Back again - triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Back again - triggers
3
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 8:54am
Hi. I posted here several weeks ago and about my relationship with my fiance who suffers from depression. We have had a few issues come up that we need to deal with in our relationship - lack of communication, job related stress and the fading spark between us. I have become increasingly stressed about work and began relying on him. He's been wonderful but lately he's said he has nothing left to give. We both reached a point where we were just drained. We've talked about a few things and I feel like I have my emothional 'strength' back. Communication is difficult though. I'm not the most talkative person and he's often too down or just in a bad mood after a long day and doesn't want to talk. He did start improving last week but it's hard to tell what it will be like when I come home from work. I want to get a part time job in addition to helping him part time at his business. I think it would help him and improve our relationship at the same point. It just feels like we're floundering right now and it's a little scary. I'm going to see if I can track down the Depression Fallout book. Thanks for reading.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 11:39am
HAve you guys been on an official date lately? Maybe that will help you two to connect again. Try one night per week for a date, and take the time to talk about fun stuff and just be together and enjoy the company. I hope everything will work out. All the best HUGS
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 12:15pm
Is your fiance in therapy? Has he considered taking antidepressants, or at least trying the herb SAM-e, which is available in most health food stores? My cousin had amazing results with SAM-e. It lifted almost all of his lifelong depression. But others I've recommended it to haven't had the same results. I think it depends on the person.

I recently recommended a book on male depression to someone on this board, but I don't know if it was you or not. It's called "I Don't Want to Talk About It: The Secret Legacy of Male Depression" by Terrence Real. It's an amazing book! I highly recommend it for both you and your fiance.

It's hard for men to reach for help with depression. They usually think they have to handle it on their own. But it has a very high cure rate with antidepressants and Cognitive Behavior Therapy, used together. Exercise also has incredible results on depression.

Remember that the partner of a depressed person often gets pulled down into the quagmire of depression after enough time with the other person. Be careful and take good care of yourself. Getting a part-time job that you enjoy could help you have outside experiences that keep your mood up.

Good Luck,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 1:03pm
Can you tell me more MariaC? I didn't know that partners of depressed people often get pulled into depression themselves. Lately, that's the way I've been feeling. How do I avoid that? Right now, I have a full time job I dislike and I tried leaning on my fiance but he is also at the breaking point. I've felt so needy and insecure lately which isn't like me at all. He has always been very supportive but when I finally broke down last week he said he's given me everything he can but that it doesn't seem to be enough. That's what triggered my realization at how down I was feeling. Another thing that I'm trying to figure out . . . we're engaged and have been for about 9 months now. Why has he suddenly developed an issue with my communication skills? I mean I've never been a real chatty person but I don't know if that's changed during the course of our relationship or not and I'm not sure how to improve it. Thanks!