUGS FOR U))))))))))))) Ok my first advice is to take a deep breath...in (aaaaaaaah) and out (haaaaaaaaaa). Ok now take ONE thing at a time. Break each thing out into little bits. Write down your short term and long term plans for these issues.

About your mom's Parkinsons, Im so sorry you have to go through this. If you can take any comfort away from this is that in a lot of cases the people around the ill family member suffer more from watching them, than their suffering themselves. I think your continuous love and support is wonderful. Keep it up and please talk to someone about how you feel so that they can help you deal with it. Im glad you found the Parkinsons board.

I think we all see things differently from our parents at at least one pnt in our lives so please dont kick yourself about it. When you live your mistakes, you learn them better and become a stronger person right?!

As far as the credit card debt....CUT UP YOUR CREDIT CARDS. Get a financial advisor, cut all the spending corners. Each of you should have a specific budget and you can spend no more. Example, you have $10 ech wk u can spend on yourself, well its up to u how to spend it but you cant spend more until next wk..no exceptions. There is a budget msg board here somewhere too. Go to the library and look up bks on financial advice. Have a budget for everything. HAve categories for each cost..food, hydro, heat, etc. Trust me its hard work but worth it.

It sounds like you are spending out of sadness. Please REPLACE that habit. Replace it with walking, jogging, knitting, sewing, drawing, writing, playing with your DD, etc. Make sure you replace the habit. Have a backup plan for when you have the urge to spend unwisely.

Please continue to post here, and please please at least try to take my advice and let me know how you are doing! Maybe you need a few hours each week to be on your own to get some fresh air or something. Arrange it with Dh. All the best and take care hun. HUGS HUGS HUGS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 6:26pm
AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:41am
Thanks to you and to Barbara for the advice and support. I'm going to check out that debt support. Lord knows I need it. I do have us set on a budget. I have envelopes for everything. But some days I have a lot of trouble keeping my little sticky fingers out of those envelopes for something else. I know I'm using my spending as a support, but just don't know how to get away from that. AAARRRRGGGHHH! Yesterday was actually a decent day. The day before was a nightmare. Got into another fight with my sister concerning our parents. She just cannot accept the fact that they are ill. Yesterday I just decided to get up early and go to my parents are help them out. Then I came home and my daughter and I just spent most of the day outside playing in her pool. It was a good stress reliever! Thank God for her!

Everybody have a good day!

LOL,

Chris


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Mom to furangel, Chelse