Does anyone feel the same as me?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Does anyone feel the same as me?
9
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 11:53pm
Hello. So far Im the only one I know who feels this way all the time..I always have known someone who I wished I could be, or be more like. I read my journals the other day and noticed that ever since I was a lot younger, there was someone in my life (friend, peer, etc) who I wished I could be. I already knew this before I read the journals but it was so painfully obvious when I read them.

I still feel this way. I know someone in my life who I wish I was. I have never liked myself or my personality. There is one thing that I hope no one tells me..is that everyone thinks other people have better lives but they dont. Please dont tell me that! I know that but I still feel this way. I have tried tactics to change it and it doesnt help. Im living in the past and cannot break free no matter what.

So my question is, do you feel the same as me? I would love to meet someone this way because then I wont feel so alone. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 3:21am
I can't say that I've felt my whole personality and person as a whole needs to completely change. I'm sorry that you really don't like yourself, any of it, that you wish you were another person you know altogether. I do relate to the past, I spend more time in it than is best for me; I'm working on just learning from it and taking those experiences into my future knowledge. Sometimes I wish I was LIKE my friend back home, but only for certain things--she's outgoing, has tons of friends, working on getting her crap together for life ahead, has lost 4 sizes in a year! But I can't think of a single person in my life, or who has touched my life, that I would want to be instead of me.

I know this isn't the response you were looking for, but felt I had to comment at least.

hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 9:33am
You bet I do. And way too much! It seems like on a daily basis I see someone I wish I could be. I look back on my journals and do the same. Wrong, I know too, but just can't help myself. It's a vicious circle. So I'm with you on this one!

Chris


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 10:50am
hey sweetie- i totally have felt that way! it was strongest when i was younger- there was always one little girl who i would fantansize about trading places with. i still do it now, but not as much with one particular person- i just look at people where i want to be and get jealous- but no one in particular. you know how i think i broke the habit? i have a story- please don't think it falls into the category of what you were saying you didn't want to hear- i totally don't mean it to be. there was this girl- laurie- it started in 6th grade- i thought she was so perfect and i wished i was her- i remember being jealous of everything down to her perfect blonde straight hair (mine is dark brown and naturally curly) and i wanted to be her. for years, i would watch the cutest, coolest boys drool over her and i would just want to trade places. when we graduated from high school, she had turned trashy- she didn't look great anymore and she acted trashy. i went off to college and she got pregnant by a drug dealer who got 2 other girls pregnant as well and ignored all of them. and once she was a mother, she started leaving her child to party and do drugs-which she did when she was pregnant too. she went from the girl everyone whispered about because they admired her to the girl everyone talked about behind her back and made fun of. i don't enjoy this story- i know how hard this must have been/be for her and i don't wish anything bad on her. it was just my wakeup call that no one is perfect.

another interesting tidbit: when i was younger and i was wishing i was other people, i found out later that there were multiple people wishing they were me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 12:47pm


I still get that way most of the time.....I have nevr been my biggest fan to be honest with you...but as I am getting older I am begining to see that I do not have to fantasize about being someone else because I am okay just as myself....

I look at my friends and some of them are very exotic looking with long beautiful curly hair and big huge beautiful eyes and very cute little figures and they just stand out in a crowd and then there is me I am short kinda dont stand out that is why I colored my hair I needed to have that something different to make me feel good...

But anyways I also look at friends that have someone in their life or who have these amazing jobs and wish I were them but then when I take a step back I see that most of the time I am happier than they are that my life is more together than theirs that I am less stressed then they are ect.....

Remember just because everyone seems better off than you doesnt mean that they are looks can be so decieving..

Learn to love yourself trust me on that one I am the rainng queen on self hatred but I am learning and in no time I hope I will be there and will be able to look at me and like what I see looking back at me ...

Hope I was of help..

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:16pm
I don't recall wanting to be anyone else specifically, but I have always wanted to be someone other than me. I can't recall ever liking myself. "They" always say you have to like yourself for others to do so, which I don't really understand, cause my husband likes me! and I have quite a few friends... but I don't see what they see in me. Heck, even my therapist likes me! LOL! She says she looks forward to our sessions... But I just don't get it.

