Needing to vent - triggers
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Needing to vent - triggers
| Tue, 06-01-2004 - 9:08pm |
I am new to this board, but I thought that I would give it a try as nothing else I do seems to work. I don't even know where to start really. I have been in and out of therapy for many years, been on many different medications, all to no avail. I really don't know what else to do. The depression I have been under lately is the heaviest it has EVER been; I cry for what feels like hours at a time, and when I'm not crying I feel too tired to get out of bed. In the last 18 months I have lost virtually everything to this depression. I lost my job, after being there two and a half years, then my car and my home were next. I moved in with someone I thought was my friend, I opened my heart to her; I told her parts of my life that I have never spoken about to anyone - not even therapists - and she turned on me, called me a liar and told me to leave. Now I am staying with my grandmother, which is difficult because we are from two different worlds, but I am grateful that she lets my son and I stay here. I have tried to find a job, but there isn't anything out there right now. I have been on disability for a year because of this bout with depression. A part of me thinks that there is something so much deeper going on with me, like there is something fundamentally wrong with me. I feel so helpless, so weak and bad. I want to believe in something again, I want to feel better, even a little bit. This is all so frustrating to me because I know I am not a stupid woman, but I don't know how to get out of this. Everything I used to do, I am too tired and weak for now. I try to force myself to do things, to get out of the house, to visit friends. I suppose in a nutshell what I am saying is that I don't know what else to try and I am in DESPERATE need of suggestions. I am on medication now (dr. just changed the dosages this morning) and I see a therapist as well, but I lose my footing in between every session. Sometimes I feel like the only safe place is in my therapists office. Any help and/or suggestions would be so much appreciated!! There is one thing I know for sure - this is real and I am not just feeling sorry for myself, the pain came before the losses.

Welcome to the board (((((((((((((((((((godsangel1103))))))))))))))
It is so hard sometimes to keep going when it feels like every step forward means you lose two or three steps.