Having closure on past relationship

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Having closure on past relationship
4
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 3:47pm
Hey there, I have a question for you all. I was wondering..if you were in a relationship about 5 years ago and it only lasted a bit over a month, and you knew the person for a total of about 3 months, which ended by you stopping taking his calls altogether for personal reasons, and the person never knew why you stopped taking his calls but the relationship really touched your life, and you want to find his address so you can write to him and explain as well as apologize despite the fact that it is ancient history, would you find his address and write to him for closure?

As you have probably guessed, I am in this situation where I have never forgotten this person and would like to write to him because I still regret the way I ended the relationship. I just want to apologize and have some kind of closure because I dont think I have ever had closure on it despite the fact that it was a brief relationship. Thanks for your input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 10:22am
That's a tough call b/c you don't know what situation he is in now. Is this going to make him feel better or you feel better, or both, or none? I guess those are the logical questions. If it were me and it bothered me that much, I would probably try to find a e-mail for him. A personal letter may cause problems at home if he is involved with someone else. I know in the past I have had old b/f's come up to me and apologize for being an ass. That made me feel good. In fact, several years ago I ran into my high school b/f and we had a nice chat. It was nice to know there were no hard feelings. He died two years ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 1:35am
i think you should totally do it- especiallt if it is really only closure you are looking for. i have had multiple guys that i dated for a short time and thought about it because it was unsettling the way it ended. i was lucky enough to actually get closure from a few. there is still one that i dated for a few months in college that i wonder about- not at all that i want to date him- i just feel weird because i really liked him as a person and feel weird just ending it and never talking to him again. if that makes sense. i am a huge fan of closure- i think it is important. my mom still talks about boyfriends from back in the day that ended weird and she needed closure. that's why i always just go for it. i think you should too- it could help you close that chapter. good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:26am


I would think about the situation before you go jumping into it...

like if he has a girlfriend or is married stuff like that because you do not want to cause a prolem for him on the home front like one of the other posters said...

As for closure I am also all for it sometimes we need to do that in order to move onwith our lives I do it now often but when something is really nagging me....but I never do it to try to get back together with someone I made that mistake once with my sons father and boy did it blow up in my face he basically told me that I will always have a small place in his heart because of our son but I know that space doesnt exist anymore and I value his friendship it took me a long time to be able to talk with him again after that happened out of me being embarrased but anyways...

I just did the colure thing yesterday one of the guys I dated for like 3 years never a committment or anything just dating well I finally gave up waiting for him and moved on with my life he professed that he loved me ect..but it was too late we became friends and he got mad at me and I didnt know why so I emailed him yesterday an he explained why he was mad and I feel so much better I can close that door now he could not handel being my friend and thats okay...

So ya I would do it but email him like the other poster said do not send hima letter email is best and I wish you the best with this keep us posted on what you do..

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 3:47pm
WRITE THAT LETTER! I wish I would have on a past relationship of mine. I still don't have closure on it. But a long time ago, a guy a was dating, and we were doing great) just up and said see ya. About almost a year later he wrote me a letter apologizing and explaining because he had felt awful for all that time. Actually it made me feel much much better. I was able to know what went wrong and that it wasn't me, which is what I kept dwelling on. I agree with one of the other posts to make sure he isn't married! That could cause a problem. Don't know! If so, write a letter and just keep it in a safe place for you. Alot of times just writing it down can be very helpful!

Hope I can help and I'm here for you!

LOL,

Chris


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