feeling much much better.....
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feeling much much better.....
| Wed, 05-12-2004 - 6:08pm |
My mood is starting to lift although I am jsut a tad bit anxious but otherwise I am not nearly as sad as I had been and I get to see Jakob in 63days and counting.
On monday I went and baught byself a slant board/flat bench to do my workouts with I figure I have to get into better shape in 9 weeks, I am toned I just want some muscle....and a six pack...
I went to the doctor Yesterday for my headaches and he told me that they were a migrane without the typical symptoms nasua sensitivity to light ect...just the pain so he gave me vioxx to take for 5 days and it should be gone yeah me...and I got my blood pressure done when I was there a bit ago it was 100/70 and now it is 90/60 he said it was good especially for my height and build so I am happy about that also...
all and all things seem to be okay, I cancelled my therapy and shrink appointments this week I know I should not have done that but I just didnt have the energy or the money I had spent so much this week and ya my co-pay is only 20 dollars but I just didnt feellike talking plus I am going to see both next week...
I kow I mentioned the anxious part and I have been noticing that I am a little anxious at times but only when I think that I am not understood like if I am saying something and I feel that the person I am talking to doesnt get what I am saying I get moody and upset and I dont drop it until I feel that they understand me I know stupid.....
and I went out and baught the slant board for my workouts not to be healthier but to get more muscle and to work out even more to extend my workouts to two hours again I know I have a problem that I am not yet ready to overcome at least I can admit that and that is a big thing for someone to admit that there is something wrong with them..
And I also have not cut since last week, I did those two little cuts on my arm cried for doing that to myself and then got over it and promised myself that I would not do that again...
I also promised myself that I am not going to be defeated by what is going on with my sister and myself I know I made a mistake I know I messed up but it takes two to tango and I am not the only one who messed up Luis also did and he is still in her life she forgave him but I am blood so I understand her being mad at me but she doesnt know how he cornered me one day when getting out of the shower or how when we had a bbq and she left to get beer how he made comments about me in my bikini earlier that day how even with her in the room he would make passes when she was not looking she doenst know how he would ask me to hang out but that I could not tell her I was hanging out with him and how I said no to huim that if I could not tell her that I went to a club with im than I was not going to go at all...all she knows is what luis told her an dI am sure that he made himself out to be the victim and me as the seducer and I am so not a seductive person even if I tried I could not be...but I am going to move on and live and I hope that one day we will be sisters again..but that is her choice not mine...
okay that was lopng winded...
All and all I feel good tired but good really tired actually I feel that there is not enough hours in the day to sleep and that is not me I am never low on energy and these past few weeks I have zero energy..oh well...
I hope all is well with everyone...
Erin
On monday I went and baught byself a slant board/flat bench to do my workouts with I figure I have to get into better shape in 9 weeks, I am toned I just want some muscle....and a six pack...
I went to the doctor Yesterday for my headaches and he told me that they were a migrane without the typical symptoms nasua sensitivity to light ect...just the pain so he gave me vioxx to take for 5 days and it should be gone yeah me...and I got my blood pressure done when I was there a bit ago it was 100/70 and now it is 90/60 he said it was good especially for my height and build so I am happy about that also...
all and all things seem to be okay, I cancelled my therapy and shrink appointments this week I know I should not have done that but I just didnt have the energy or the money I had spent so much this week and ya my co-pay is only 20 dollars but I just didnt feellike talking plus I am going to see both next week...
I kow I mentioned the anxious part and I have been noticing that I am a little anxious at times but only when I think that I am not understood like if I am saying something and I feel that the person I am talking to doesnt get what I am saying I get moody and upset and I dont drop it until I feel that they understand me I know stupid.....
and I went out and baught the slant board for my workouts not to be healthier but to get more muscle and to work out even more to extend my workouts to two hours again I know I have a problem that I am not yet ready to overcome at least I can admit that and that is a big thing for someone to admit that there is something wrong with them..
And I also have not cut since last week, I did those two little cuts on my arm cried for doing that to myself and then got over it and promised myself that I would not do that again...
I also promised myself that I am not going to be defeated by what is going on with my sister and myself I know I made a mistake I know I messed up but it takes two to tango and I am not the only one who messed up Luis also did and he is still in her life she forgave him but I am blood so I understand her being mad at me but she doesnt know how he cornered me one day when getting out of the shower or how when we had a bbq and she left to get beer how he made comments about me in my bikini earlier that day how even with her in the room he would make passes when she was not looking she doenst know how he would ask me to hang out but that I could not tell her I was hanging out with him and how I said no to huim that if I could not tell her that I went to a club with im than I was not going to go at all...all she knows is what luis told her an dI am sure that he made himself out to be the victim and me as the seducer and I am so not a seductive person even if I tried I could not be...but I am going to move on and live and I hope that one day we will be sisters again..but that is her choice not mine...
okay that was lopng winded...
All and all I feel good tired but good really tired actually I feel that there is not enough hours in the day to sleep and that is not me I am never low on energy and these past few weeks I have zero energy..oh well...
I hope all is well with everyone...
Erin

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