Depression and affairs
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| Wed, 06-16-2004 - 9:10am |
Last night, he said he's having trouble getting rid of his feelings for the other woman. He feels badly that she is so confused. She, unlike me, has not read all the books on depression to know where this came from. I can accept that - getting rid of his feelings is even okay to an extent. He says he's having trouble giving me 100% because of his feelings for her though. He sais he loves me enough to spend the rest of his life with me. He said there are conflicting voices in his head - one saying that he can't let me go, the other saying he could be happy with her. He said he knows he can be happy with me because of the time we've spent together. With her, it's just a possibility of happiness. I asked him if he loves her. He said he has very strong feelings for her. From what I've read depression magnifies feelings and makes depressed people reach for something that may make them happy.
Last night he told me that he is the unhappiest he's ever been. That comes from the guilt he carries. He says he feels guilty for hurting me, hurting her, the act itself, etc. He said he just doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore and that sometimes he wishes he would have just let me go. We have several books he's started reading about depression. It's like he can accept that's what it is but he feels a need to punish himself before he can start healing. I'm so confused and scared. I'm trying to set up an appointment for myself with a therapist. He is going away for a few days and when he gets back I'm hoping he'll come see her with me.

I think this should be his problem to take care of, not yours. If he was in a monogamous relationship with you, then yes I can understand that you help him because obviously we want to take care of each other when we love someone. However, my trust would be pretty low on the scale in this case.
ITs good that he is being honest, but I would leave. Who knows if he will do this again? Maybe next time he wont tell you. Its up to you, but I think depression is being used more & more as an excuse. Its not fair to you or the other woman what he is doing. He shouldnt be hurting other people like this. I hope my advice helps you, and wish you the best. You can do better than this rather than have to worry about an affair & stuff! All the best to you & HUGS