Depression and No Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Depression and No Support
9
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:33am
Hi it is so hard for me to start to talk on any level of my depression with anyone. Last night at 3am another sleepless night. I been crying most of the night feeling completely alone.

I was suppose to have a therapy appointment but, my dear jerk husband decide he was going to be gone and not take care of the kids when I needed him to do this. I told my mom if it wasn't for my childern I could care less if I was dead or alive. I am angry of how fat I have become and how lonely I feel.

I have suffered depression most of my life. But, when I was a teenager I can blame my dad (abusive alcoholic), in my 20's I never stopped going, in my 30's I got married and started a family not thinking of what could happen.

I am 36 years old with a husband in the Navy. Who acts like he hates me most of the time. (Mothers Day) he went out of the way to do nothing for me He didnt even have the kids make me a mothers day card. I think he may even be cheating on me.

I am on Medication but, it ran out last week but, it made me had really bad dreams and I was bouncing off the wall during the day. I was going to see my therapist to see if he would change my meds but, thanks to my hubby I cant.

You may read this and think wow what a whiner...but, I am just venting and in my own way I am reaching out for help because, I have no where else to turn.

Thank you

notaperfectmom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:45am
You are not whining! Don't worry. You should read some of my posts! ha ha That's what this board is about!

LOL,

Chris


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anonymous user
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:47am
Hi sweetheart. HUGS HUGS HUGS. Im so sorry for your pain. I dont think you are a whiner at all, and I think you deal with things pretty well. It sounds like your husband is very selfish. Im so glad that you found this site, and I know there are other msg boards that might help you such as the Military wives board (Im not sure where that is) and the parenting boards as well (not sure where those are either).

This is a tough situation. Have you tried to have a sit-down talk with your husband and really told him how you feel about your life?

If you feel you have tried everything, it sounds like this relationship is over. You children can see what is going on too, of course. I always think of divorce as a last resort. However it sounds like he doesnt try very hard on his part.

Can you get a babysitter to take care of your kids so that you can go to the doctor or a therapist?

Please take care of yourself. His behaviour is really bad, and you deserve better. You are a good person. Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing. You have support here @-}---

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 3:11pm

Hi and Welcome!!


You are definately not a whiner hun!

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 3:31pm

Welcome to our board, Notaperfectmom!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 8:00am
Hi i think we share the same fate. I am a SAHM for six months already.I was also crying for the past 2 days. And in 1 week i lost 4kg. Since i was retrenced six months ago i have been feeling miserable. i hv a 6yr old son. My H is working n furthering his studies in IT. I actually paid some of his study fees using my retrenchment money. Got us a new car as it cost cheaper monthly than the older car.Most of my money is gone to him. I thought i was just helping him. But what he did was neglecting me and my son. He came back almost 12midnight every night and goes to work at 7am the nextmorning. i only get to see him on Sundays. Meanwhile i discovered that he smoke cigarette. maybe becoz of stress. When i asked him, he told me he has been smoking for a number of years. And i dont even know it? All behind my back. With all the litte time we have together, he prefers to go to the gym and spend time with his friends. Last night (Fri) we managed to talk for the first time and made good love. I even did what he asked me (unwholeheartedly) something that i hated.Its against my religion . He like it and seem to appreciate it but he was sorry he made me.He seem care about me.But next morning at 8.00am he was ready for gym again. I told him i really need him to be with me the whole morning as he will have class again in the day. He just didnt listen and walk off. I felt used and angry.

But finding this Depression Support message board and reading it all help me to forget my pain and i hope it does the same to you. But im still coping with this loneliness and neglect. ( My H used to be very romantic.He a little overweight but now he phyically attractive becoz of gym. He sent me flowers every year at my workplace for my birthday and our anniversary. But for the last six months he is changed person. But im trying to cope with all this feeling.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 8:29am
thanks everyone for the well wishes on this post. Today it isnt much better. My hubby had duty last night and my 13 month daughter could not sleep last night. So I was holding her most of the night. I think I may have to call her doctor....

I thought I would try to wake up in a good mood this morning and it didnt work. My son was into something when I was trying to take something for my allergies. I went off on him...I was yelling at him on top of my lungs about how he doesnt listen and how I wish I wasnt his mother anymore....I feel so awful..

Been crying most of the morning agian...I hate this...I never felt so alone in my life. Even without my childern and hubby I never felt so lonely. I feel drained because, I childern require so much of my time and my attention. My childern are my everything...but, then I talk to my son like my father would talk to me...

I wish this would be over with...dang depression...and I am surrounded around of alot of people who think I am a hyprocondreact....

Thanks I did need for someone to listen...

Yours truely,

Beth

Notaperfectmom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 11:04am
Beth, I've got plenty of good thoughts and prayers for you. The people here are wonderful support so at least you have that now. I understand what it is like to be in a house full of people yet still feel alone. This dang depression. Wishing you better days to come! Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:26pm
hi Beth. I know how you are feeling. i took on my child too when i was actually angry with my H. My pain was the worst for the last week. He is oblivious to me and my son's need. a few days ago i was angry that my son dirtied the floor with the food he is eating. i shoved his head to the floor yelling at him for that. That was the worst thing that ive done and it actually 'wake' me up. My son is the target for my frustration and pain. My H was there but he didtnt care. My son's name is Ezul. He is a wonderful child. Though he's only six, he understands me better than his f.He would ask me why i am sad and would sing me songs that he learns in kindergarten to make me happy. So dont take on our young children, if we are happy, they will too.

Today I sms my H asking when he's coming home as he finished his class at 6pm. It already 9.30.No respond. So instead of brooding, i sent my son to my mum's home and bought movie tickets Val Helnsing and watched with my friends. It was a midnight show and i just came back.

Lilla, singapore

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 1:43pm

Lilla, welcome to our board!

AcornLeaves