It's all falling down...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
It's all falling down...
5
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 9:48am
I'm new here and sorry to unload all of this so soon. The problem is, I feel I cannot trust anyone at all in my life to talk to now, so confiding in family members is out. Here goes nothing: 1)I just dropped my brother off at the emergency room because he cannot breathe...appears to be asthma, which runs in the family, but I'm so afraid it's something more serious. He had cancer a few years back which spread to his lungs. He went through chemo and went into remission, but hasn't been back to be rechecked since then. Very worried :(. 2) My husband is a liar. That is all he does and will not admit it so it's not even something we can work out. I do not respect him and most of the time feel I want him out of my life. I do not trust him...cannot believe a word he says. 3) My mother is mentally ill...has been for most of my life, and has recently stopped taking her medication. Normally, throughout the years when she had stopped taking her meds, we had to take her to the hospital where they admitted her into a psych unit until her medication was back in her system. She is slowly deteriorating, unable to handle finances, being evicted from her apartment, etc. I miss her and want my mom back!! I don't know what to do. Tried calling her psychiatrist but I think she dropped my mom as a patient. She should still at least call us back! 4) Found out dear old sis is draining mom's bank account. Just found out last night and not sure how to handle it. I certainly don't want mom to find out, she would be heartbroken. Poor woman, she thinks Social Security closed her bank account! That's just an idea of how she is thinking at the moment. 5) Oldest son has a crack addiction. It's gotten as bad as the dealer ringing my doorbell at 6 am demanding the money from ME! We have no insurance to take care of this. Hubby has promised to get it through work but again, he's dragging it out with excuses and meanwhile things are getting worse. 6) Youngest son was head-butted during basketball and his eye is blurry and bloodshot, as if a blood vessel has burst. Again, no insurance. Can't take care of it.

Whoa is me.......

Again, sorry for unloading this way. I just really needed to "talk" to someone. Thanks and have a great day!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 11:26am
Morning mid westgirl, My heart goes out to you. You can vent here anytime. Lord know I do. The people here are wonderful and caring. I'll keep your family in my prayers. I only have experience with a few of the things you mentioned so I'll try to comment on those. I have big trust issues with men, especially. I try real hard to remind myself that we are all individuals and that I cannot judge one person with my experiences with another. It's hard, but everytime I try it gets a little easier. Yes, most people do diappoint me, but my standards are very high. I understand what it's like to miss your mother even when she's still around. My Mom was raped ten years ago. She's been gone ever since. I'll never get the loving mother I knew back. I grieve for her daily as if she were dead. Who has power of attorney over your mother? This is the person who has the control over her finances and thereis not much that can be done about it. If no one does then someone needs to. It will be a lot of work so be sure this is something you want before you take it on. Can you get the paper work for insurance from your husbands work and fill them out? I've found when dealing with my husband that if I want something done I just need to do it my self. Take Care of Yourself. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 1:09am
wow, that is a lot of stuff for anyone to handle. i'm from the midwest too! i'm not a doctor, but usually a broken blood vessel in the eye looks horrible but doesn't need any medical attention. health insurance is such a bummer- i have been dealing with that first hand for awhile now. it is so hard watching parents change, age, and have problems. we want our parents to be invinsible and live forever in perfect health and if that isn't happening it can really shake us up- they are our rocks. i hope you can figure something out with your sister- it is always shocking how family members can act when it comes to money. my father stole my inheritance from my grandmother- and his sister stole her possessions of value from the rest of the family (which we had to pay for) when she died. it's sick. i wouldn't tell your mom if i were you- better not to break her heart if she is already in a tough spot anyways. i hope your brother is ok- hopefully it is not too serious. i hope everything works out with your family. things really do have a way of working themselves out. thanks for your response to me too- and welcome to the board! i like it here because there are people here who you CAN talk to about the hard stuff to talk about- and they are there to support you and help you throuhg it. the women here are an amazing group!!! i hope you are feeling better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:33am
Hi and welcome!!

Don't worry about coming here to vent...we all do it!!

You sure have alot going on in your life right now sweetie.

I don't have much time to post, but I just wanted to say hi and send you some {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Take care

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:31pm
Thank you, Pamela. It feels great to receive such a warm welcome from everyone!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 8:49am
Hello,

I read your message and the others are right - you aren't whining, or yet you have PLENTY to rightfully whine about!

I am sorry to hear about all of your problems. The one thing I will say is that you have a good basic attitude about it all in that you have identified your problems straight away. So many times when we are depressed we can't ever put our fingers on just what is causing it. Good job! I have found that once you identify the problems, you can then prioritise them and start on solutions. Soemtimes we can't ever find absolute solutions but the process of researchig and trying helps us get up off the floor.

I often advise proactivism on here and on ivillage.co.uk because in my experience I've found that it is one thing that always works. If we can pull ourselves together long enough to start doing something about the crap in our lives then we are already on our way to a solution!

I agree with one of the other ladies in that you should see about becoming executer of your mother's estate. My mother has had to do this with her sister. My aunt has been an alcoholic for many years and has finally in the last 5 years drank herself almost to death. She has the beginning stages of dimentia, or altzheimers they can't tell yet, and her children were beginning to take advatage of her much in the same way your sister is your mother. This will probably involve lawyers and judges and doctors but it will be best for your mum in the long run, I promise. It may alsi mean telling your mum what has been happening but you can avoid that at all costs. Taking care of this part of your life will free up time and energy to take care of your personal life as well.

It seems that you feel helpless in all of this but there are things you can do about it! It may involve making very hard decisions like having your mum checked into a nursing home and your son into a rehab centre. You can have this done against their will if need be - check with your lawyer. Does your mum have benefits like medicare or something? That will pay for the care home if its a must.

I am sending hugs and good thoughts your way and I know that you can get through all of this! Family is one of the most stressful areas of our lives unfortunately.

Take care!

Angela