My biggest problem is hating my appearance. I guess others see what's inside of me. I'm too hung up on my outside.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm listening.

Hugs, Lee Anne

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 3:49pm

Michelle,


I know what you are going though.

~Jessica
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 6:20pm
You know, I think everyone feels this way at some time in their life. I have always had people in or around me that I looked up to and thought I would like to "be like them". Is there anything that you do like about yourself? Something that you could concentrate on? There must be a few things that you can come up with that are positive...like your ability to connect with others. Thinking of you and knowing there is something that I owuld like about you!

Julie
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 11:36am
Hello everyone and thank you for your replies. The only thing I sort of like about myself is that I can be funny...but I even dont entirely like that because I think Im goofy/funny and not attractive funny if that makes sense. I dont think anyone has ever wished they were me, I can gaurantee that. I want everyone to like being themselves but it would be nice if it was different for once. I especially dont like how I look at all. Anyhow Id like to continue to work on it. It is the most difficult thing in the world to learn to like being myself as I have been trying everyday for my whole life. Good luck Me :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 1:18pm
Oh my gosh, I used to always want to be other people! I wanted to trade places with other girls so much growing up. There was one girl I knew when I was 7 and 8. She went to my church. Her dad was a developer and she seemed so rich and loved to me! I was poor and one of 5 kids, just lost in the crowd. I was also severely abused. Carolee was beautiful, well-dressed, outgoing, rich, and confident. I wanted to be her so badly!!!! I could tell you stories. Ironically, just last December I found out that her dad was selling people all kinds of property that he didn't own, from California to Texas. He went to jail for 10 years! I never knew that happened to her. I know you don't want to hear that other people's lives aren't perfect, but the fact is that everyone is messed up.

There are still people whose qualities I envy. People who have a lot of energy, who seem to see the positive in everything and welcome change and even situations that would break my heart. I wish I had those qualities or that ability. I don't want to be other people anymore.

What I've tried to do over the years is incorporate the things I liked and envied in other people into myself. I heard at one point that seeing something you admire in someone else means that you have the potential for that in yourself. I didn't believe it, but I think that it's true.

I used to have people envy me sometimes. I don't think anyone has in a long time, though. I'm so open about my struggles that I don't think anyone lives under the delusion that I've got a perfect life!

I heard a couple of years ago that we compare our insides with other people's outsides. That was really big for me. I have always compared myself negatively to others. But most people hide their problems. They put on a big front. Like my sister, who is rich and has everything that she's ever wanted. She puts on these huge parties and sends out cards and pictures of her perfect family. Blah, blah, blah. She is such a nasty, miserable person. She constantly fights with her husband. But I know that most people she knows think is so sweet, fun, and lucky. I swear, when someone else would come into the room, her whole personality would change. She is so fake! She would go from screaming and cussing to being so enthusiastic and funny. It's a big show for her. I got so tired of being screamed at by her that I stopped talking to her completely. I haven't missed her once since then.

I've seen people's dual personalities too often to think that we ever know what's really going on with other people. When I decided to leave my first husband my friends were shocked, upset, and mad at me. They said they thought I had the perfect relationship. They had based their relationships on my marriage! I had a crummy marriage. Really bad. We hadn't even slept in the same room for more than 6 months. We barely even spoke. But I never talked about the bad stuff with my friends out of respect for him. So they thought there was no bad stuff! They never forgave me for leaving him. I realize that I probably should have been honest with my friends, but I was ashamed at how bad my marriage was. I didn't want them thinking less of my husband because I had planned to stay with him.

I think that there is always something we can learn from other people. But no one has that perfect life or perfect personality. I used to be so shy. Slowly, I've learned to be outgoing. Now people I know can't believe I used to be an introvert. It's possible to gain the qualities that you admire in other people. I think that it helps to let other people's good qualities inspire us. That can be hard to do. I've changed envy into inspiration before.

It can sometimes be fun to fantasize about a Freaky Friday type body change. I fantasize about going back in time and changing my past decisions. I know that the healthy thing is to learn from my mistakes and move on. But I find it fun to escape into a dream that I could use magic to erase the mistakes completely. It can't happen. But as long as you don't let those fantasies make you miserable about your current life, I think it's OK just to imagine escaping your life.

That's my two cents,

MariaC