Co workers

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Co workers
1
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 8:52am
Hello,

I have a little situation at work that I am not sure how to deal with. A little over a year ago I began working for the company I am not now. There were about 40 employees at the time. I ended up in a department dominated by males.

I was friendly with everyone and usually stopped to chat with my coworkers throughout the day. My cubie was next to this guy Mike. Mike was funny and great and he helped me learn what I needed to know.

There was also this guy Steve, who was Mikes best friend. Steves father is also my boss and his mother works in another department. Steve and I became friends and the three of us decided that we should arrange a little "happy hour".

That following Monday Mike was in a horrible mood. Mike lives with another coworker, Samantha and her young son. I had never really talked to Sam because she had a more important job that I did and was always too busy to talk with. But I assumed that Mike asked her to join us, come to find out he didnt.

So now Sam is jealous. Well a few months pass and one night Steve and I met up for drinks and he tells me how he desires me and would like to get to know me better. Then he told me I needed to know the truth. Sam and Steve have a relationship and Mike and Sam have a relationship. YES THEY SHARE HER!

Well Steve and I began to date, meaning he pretty much told Sam she had to be his friend. This didn't go over well with Sam. She would go home every night and cry and cry. She was absolutely miserable.

Sam took me aside one day and told me she didn't think I was a good person and Steve couldn't be with me until she approved and I proved myself to her. She told me if I continued with Steve it would get ugly.

Well it did. It was so hard to come to work. Steve wouldnt talk to me until Sam was gone, Mike no longer talked to me because Sam told him he couldnt. A few other people picked up on the tension and stopped talking to me as well. I would sit in my cubie and cry.

Well a year later I have seperated myself from the 3 of them. I have my BF and we are happy and that is what matters. However in seperating myself from the 3 of them, I also seperated myself from my coworkers. For awhile I was so afraid of Sam that I would just sit by myself.

Well now I think that I will be happier if I got out and talked to my coworkers again. I feel that I do not know how or that they already think less of me and wont want to chat. I am very upset that Sam told me I wasnt good enough...It is also hard because some of the guys refuse to talk to me because their wives who DONT EVEN WORK here get jealous. It took me a long time to realize that I didnt have a problem and I shouldnt have to sit by myself

How do I get out there again?


Edited 5/18/2004 11:01 am ET ET by irishmoo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
In reply to: irishmoo
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 10:20pm
I think that's really crappy that the whole office turned against you over a relationship that involved only the four of you. That's super petty, especially from guys, who usually aren't the type. I don't have any suggestions on making people like you, or to stop jealousy from spreading. However, I can say that it might be better for you to move to another department or start somewhere new altogether. You would leave your awful experience behind you and would have a nice fresh start without worrying about other peoples' thoughts about you. I personally wouldn't have gotten involved with someone at work b/c you would still have to see them when it didn't work out and it does travel around the office, no matter how discreet. It's good that you have a new BF though.

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

hugs