please help - triggers
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please help - triggers
| Thu, 05-27-2004 - 12:41am |
you guys, i am really scared right now. i am so depressed- i know i said i was feeling better before and i was and i was getting to thinking more positively but today i just kept slipping into depression more and more- i went through the stage where i didn't want to get out of bed this morning and then i just wanted to go back to sleep. then i tried to do stuff- i talked to people and thought i was ok- some stuff came up that bothered me but nothing that should trigger this. i checked my perscription bottle and saw that i have missed 6 pills of my prozac this month. i have been bad about that for awhile though- years even- because of my stomach and i have to eat a full meal to take my pill- and i am usually not this bad. i am supposed to get my period soon and sometimes my hormones make me funny. i just sat there crying and holding my teddy bear like i was a little girl or something. i thought it would help to cry, but it didn't. my chest hurts- like my heart- and i am nauseous i am so upset. i just don't know how to make my life work right now and everything i am trying is not going the way i want it to. i still don't know how that is making me in so much pain. i hurt so bad right now i feel like something awful just happened. it is too late to call anyone- but i already called a close friend and i called my boyfriend twice. i guess it is probably better that he didn't answer- i know i would really scare him the way i am right now. i am not myself. the "bad" thoughts are even coming into my head- don't worry, i WON'T hurt myself. you guys, i don't know why i feel like this, and i want it to go away. i can't even tell most people the extent or they would freak out or at the least not understand or something. i don't know what i need, but i need something to make me feel better. thanks for listening and being good friends.

I dont know if maybe its the lack of consistence of taking pills that is making you feel this way but it could be a possibility. Dont worry, I have a teddy bear too and sleep with him every night. When I am sad I also hug him. Keep on talking to people, writing and doing things that can help take your mind off of how you are feeling. Sounds like you are overwhelmed with your feelings. Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better. I know it will look up for you.
I suggest you draw a picture. When I was really depressed I used to draw a picture of a heart with the letter "D" (for: depression) and it was sad and crying (with a face and arms and legs). Then I would draw a pic beside it of the "D" heart and another heart smiling with the letter "H" on it (I think it was an H for happiness, but choose a letter that represents a goal you have). Then a pic with the "H" heart embracing the "D" heart. Last I would draw the "D" heart as happy. It sounds so silly but seriously it helped tonnes because I saw my heart being healed on paper.
If you try it let me know, HUGS HUGS take care
I wish I had something profound to say, but I don't...I'm in a blue mood myself right now...
Just know that it passes!!! Your hormones are going batty, and the missed doses aren't helping things...
Try and go for a walk or something...it might help.
Sorry, wish I was more helpful, but I'm struggling to stay out of bed myself today...
(((HUGS)))
Tracie
Hey there Honey,
Right at this moment I am sending you the biggest hug that I have...and A ton of positive thoughts and vibes I hope that you can feel those also..................
When I am feeling really down I write ALOT it helps m to sort out what is going on in my head and granted it doesnt make sense to anyone that reads what I am writting I understand it and I am able to place things around and get to the root of the evil in my brain have you tried doing that it may help...
I also think that the missed doses of the prozac probalb y also braught all this on you I know that when I have missed a does of my neurontin it sends me in a tail spin I get so moody sometimes manicy but mostly angry well that is my manic side I am not a hppay manic which sucks but I do get the energy bursts which is great but anyways...
As for the period coming on thing I dont know what to say there I do not get PMS or any of that stuff I guess I am lucky in that area...
I am glad to hear that you will not hurt yourself trust me you do not want me to fly to chicago and hunt you down to make sure you are okay.....
I am sure your boyfriend would try to understand where you are coming from he knows about your depression right? try to relax a bit draw a hot bath with some lavender in it light some scented candels pepermint is awesome to revitalize you or there is this lavender spray that is awesome spray it on your pillows and bed clothes and it helps you to relax while in bed....
is it sunny in chicago right now? if so go out into the sunshine and soak it in the vitamin D is so good for you and the sun always makes so so happy....
I know that you are trying to move forward with your career sometimes the things that are perfect for us dont come right away and we have to wait a bit for them to find us I believe in that in all aspects of life and yes I am impatient but if I have no choice in the waiting game then I guess I just have to wait...I am sure soon that things will start to look up with the acting and everything else....
I also understand that money is a huge stressor for me and I know for you also it can make or break us when it comes to our moods I know that when money is tight or too many bills come in at once I freak out but I just figure out something someway to get it all settled without loosing my phone or my insurance or any of those things.....I know that it is so hard to not be stressed I know all that you are going thru bt try just a little to smile maybe just a msirk do whatever you can must you will feel better in no time.....
oh ya I wanted to tell you I was at Yale hospital over the weekend and I was talking to a doctor and I mentioned your condition but not you direcly and he was telling me that yale new haven hospital has one of the best doctors for your condition in the country....I just wanted you to know that maybe they could help you with your stomache....
Homey I wish that there was something more I could do for you like wiggle my nose or wave a magic wand or something to make the hurt go away ...
I know for me when I am feeling really really low my whole body hurts right to my finger tips I think what it is ...is the way we feel on the inside is projected to the outside I dont know if I am wording it right or not but when we hurt so bad inside our hearts our body hurts too I know that is how I get sometimes...
But anyways I am giving you huge hugs
and you know I am always there for you when you need me.
Erin
thank you guys SO much. last night, i was about to go to sleep and my brother (who never calls me) called after midnight because he was feeling the same way. isn't that weird? anyways, i am still not my best, but doing better this morning. it looks like it is sunny out, so i am going to go out in a little bit and enjoy it. good suggestion! thanks for thinking about me at yale erin- that is great to know and i will definitely remember that. idreamy, i will try the drawing- i think i will paint today too maybe that will help. thanks guys- i just wanted to write and say that.