Something Really Upset Me **Triggers**

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Something Really Upset Me **Triggers**
8
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:13am
PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF RAPE OR MOLESTATION TALK BOTHERS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay...where to start.

I went to see Monster last night with some co-workers who I also consider friends. I don't know how many of you have seen the movie.

The main character is a prostitute and she ends up getting raped at the beginning of the movie. I can't even type out what he did to her, because it just upset me so much.

Anyway, I just about had to leave the theater. I got all panicky, I was having a little bit of an anxiety attack. I couldn't cry because I was at the theater-but I was so upset.

Now, my sister was sexually abused by my mom's dad. But I have no recollection of anything happening to me. BUT....I don't remember anything about my childhood. Partially because I think I may have blocked alot of it due to my mom being an alcoholic. But I am VERY uncomfortable with sex - even with my ex with whom I had dated for seven years. I get really uncomfortable when a sex scene comes on t.v.

What do I do? I am not sure if I have told my pdoc about this yet. I have only seen him three times. But I have seen two other pdocs, and some therapists and they all say that if you can't remember it then they no longer try to bring those memories up.

I got home from the movie and I kept having nightmares all night.

I am still really upset about this.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:04am
Pam, I try to stay away form movies like that. I have a history ( one incident ) of molestation from when I was 15. I was one of the lucky ones. It only happened once. I never told anyone until my husband. I understand the panicky feeling. I also get so zoned out on it. I can't pull myself away ( out of) it. Then I have the nightmares for awhile. Guess I better go I am finding myself wanting to tell my story and I don't need the nightmares right now. Take care Just wanted to let you know you weren't alone.

Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:12am
Oh Hunny

Sometimes when we see somemthing that is so graphic and discriptive it makes us feel uncomfortable and self aware...

Maybe something did happen to you when you were a child my best friends states that she was molested as a child and those memories did not surface until a few years ago and now she is in a group therapy for it but it only lasts for like 2 months and that is it...

I would definatly talk with your p-doc about what you are feeling and what you think may have happened to you, I know for me my pdoc and therapist didnt want to bring up my past with my father because it hurts too much for me to talk about it and I also know what my issue with him is but in your case i WOUD TALK ABOUT IT sorry for the caps lock didnt mean to hit that button...

hun you need to talk about this and get to the bottom of things for your own good..

I am sorry if I am not making a bunch os sense today taking those muscle relaxers and they are making me a tad bit spacey....

you are in my thoughts

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:59am
Thanks Brenda and Erin!!

Brenda - if you should ever feel the need to talk, I would be more than willing to listen. You can email me through my profile if you need to okay??

Pamela

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Avatar for mumontherun
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:02pm
(((((Pamela)))))

I used to feel that way, too, and didn't know why, and then I remembered being raped at a very young age. I also lhave pretty much no memories of my childhood, probably b/c it was pretty crappy. When my memories started coming out, it was during a yoga class (apparently, this is not uncommon--it is due to body memories than certain poses may bring up). Then, I began to have flashbacks and nightmares. After that, I did hypnosis with my psych b/c I was freaking out.

I think that psychs are now very careful not to implant memories, so they don't do any regression until you know something and want the details. Also, the reason we block things out is b/c we aren't ready to deal with them; when we are, they will come up on their own.

All that said, there's no way to know if you have repressed memories or not. Maybe you do, or maybe the fact that this happened to your sister is upsetting enough. Just know that if you do have repressed memories, you can force them out; they will appear when you are ready.

I hope this helps a bit. I can't watch "A Clockwork Orange" b/c the near-rape scene at the beginning just makes me feel literally sick. Take care of yourself and do what you need to feel good.

~Nicola

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:18pm
Thanks Nicola!

I was raised in a family that DID NOT TALK ABOUT SEX. Plus I pretty much raised myself. So I am just messed up all around.

I have heard that - about your mind repressing things for a reason. And I guess it makes sense.

Thanks for the response.

Pamela

Hey....are you from Cda?? So am I!!! I live in Manitoba.

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Avatar for simonepar
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:42pm
I saw that movie a while back & it is pretty intense & downright vicious.I have a close friend who recently went trough similar trauma...she always told me about this nagging feeling.Then one day whist driving she saw this familiar face...the image just popped into her head.She arrived home & got her mom on the phone..turns out that they use to stay over at this man's place when younger & that he was an old family friend........she broke down & confessed to her mom.Apparently the mom suspected all along but after 20 years there's hardly anything you can do.Well my bud saw a therapist for 2 sessions & then decided to deal with it on her own.It turns out that he tried similar behaviour with her younger siblings but failed........that "animal" is now suffering a terminal disease & is breathing his last breaths.......in a way it's done her the world of good finding all the answers & knowing that she WAS NOT CRAZY OR ABNORMAL for having this innate fear-it also explained her low self esteem & loathing of sexual activities.As friends we can only listen,dry the tears & provide neverending moral support cause as a mother of 4 young children I would hate that fate to await my children.

Good luck to you both in dealing with your inner demons but even this too shall pass....

~Simone~

Avatar for mumontherun
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Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:50pm
I'm in Montreal! *waving*
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:10pm
Awesome!! I live in a small town in Manitoba. After I asked that, I read your profile.

Pamela

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