Just wanted to update......(triggers??)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Just wanted to update......(triggers??)
2
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 11:29pm
Things aren't getting any better. I've been dealing with this for a long time, but I've never been this worried about what's going to happen to me.

I see a psychiatrist weekly, but do not have a separate therapist that I see. He just feels there is nothing he can do to help me with all of my social and financial problems that are making my depression worse. I can't take any of the meds, due to a terrible reaction I had. So I'm only on Ativan 1mg 3X/day, to ward off anxiety/panic attacks.

I'm to the point that I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to go to another doctor and go all through the same things over again. I just don't see there being any way that I'll ever get any better. All of the other boats of depression I've been in I've at least had that little ray of light to strive for from the bottom of the pit, but it's completely dark now. I also pretty much don't have any feeling most of the time.

My SIL got me to go with her to Tim Horton's Camp Day today as a volunteer. She thought it would do me good to get out of the house and be around people. Well I have to admit that I did enjoy myself while I was there, but when the fun's over and I have to go back to the pit again it is worse than ever being let out for that couple of hours and enjoy myself. This happens everytime I allow someone to talk me into doing something and as I said falling back down is just not worth it. So if I know that's going to happen everytime (and it does) I'm going to put a stop to going anywhere's, because it truly brings me down so far that I am scared.

What is left for me to do if I can't take meds, my Pdoc doesn't have any hope, I can't go anywhere's or try to have any kind of fun without paying for it later and I'm to the point that I don't want to go to another doctor and rehash all the same problems over again. ( I just did that with 2 doctors for 2nd opinions, which basically came back the same as my Pdoc's report) I just feel like my life is over and I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm too tired and it just hurts too much!!

If I didn't have this board this past week I don't know what I would have done. I feel comfortable posting here, but I also feel guilty continually posting my problems on here for others to read and worry about.

Ellen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 1:55pm

Hey Ellen, i can very much relate to

prodi_gal

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 2:26pm

(((((Ellen))))), it sounds like you feel things just can't get any better.

AcornLeaves