feeling kinda YUCKY!!!!!
Find a Conversation
feeling kinda YUCKY!!!!!
| Mon, 05-17-2004 - 9:43am |
Hello everyone...
Well it is Monday another start to another week..
I had a very slow weekened I worked on Saturday, sunday I didnt leave my bed until 7:00pm I went to have a drink with my best friend it was fun we talked Saturday night we watched Kill Bill and I loved it I cant wait to see kill bill volume 2 then we went to my ex-boyfriends house to say hello Sareen and I am him used to be great friends then he and I dated for like 2 years so we go there and hang out and talk and I am looking at him and just having flash back to when we were together and I think to myself maybe I still do have feelings for him he asked me a year ago if I did and I told him NO because I was dating someone at the time..
so here I am talking with Scott and in the car this song comes on that used to remind me of him called always and forever (it isnt the slow song that you all may be thinking about) there is this verse in the song that says you have the most incredible blue eyes that I have ever seen..that reminds me of scott.
So Sareen says to me you still care about him I say yes Scott was supposed to move with me to Arizona but something happened and I went alone when he was ready to come out there I had already started to date my sons father so he didnt move out there I wished he did because I wanted to be with him so bad but he didnt want to come between Jeremy and myself...
So I have decided that I am just going to spill it to scott I know it wont hurt anything and I am tired of keeping things bottled up inside and missing out on everything, this is how I need to start to free myself that way I can let go and move on with my life you never know he may feel the sameway...so wish me luck..
Also I have been so tired zero energy put it this way I am so tired that I do not even want to work out and for those of you who know my history I am obsessed with working out I freak out if I dont work out I panic if I dont work out I feel that I gained 100 pounds when I do not work out..so I am tired no energy I force myself to work out but it doesnt do it for me all I want to do is sleep and stay in bed even when I was really depressed suicidal I never wanted to just stay in bed..but I cant my mom would get nerviouse.
I go to my shrink tomorrow so I am going to talk to him about that it has been going on for a month now that I have felt this way....
Okay enough of my whining...
So do you all think that I should take a chance and tell Scott how I still feel?
thanks for listening to me.
Erin
Well it is Monday another start to another week..
I had a very slow weekened I worked on Saturday, sunday I didnt leave my bed until 7:00pm I went to have a drink with my best friend it was fun we talked Saturday night we watched Kill Bill and I loved it I cant wait to see kill bill volume 2 then we went to my ex-boyfriends house to say hello Sareen and I am him used to be great friends then he and I dated for like 2 years so we go there and hang out and talk and I am looking at him and just having flash back to when we were together and I think to myself maybe I still do have feelings for him he asked me a year ago if I did and I told him NO because I was dating someone at the time..
so here I am talking with Scott and in the car this song comes on that used to remind me of him called always and forever (it isnt the slow song that you all may be thinking about) there is this verse in the song that says you have the most incredible blue eyes that I have ever seen..that reminds me of scott.
So Sareen says to me you still care about him I say yes Scott was supposed to move with me to Arizona but something happened and I went alone when he was ready to come out there I had already started to date my sons father so he didnt move out there I wished he did because I wanted to be with him so bad but he didnt want to come between Jeremy and myself...
So I have decided that I am just going to spill it to scott I know it wont hurt anything and I am tired of keeping things bottled up inside and missing out on everything, this is how I need to start to free myself that way I can let go and move on with my life you never know he may feel the sameway...so wish me luck..
Also I have been so tired zero energy put it this way I am so tired that I do not even want to work out and for those of you who know my history I am obsessed with working out I freak out if I dont work out I panic if I dont work out I feel that I gained 100 pounds when I do not work out..so I am tired no energy I force myself to work out but it doesnt do it for me all I want to do is sleep and stay in bed even when I was really depressed suicidal I never wanted to just stay in bed..but I cant my mom would get nerviouse.
I go to my shrink tomorrow so I am going to talk to him about that it has been going on for a month now that I have felt this way....
Okay enough of my whining...
So do you all think that I should take a chance and tell Scott how I still feel?
thanks for listening to me.
Erin

I know what its like to stay in bed all day. I feel miserable. Even when Im sick and stay in bed, I feel sad. I suggest that if you decide to stay in bed, at least make a point of going outside to take in the fresh air a couple of times, or even go for a walk. This might give you the energy that you need.
Good luck :)
Scott is this guy that I dated a few years ago we remained friends he was supposed to move with me to Arizona but he got intoa situation that he could not get out of....
and before I moved away he told me that he loved me granted that was a bit ago but I cant get that out of my head and each time I see him I just keep thinking about that and each time I see him my feelings keep flooding back......
Sareen is my best friend my confidant she is more like a sister than anything else....she thinks that I should just go for it the worst thing that can happen is that he justwants to be friends with me but I think I just need to spill my guts out to scott...I figure with the type of personality that I have I need to get it out or I will obsess over it til the day I die....
I end up getting out of bed i know if I stay in bed I will become way too sad and I do not want to go back to that place ever again last time I got very sad I ended up in the hospital and lost almost 15 pounds I gained the 15 pounds back my doctor told me the next time I got that low I would need to go into the eating disorder ward of the hospital and I do not want to do that...
I do make sure that I get alot of sunshine I thrive on the sun it wakes me up but there are days like today when I would have rather not gotten out of bed but I go ot my shrink today so I am going to talk to him about that...
thanks again dreamy...
Erin
Erin, I'm sure it felt really good to be around a guy about whom you have some really positive memories.
