*trigger* Girls from high school
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| Thu, 05-20-2004 - 9:35pm |
Ive been gone for a few days, but hopefully I will have some time tonight to read some posts and see whats been going on...I also want to say that I put trigger in my title because I dont want to hurt anyone...
Anyways, I was having a pretty good day. I don't know why. Maybe because for once I woke up not feeling tired, my hair didn't look like a mop and I wore an outfit everyone liked. I dont know, it felt nice to have a good day...
I have a fav motto -- All Good Things Must Come to an End.
I have to go to NJ next week for work and I wanted to get an outfit tonight since I had time. So I went to the mall and ran into one store. I walked into EXPRESS to see what they had for pants (I'm tall and they make decent pants that come in length). I saw this girl Mary working.
Mary was the most popular girl in high school. I'm not sure that everyone loved her, but everyone acted like they did. What Mary said, went. She was the class president, and if Mary wanted to hold a class functoin and only invite her friends then that was ok too. I was never asked out by one guy in my high school because I was on her "Not Cool" List.
Pretty much when I went to high school I didnt know how to dress, so that was one thing she had against me. Plus I was scared (social anxiety) so I didnt talk, which was another thing against me and by the end of 4 years I had left class rooms crying and had little self esteem because I wasn't Mary. I didnt go to my jr prom and only went to my sr prom to say that I went, and I wish I didnt. It shouldve been called Marys Prom becuase they played all her favorite songs and took no requests.
So anyways, 5 years since high school, I happen to see Mary working in EXPRESS tonight. I said Hello How are You? And began to look through the racks. She went about her business and I started to move through the store. She went up to the register and the other girl working joined her. I heard Mary say Look at that girl. I thought I was paranoid but sure enough when I looked up they were both looking at me. This was also 1/2 hour ago (9:00 pm) and the store was empty because it closes at 9:30. So I know they werent talking about someone else.
I quickly ran over to look at a display behind a wall so they couldn't see me. All I could hear was them laughing.
I didnt know what to do. Put my items back and run out of the store, try them on and decide to buy them or just buy them and get out. So I bought them and got out. Mary did the transaction and made conversation.
I WAS SOOO SCARED I WAS STUTTERING. I could see her making faces to the other girl when I talked. And some of her comments were insulting. She asked if I had a BF. I said YES, she said - Oh Not from town? I felt like she banned guys in our town from dating me. I said no from NY and she said he didnt move here for you did he?
I just dont get it. It is 5 years later and we are 23. Im so upset right now because Im crying over how this girl treated me in high school. I want to run away and leave everything behind so I can start over new in a brand new place where no one knows me. I just wanted to buy an outfit for work and now my happy little bubble has been popped.
Im afraid it will never end. She is obviously settling here and I am too. What happens when we have kids and they are in school together? Im just feeling like I am never good enough no matter how hard I try. I just want to be happy and it just never works out that way. Im never going to go back to EXPRESS again, I will drive 1/2 an hour to the other mall if I need stuff there.
I dont know...Im sorry this is long and Im rambling...
Maybe someone else has a story and can relate...
Thanks!!!
Abbey

((((((((((((((((((((((((Abby))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am soo sorry that this had to happen to you.
i know this is supposed to be a supportive and safe environment to say things, but, that just really bothered me. sorry.
Have you seen the movie Mean Girls that is out in theaters right now? You should. Mary is mean. She is nasty. Who still acts like they did in high school when they are 23? Who still works in Express 5 years later? The girl is STILL in high school. It's sad. I never could understand why some girls in high school were mean to other girls. I wasn't popular in high school either. I never was asked out by anyone from my school. I was shy at school as well. At one point I was sick of being a nerd, so I decided that if I was quiet and dressed normal, I was a nerd, but if I was quiet and dressed really classy, I would be considered stuck up. I decided that I would rather people think I was stuck up than a nerd. So I started to make it my business to dress as classy as possible. Joan Collins' character on Dynasty was my idol at the time (it was the 80's). I may not have ever been popular, but it was my way of taking my power back. My brother even told me at one point that he remembered the day I said I decided I was going to be classy, then suddenly I was! It took a lot of looking at magazines, shopping, and trying to mimic Joan Collins.
Since high school I've blossomed. It's taken me awhile to get over my shyness. I still feel that way when I walk into a room of people I don't know, though. I still get tongue-tied occasionally.
Just remember that people like Mary feel so badly about themselves that the only way they know how to feel good about themselves is to put other people down. It's sad, but that's their defense mechanism, just like mine was to dress nice so people would think I was not talking to them on purpose. I think it's funny that some girl who works at Express would think she was superior to anyone. Personally, if someone I saw from high school walked in on me working at Express five years later, I would have felt totally humilated. Express is where people work when that are IN high school, for goodness sakes. Nothing against Express, I"m just saying that she hadn't exactly excelled in life. She sounds like a super dork to me.
