Sorry To Complain

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sorry To Complain
6
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 10:45pm
I'm not in a good place right now. I have been feeling a little better and I always think that this time it's going to stay. I guess that just makes me feel worse when the depression gets bad again.

I saw my new therapist for the third time today. I'm just not sure if it's going to work. She is very into metaphors and so very professional. Isn't there something inbetween the great friendly therapist I just left (because we didn't really DO anything for 4 years!!) and this new one who seems rather impersonal??

I leave very early Thursday morning for a week with some friends in Boston. I am not nearly ready because I have no energy. Then I really messed up last night and it spilled into today! I spent a few hours in the beauty salon. Not what I had planned for today.

My hair is a very pretty shade of red, a light red with natural blond strands running thru it.People come up to me and comment about it all the time. However, it has begun to just kind of fade. Still no white or grey---just fading away. So I decided to dye it and try to liven it up. What a disastor!!! It came out very dark red and looked so harsh around my face. I called a friend, she said go buy a lighter shade and it would fix it. YEP_--you guessed it. It made it even worse. I went to the salon and had it 'fixed'. It cost me $97!!!! It's still darker than my color and still looks a bit harsh---but my beautician has assured me it will soften a bit with washings. She also made me promise never to do it myself again! She has always told me that I would never be able to duplicate my color----and boy was she right!! So for now, it's darker red than it should be, but it has a lot of cool looking highlights in it and I know when I get use to seeing myself in the mirror---I may even begin to like it a little.......

So, I'll try to stop focusing on my hair and focus on feeling better again. Suicidal feelings are very strong----but I'm positive I won't do anything before my trip! I have too much money already invested! :) I see my pdoc the day after I get back and I guess if I'm not feeling better I'll let him send me to the hospital where they can play with meds again.

Sorry this is so long----Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: flute54
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 1:29am
oh, big hugs!!! don't apologize for complaining silly! when i first started going to therapy, i went through (over years) i think 7 therapists before i found the right one. and some of them were REALLY bad (like the one when i was in middle school who told my abusive father that i told her about the abuse and that's all she did- can you guess where that got us with therapy? all i'll say is that i sat there all bruised and never told her anything again!) eventually i got this guy who was amazing and helped me so much. and even a therapist who isn't perfect but isn't terrible can be a good ear.

about your hair, i think it is a woman's right of passage or something to give themself a home bad hair dye job. and surprisingly, it can cost a lot more to fix! my hair was really messed up last year and they were going to charge me $250! (luckily for me i bartered with another salon and it worked out) it's always weird when your hair is a new color- even when it looks great. i just dyed my hair back to it's natural color this year and i looked at it in the mirror and thought i looked like a freak! now i love it!

don't be sad- this trip sounds fun. enjoy and focus on the cool things you are going to do. have a great time and feel better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: flute54
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:13am




Hi Deb!


Sorry you not getting along with your new Therapist.. I know a different style is hard but maybe if you give into the words she is saying rather then how she is saying them it will help.. Some people are just not as outgoing as others.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: flute54
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:52am
Thanks to both of you for your words of support and encouragement. My hair is still too dark this morning. I guess I was hoping a miracle would happen while I slept!! I am hoping that with my new therapist things will become a bit more relaxed after she and I know each other a little better. I wish my pdoc would just let me talk to him. He usually sits back and just talks for a few minutes of each visit and I get more out of those few minutes than I do the entire 50 with my past and present therapists!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: flute54
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:32am
Big hugs to you debbie,

Sorry I didnt reply sooner I only have a computer at work so this is the only time I get to read posts...

Okay the hair thing I agree with Voguegirl it is a right of passage for a woman to dye her hair at home and have it come out totally different than what we expected...one time I coloredmy hair and it came out pink yes PINK,,,very bright pink I was so upset so I washed it like 3 times in the same day which helped a bit but not much so I wore it up for a week until the color toned down...try to not worry about that after a few washings it will fade I just colored my hair blondish brown with some really light blonde highlights nd it took me a week to get used to what I looked like at first I hated it now I love it and plan to keep it for a while...

With your therapist I got lucky my first time around with Marnie she is great but my pdoc I didnt like him all too much I felt that he was not listening to me so I went on a hunt for a new pdoc and they were not as good as he is I would give your new therapist a try maybe she just has a different approach to things, I was told to not think of your therapist as your friend because that wont help you in any way shape or form they are not there to tell you that you are always right and that is what I was expecting when I first started to go last year I was so wrong...give her a chance and if after a few more sessions you just are not feeling it then look for a different one...it is important to have a connection with your therapist I remember when I went into the hospital Marnie was the first person that I called and she helped me through the ordeal I was petrified all I did was cry but because she was there for me it was not too bad...

As for the suicidal thoughts try to think positive maybe this trip is what you need to feel better again....just hold on your life has more value than you think..

We are all here for you hun.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: flute54
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 11:40am
Debbie I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Give your new therapist a little more time. Also, ask her lots of questions regarding your treatment. Maybe she can shed some light on her plan.

As far as your hair goes, it will lighten. It will take about a week though. I dye mine every 4weeks to cover the gray and never like the color at first. It always lightens up.

Take care of yourself. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: flute54
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 2:14pm




(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Debbie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I agree with Erin and voguegirl, yes every woman has to do the bad hair dye situtaion.