Erin,
I do believe that you should go slow with Scott, like Barb said, to see if being around him a bit brings out more feelings for you both. It is fortuitous that you have someone in your life that sparks you. I miss the spark..Lord and Lady, do I ever. I have a job now during the daylight hours 8:30-5, so I can't stay in bed all day until the weekends. Even though I know I was staying in bed b/c I was unhappy, I miss my all day warmth. I also miss my half hour sunbathing, b/c by 5 the sun isn't as bright and refreshing (my usual hours were between 9-11am, when the Sun is still radiant in His sky climb). I wish a little that I had your drive for exercise, not to the point of panic, but I NEED TO WORKOUT! My good friend back home has went down 4 sizes since I left last year, and though I'm happy for her and very proud, I'm jealous of her dedication. Then again, she doesn't suffer from depression and has many friends and a boisterous son to keep her active. I must make do with what I have; have been thinking about walking at my half hour lunch, but am concerned that I might be too sweaty to go back into the office.(it's one small room with 6 people in close proximity, so I worry about offensive odors :0 ) And besides that, when it's 90+ outside, it can be miserable to walk anywhere. And it's just not very safe to walk around here at night; I've got no one to do it with here.
Wow, I think this is the most I've said on any board for almost a week. I guess you brought it out of me!
love and hugs
@--{---
thank you for your replies...
Barb you always know just what to say I love it....
I will take it slow dont worry I have actually gotten alot of myself under control with the whole men thing so I am starting to have more faith in myself as a person...
For example I saw Jason (I dont know if you remember him at all, the drug guy who used me or shall I saw I let him use me) well I saw him out he tried to get to me to his place I said no that I was going home he called me at 11pm that same night I didnt answer my phone nor did I call him back so I am doing good at staying away...I think alot has to do with the positive feedback I got from all of you when Caly posted my picture it gave me more worht and made me feel that I was pretty and I decided that I was too good for most of these men that I come across...since most of them only have one thing on their mind and it isnt finding out what my favorite color is...but scott is different he is nice and sweet and kid he is smart and funny just a good guy but I am going to just see what happens not rush into things plus I still have my mind set on going back to Arizona to be with my son whom I get to see in 56 days......
I cant wait to show you all the pictures of him he is so beautiful and I am not just saying that because he is my son he really is handsome...
Okay off my soap box about my little man...
Thanks again ladies for the great replies and insight I am going to take it all to heart and I am going to talk to marnie tonight about it I can not keep things from her no matter how small it is that way I can understand me better with the more I tell her..
Okay I need to run and bill out a deal..
Erin
I got fired! This is the first time I've ever gotten fired. I felt like absolute crap this morning(some sort of stomach flu that's been going around down here, nausea,vomiting,diarrhea oh my! :0 ) so even though this is a new job, I did call in b/c how am I supposed to work when constantly running to the bathroom? And 9 times out of 10, like that they are going to tell you to go home before you make anyone else sick, right? So I call at 7, when my supervisor is supposed to be already there, but I have to leave a message. Wait, let me back up a minute to last night getting off of work. There is a woman that hasn't liked me and has been extremely rude, sarcastic, and insulting to me and anyone else she can, including patients calling in and coworkers in the office. So it's just a coworker on my left(who just started working there last wk), myself, and this other woman. Now, I've only been told certain things about procedural stuff for the office, and nothing relating to time to clock(or actually just write down) in or clock out--b/c there is one time on the computer I'm working on and another time on the phones. So at 2 minutes to 5, I log out of our system along with the coworker to my left. This other woman (J) says in her holier-than-thou tone,"You have to stay on the system until 5. In case someone calls in." And my coworker left (K) says, "And thank you for putting that in the nicest possible manner.", giving her a sarcastic smile right back. But we both start logging back in, which takes under 30 seconds. I make the comment that it's 2 minutes to 5, to which J says, "We're supposed to go by the time on the phone." And I say, "Well, no one told me that, not even 'in the nicest possible manner'." And J says, "Well, they(the doctors) won't pay you until 5 if you're not logged on the system until 5." And I'm thinking, ok, take the 2 minutes off of my check then, but didn't say anything and proceeded to change the clock on my computer to reflect the time on the phone, which is about a minute difference. So J goes off in a huff to talk to the Office Manager, comes back, it's now 5 on the nose..K and I log off and leave.
So back to today.....
My supervisor calls at almost 9am and says they're going to have to 'let me go' b/c no one should call in sick within the first 90 days of employment(again, something that was never discussed and seems a bit unreasonable besides, b/c there are circumstances that do arise...such as puking my brains out!) and that I'm unprofessional at work and that I was logged off the system for over 10 minutes!!!! I went over the above with her for my own and K's defense, to which she replied that she wasn't going to argue!! with me about it and she would tell the Office Manager to have my check for these 2 days ready for me today and I could come pick it up or they could mail it to me. Well, I was sooo pissed off, I said mail it to me and hung up. I'm sick as a dog(where ever that expression came from) and on my period and I have to hear that I'm being unprofessional and that I'm basically a liar too! Now, I was going to try to stick this job out b/c it paid well, but I knew this woman J was going to be a problem to work with, so it is a blessing in disguise but still upsets me b/c I am extremely professional at work, and don't gossip or do personal phonecalls or lots of the crap that everyone else, including the supervisor but not me or K, does in that place. So it was a personal affront to me. So I called back and spoke with K to let her know that this woman J has so much pull in that office, that she had better watch out for her b/c she might lose her job next.
Anyway, this was really long, but it's upset me all day and other events today really hurt me and I felt realll bad, enough to think about suicide. But still here for now.
love to all
Hey hun!!
Im soo sorry I missed this last night too and I hope you are doing ok!!
*hugs