I also had a girl like that in high school. She decided that she hated me when we were freshmen. She told everyone not to talk to me. I didn't have a chance of even being peripherally popular after that. She ended up being the Prom queen. The funny thing was that one time when I was a senior someone I didn't know came up to me and told me that he was on the student council. He said that I had been nominated for homecoming queen, but that some girl on student council had taken my name off and put one of her friend's names on instead. I was so happy! I know what the girl did was mean, but I was just so happy that so many people knew who I was and liked me enough to nominate me. That was the coolest! I was so shy that I would have hated having to go up in front of the whole school at the rally, so I was fine with it not being public. It was just enough for me that I was nominated (what a cliche, huh?).
Maybe it's time to put that girl in her proper place in your life. She's mean, pathetic person who does nothing but spread pain. What a waste of a life. Let her live on in her little Express kingdom. And shop somewhere else so you don't have to deal with her. Chances are that your kids won't be the same age anyway.
All My Best,
MariaC
I always wonder why after all these years, and the 4 years of high school humiliation I dont have a thicker skin...
Hope everyone is having a great Friday :)
Hugs to all, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
Well, I'd have to agree eith everyone else who replied. Also, I think Mary probably was mortified to see you, this supposedly "loser" girl from high school, in an environment where she had to *serve* you!! Ha ha ha! What could be better than that?! I mean if you ran into her at the hospital and she was an oncologist or something, it wouldn't be as satisfying, but that's great!! Try to look at it that way. If she was looking at you and laughing, it was just because she was embarrassed and needed to find some way to make herself look good ("Well, she might be successful and pretty now, but you should've seen her in high school..."). So what? Who cares about high school? I know that you only graduated five years ago, and if you're only 23, then four years seems like a long time. I will have my 20th reunion this year--I'm 37--and I can tell you that high school is a teeny-tiny drop in the bucket. They were probably the best years of this girl's life, and they are over. As you say, all good things come to an end...but sooner for some. As for you, you haven't even reached your best years yet, and if they come when you're older, they last longer...honest! Just think, if you live to be 80, those four years are 5% of your life...FIVE PERCENT!!! That's nothing! It probably bothers you still b/c you are a very sensitive person, and that is a wonderful quality that she obviously doesn't have.
Take care of yourself, and just dwell on the fact that you were doing her a favour by shopping there...and I hope your trip is great.
Hugs~
Nicola
Mary is a cow...plain & simple.I actually hope & pray that the store was busy that day you popped in-at least we know the fool made some money that day & will be able to buy some food at the end of the month.....u see Abby after all these years of torture & hell Mary needs you more than u need her......You paying for her wellbeing!!
KUDOS TO U SWEETIE......
~SIMONE~
Edited 5/21/2004 2:28 pm ET ET by simonepar
I don't think she meant that everyone who works in retail is stupid. First of all, you are in management, aren't you? That's a job that requires many high-level skills, like hr, sales, organizing shifts, inventory, etc. You also menioned in another post that you earned more money doing that than you did working as a secretary, so you clearly have/had a responsible position. I think people are referring to a 23 y/o woman with no kids who has just a high school diploma and no ambition, which seems to be the case here. You are obviously not like that...Or else, we're all just a bunch of snobs, lol!
I didn't reply to your posts below, but I read them both a couple of days ago. I want to say first of all, that it must be very hard to resolve the issues that you're dealing with without a support system. I'm not sure that this is a good time to be making major decisions, like a career change, unless you're absolutely sure you want out of retail. You may feel happier if you feel more independent and are earning a good income again. It would also give you more options should you decide to leave.
Your husband's reaction to your decision to leave leads me to believe that he cares very much for you and is afraid of losing you. I would say to at least try some couples counselling and see how it goes. Maybe give yourselves a deadline--say end of the summer--to see an improvement. If you don't, you're out. You may also need counselling yourself. I don't know why he would think that would have a negative effect on him, but two of my friends have completed their PhDs and were total wrecks when their defenses came up. Maybe it was stress? If he is generally more supportive, then it is probably worth working on, so you can decide what to do before you have kids. I have found also that men tend to be very stressed about money and often want their wives to earn as much as possible. Maybe he feels insecure about money, or maybe he feels proud of your job and likes to tell people you're a manager--a lot of people get caught up in that stuff. If that's the case, it's his issue, not yours, and you still need to do what's right for you. That's what I did when I went p/t after we had kids, and my dh was totally against it at first. When he saw how much better/happier/more relaxed the family was, he saw my point. Sometimes, you really have to insist, but I know this is hard if you're not feeling good about yourself.
One more thing: I think your friend really cares about you very much. She is probably frustrated at not being able to help you more, and b/c she sees you being unhappy and wants you to get into a better situation. Maybe that's leaving your dh, maybe not, but I'm sure her reaction is coming from love.
Okay, I have to stop blabbing now! Hope you are doing better today.
~Nicola
My other point is that when I was in high school, working at the Express, the Limited, or Contempo Casual was considered a prestige job among high school students. But if someone had the same job they had in high school five years later, well that would be cause for embarrassment. ESPECIALLY BY HIGH SCHOOL VALUES, which is what this girl clearly has. I agree with the posts that said that this girl was in the position of having to serve someone she wanted to feel superior to. I also agree that it would be really helpful to send a letter of complaint to the president of the company. This girl needs to learn that there is no place for her nasty behavior in the service industry. Talking to a customer like that would have gotten someone fired at Nordstrom.
MariaC
I am sorry Rebeccalynn,