going to see doc on tuesday very scared!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
going to see doc on tuesday very scared!
6
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 12:25pm
Hey ladies,

I know that it is saturday and it is the weekend so I do not really expect to get any responce to this post...

I go to see the neurologist this tuesday June 1, 2004 I am excited to finally get my results but scared also because what if the results dont show anything or they are bad if they dont show anything wrong with me then there is nothing that can be done about the headaches and that will leave me so frustrated and if they come back bad well that will leave me freaking out so eather way I wont be happy ...

I have to be honest this has all left me with a new outlook on things with my uncle being so sick and my aunt having a heart attack and me with the blood work and the MRI on my brain it has made me really take stock of my life and I can laready see chnges in myself...

So in a way all of this happening has been a good thing for me

how so well it has made me realize tht I have to start to live again rather than hide form the world that if I want things to happen I have to at times grab the bull by the horns and make it happen for me.

It helped me go on the not so successful date but at least I went I didnt hide from it and cancel out on him.

It made me get the nerve to tell Jason that I do care for him but I am not going to play by his rules but my own rules and that if he wants to see me again then he has to call me at a normal hour and we have to see one another on a normal basis none of this one in the morning crap...he told me some nice things about myself and I told him that he didnt know what he was missing out on and that he would see it when I wasnt around anymore that he needed to see what was right in front of him..ect...so we shall see what happens with that and if nothing happens then I know that he was not worth it in the first place..

It has also made me not worry too much about what I look like my best friend told me the other day that she has noticed that I dont call myself fat anymore and that me working out in moderation has made me look better than when I was working out 2 hours a day 7 days a week that I have more muscle that I am more defined ect...she thiinks that it is great that I do not pck myself apart she also noticed that I do not ask her 500 times if I look okay or it I look fat or any of those things that I used to say about myself..

I just figured that my life is too short to sit and worry about if my hair is too flat or is my belly is bloated which happens sometimes due to my lack of a galbladder, so every once in a while I look pregnant because of the lack of being able to process food properly...so that is why I stay away from alot of food because I can not process it..

but all of this stress had made me realize that I can eat food that I like but not over do it..it has made me see and actually I looked at myself in the mirror the other day I really looked at myself and I told myself all these great things

1)that I have beautiful green/brown eye

2) I have great legs

3)I have a nice smile

4)that I have a pretty face

5)that I am a good person

6)that i have a big heart

7) a good soul

8) that I am able to love and be loved

9) I have a eautiful son who is so warm and loving smart and sweet and me having him live with his dad was the best thing I could have ever done for him no matter what anyone else says I did right by my baby boy

10) and my abs kick some serious butt now....;)

11) I am worthy of love I am worth y of myself I am worthy of happiness and I am not a monster.

Okay I think I made this long enough and I am sure that you all got the point a long time ago.

Thanks to all taht read this

wish me luck on tuesday I will post as soon as I get back from the doctor with my results...

I love you all and am lucky to have you all

have a great weekend

Erin
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 1:45pm
Erin,

I'm so happy for you! That's an amazing realization, Sweetie. I am blown away by all of the growth you have gone through this past year. I hope that you copy that post you wrote and print it out to remind yourself of your realizations. It's important to keep validating new insights and reinforcing them for yourself.

You can't imagine how happy it makes me to read your post. You deserve to know how wonderful, beautiful, and capable you are. Give yourself tons of kudos for everything you've done for yourself. It is truly magnificent!

Love,

Maria

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 2:54pm

Erin, that is terrific!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 3:26pm




((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Erin))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I totally understand that you would be scared of the results of your tests.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 6:51pm
Oh, Erin! I have only known you such a short time, and I am very happy at the progress I saw in your post. I wish I could feel that way about myself. Try not to be scared over the weekend, that can wait for the drive to the dr's and the waiting room. After such a post, you deserve to be cheerful and joyous this weekend!

Much love and hugs to you!
Avatar for mumontherun
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 7:41pm
What a wonderful post Erin! I hope you will print this out and read it when you feel down. It is great that you are seeing the brighter side of life, and realizing that you deserve a man who will treat you like a queen, not some "little bit on the side" that he can see only when it suits him. And any mother who puts her child's needs before her own is a loving and caring one. You did what was best for your son, even though it must have hurt terribly.

I am so glad that you are feeling so good, and I am sending you lots of good thoughts for Tuesday. Whatever you find out, your life will only get better from here, I am sure of it.

Hugs, Nicola

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 9:09pm
Hi Erin,

Just read your post and it was amazing...I am so glad that you can see all the wonderful things about yourself...hang in there over the weekend and try to keep busy and get outside as much as possible. You will be able to handle whatever comes your way.

Thinkign of you

Julie